DEAR ERICA
Dear Erica,
I am a 20 year old guy doing my Bachelors degree. I have a problem in
trusting one of my friends. A couple of years back, he cheated me in a
money matter. He was one of my best friends (or so I thought) back then.
I always thought he was very genuine and I couldnt believe what had
happened.
 Later, I found that he never cared for me truly as a friend and was
always looking to take advantage of me. This affected me deeply and now
I can’t fully trust him even though we were really nice friends. I feel
very bad that whenever I think about my genuine friends who care so much
about me, I just can’t bring myself to fully trust anyone. What can I do
to get over my bad experience and get myself back in touch with reality?
- Suspicious
Dear Suspicious,
It is true that trust is a very important aspect in every
relationship. As a first step towards developing your trust is to let go
of the past and set yourself in a healing environment which includes
forgiving your friend, understand the situation he was in or healthy
communication to resolve the issue. In other words you have to move on
in order to reconnect with the present. In life we come across many
junctures that one must solely trust oneself. You might not always have
someone who you can totally rely on but gradually you will learn about
your associates and know with whom you could rely on.
Don’t get disheartened by one incident that went wrong. Along the
journey of your life you will come across many instances dealing with
trust and mistrust. You state that you really have nice friends and
friends who care about you. So in order to build trust, you have to let
go of the fear (of failing again), negative feelings (of consequences
that may or may not happen) & should be willing to take the risk in
trusting again!
Dear Erica,
As a girl who is about to finish higher education and get myself
ready for the job hunt, my knowledge and skills in my subject are very
good and I am confident that I can do very well. But I have always been
a shy and reserved type of person. I cant communicate well and I know
this is going to affect my performance during interviews and group
discussions. I dont know where to get help for this. How to get rid of
my shyness and anxiety especially when facing people unknown to me? I
need some advice, please.
-Shy girl
Dear Shy Girl,
The fact that you’ve realized that shyness can keep you away from
achieving what you need to do is a good start in overcoming your issue.
First of all, start practicing alone in how you would communicate at an
interview or a social gathering. You can later have a close friend or
relative whom you’re comfortable with to start up conversations and
further your practice or even take a close friend/relative along with
you to social events to give you a little bit of support.
Join a club or group that may have similar interests such as yours.
By doing so you may come across new acquaintances and it will make it
easier for you to relate to them. In an occasion such as interview or
social gathering, the first thing you should do is to put yourself at
ease, make eye contact with the person you’re talking to and smile.
By doing so you’re not only showing an interest but also making it
easier for the other person to communicate with you. Be your own best
friend, feel good about yourself. Remember practice makes perfect and
just follow the tips and you will definitely push yourself forward.
Dear Erica,
I have a problem which many youngsters go through. I am a girl
studying in grade 11. My parents always compare me with their friends
daughters or other relatives daughters and put me down. I dont think I
am doing badly in my studies or my other duties. I score around 80% in
my studies. I try hard and do my best. But it looks impossible to meet
the expectations of my parents. It is frustrating and very discouraging.
How to cope with this? Please help me.
-Discouraged girl
Dear Discouraged girl,
All of us go through a period of tension with our parents especially
during adolescence, and its not easy because we’re constantly battling
through finding our identity, experimenting with a range of behavioural
changes and interested in a variety of activities that may or may not be
of any interest to the home front or society during this period. This
period is not completely blissful and sometimes stressful to cope with.
I appreciate the fact that you try hard to excel in your studies and
duties.
And I believe that you should keep doing so rather than feeling
frustrated or discouraged by the pressure put in by your parents. On the
other hand maybe your parents want to bring the best in you and trying
to push you (through the hard way) or else by comparing you with the
rest (which necessarily will not be what we would like) feel that you
would try to stand out amongst them.
However there are limitations between what your parents expect out of
you and what you can give them in return. Find a convenient time and try
talking to your parents or one of them and express how you feel. This
way you will not bottle in your feelings and may even find some relief
though you may not find your parents reacting the way you want them to
or give you answers that you expect from them. You’re special in your
own way and you have every right to feel that way. So don’t get
discouraged but concentrate in your studies and duties. Because hard
work will show its results in due time!
Dear Erica,
I am a successful businessman in my thirties. I want to ask my
parents to move in with me and take care of them. My wife is a very good
lady but in this thing she is not cooperating with me. She says that my
brother who is richer than us is the one who should do this. My brother
has much more money than us, that’s true but we have enough money and it
can’t be a problem at all. I feel bad even talking about money regarding
taking care of my parents. Moreover, my brother is living in another
country and I hate to make my parents shift to a new place in their old
age. How can I convince my wife in this matter without it turning into a
big argument?
-Clueless husband
Dear Clueless husband,
 I appreciate your good intention to take care of your ageing parents.
And obviously I don’t see that money plays any major role in this case,
since both you and your brother are doing well in this regard. First you
should sort out two issues before taking a decision. Where do your
parents live? Do they live at their own house? If so, you should first
find out if they’re willing to move in with you! As much as they would
love to spend time with you and your family, sometimes they may feel
uncomfortable in settling to a new way of life after all these years.
Secondly, you should know what your wife feels; if it’s money that is
the issue or if she doesn’t want your parents to be with you for certain
reasons. If you manage to find out if your parents are willing to move
in with you and the way your wife feels towards the whole situation.
Don’t make it an issue for argument; you may not see a favourable end
result that you expect.
As much as you’re concerned for your parents it is important that
your parents move in on good terms with your wife. Take time; analyze
the options you have before you. Hopefully things might work out well
for your family, since you have a good intention within you.
Hey readers, Erica will be conducting a poll from this week onwards.
All you have to do is just send in your answers to Erica’s email
([email protected])
Which of these do you think was the best time in your life :-
0 Childhood
0 Adolescence
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