 Agni Chakra
(Chapter 22)
(Circles of Fire)
By Kathleen JAYAWARDENE
Translated by Ranga Chandrarathne and Edited
by Indeewara Thilakarathne
A cobra is rambling around moving its head. Soon it would encircle
me. I am confused and look around. Once again, the image of cobra
appears before me. This time, it is a man holding a Punkalasa and
wearing a hat with cobra heads. How can this cobra appear? Once
Ratnaweera said that it was stated in the Thripitakaya that cobras were
born by four means namely Andaja, Jalabuja , Sansejaka and Opapatica.
Again the cobra appears before me. It meanders through a cluster of
roots of a tree and peels its hide, going through a tiny gap of the tree
with vigour, speedily breathing out, expanding its hood, coiling its
tail. I too breathe out fast. Within a second, a 'Poonava' appeared
before me. The eyes in the leopard's head in the middle of seven cobra
heads, staring at me. Though my mouth opens up, it makes no sound.
Suddenly the Nagaoddison or the devil Suniyam stands up before me.
Thousands of cobras around the head and in the body of the devil Suniyam
make noises 'hissing …hissing…' A familiar poem accompanied by the
Thalampata, is heard.
" Salmal Vanayata Na-raju vadala
Sal Dummala pena goba mavala
Dummala malavak pudakarala
……………………………….. "
(King of the cobras has come to the forest of Sal flowers…)
"Saddha…Saddha…!"
I look at Shantha with confused eyes. My body soaked in perspiration.
I feel even her hand around me like a cobra coiled.
"Why? What happened?"
"No, nothing happened "
I tried to be normal. Though I wanted to ask what I had done, I was
prevented by fear and shame.
"Have you seen a dream?"
"No...It seems that I am going to have fever"
I did not know how constructive my answer was. However, I was
overwhelmed with great fear, sadness and repentance. I did not know what
really happened to me. I could not figure out what was going to happen.
"Let us sleep."
I crawled under the bed-sheet and sank deep in the comfortable bed.
Comfortable bed..? ..Comfort..? What type of comfort I experience now?
If this is comfort, then can there be something called pressure? What is
the name that pressure can be given?
"It seems to me that you have been ill for a couple of days"
 I was put to sleep by the momentary comfort of the warmth of
Shantha's hand which was applying eau de cologne on my head. The
fragrance of eau de cologne which pierced through the nostrils into the
head was a proof of my illness. I haplessly lie on the back for refuge.
Dramatic situations of Bali and other rituals came to my mind. I was
reminded of how father sculptured Bali to dispel the ill-effects of the
nine planets and nine cobra heads marked to represent nine planets. I
saw these in the dream. Who has taken me sixty years back by dream? Are
men being automatically taken back into the history whenever they fall
sick?
I was prompted to seek Gastroenterologist's service as the
stomachache and problems in the digestive system remained for sometime.
But I am afraid of and reluctant to face medical examinations. Does my
unhappiness at finding out my disease stem from my reluctance to
identify myself?
I know for a long time, that deficiency in immunity is caused in
those who have been infected with HIV. I thought my long-drawn
stomachache would have been the result of HIV. But I was never tempted
to search indiscriminately the unknown ill-famed place for beastly
taste. I always enter into an affaire not without care. But I could not
get rid of fear. For the past couple of months, I tried to find out the
origin of AIDS. It was during this investigation that I came to know
that AIDS stands for Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome and that the
acronym AIDS has been used. I later came to know that for the first
time, AIDS was found in a twenty nine year old youth who showed symptoms
of swellings, cough and fever. I also found out at that time AIDS was
common among homosexuals and drug addicts.
A medical officer who is a friend of mine, revealed to me these blood
curdling information. I did not reveal him my symptoms. I obtained the
information on the excuse that they were for a fiction. Though I already
knew AIDS was common among homosexuals, as soon as I heard it again, I
was shocked. The image of uncle Jamis of Kalavitigodella flashed in my
memory. It was he who provided me with not only Bulto and popcorn but
also exercise books. But how am I disgusted his company? How disgusting
was that stench of crunched trees? I was certain that paternal uncle who
took me into his custody following mother's death, knew everything. Even
today, I still could not think of whether it was because of his love or
disregard for me that he had maintained silence over the matter. I was a
bit relieved after realising the fact that AIDS would emerge within a
maximum period of ten year of HIV infection.
During the past months and even today, what gives immense pain of
mind is the idea that I am aging and senile. But I myself engaged in
intellectual exercises with no difficulty. The taste associated with
intellectual tasks has been developing with the passage of time. If so,
am I apathetic due to deficiency in satisfying fleshly desires?
Ratnaweera said indiscriminate and rushed satisfaction of fleshly
desires at youth was dangerous and that it was senility that freed us
from the risk. He asks why we can't celebrate old age which allows us to
free ourselves from the noose of passion.
Though there is a truth in it, I could not console myself with the
idea. These days, I have been reading the Sinhalese translation of
Marcus Tullius Cicero's 'De Senectute'. It was originally written in
Latin. According to the Sinhalese translation, 'Viyapatveema', if there
is a vestige of youth in an old man, he is not aged despite his body
conditions. In the 'Republic' by Plato, it was stated that when asked
Sophocles who was very old at the time, whether he was still enjoying
sex' 'Oh God no; I happily freed myself from that beast '.
Though I want to sleep, I was afraid to shut the eyelids. In a
semi-conscious state, I was afraid of seeing the latter part of the
nightmare. Dirty spirits had surrounded me. Spirits…? The spirits that
exorcists tied by a knot with a string by the power of spell …sealed in
a cigarette tin and flowed in the sea …? Chickens that were scarified
instead of a man to the devil..? ..Malbulath tatuva..? ..a jar of yellow
disinfectant liquid..?..hatmaluva..? Dolapideni…? … the trance of the
priest in the Devolmdu Yaga who dance on the roof?
I saw a tall man playing 'Eila'. That face of the Garayaka was
frowning at me. In the dream, I was reminded that the six foot wooden
structure made of Goraka wood was made for the Garayak Natuma. With a
fright, I opened my eyes. With a feeble cry, I rested my head on
Shantha's shoulders. What was Shantha murmuring while stroking my head?
It was after awhile that I could make out the words of the Karaniya
Metta Sutta that Shantha was spelling in secrecy? I lent my years to her
as if listening to the mantra that she was spelling to get rid of my
fear. Once again, my eyes shut. Now appeared before me were the famous
seven gods of Paththini; Uramala Paththini, Lee Paththini, Mal Paththini,
Veera Paththini and Siddha Paththini. But someone said that they were
Kirimavvarun known as Mihikata, Sagaradevata, Sarasvati, Umayangani,
Seeta, Vallimaata and Paththini. I could see Kiriammavaru with lit up
lamps gathered at the fence near the court yard. I heard the singing of
Kiriammavaru who came after disinfection for epidemics.
Sudu piruvata eda pe ven ne
Daneta Enavaga satdena danne
Paththini deviyan samaga vadinne
Kadulla gavata evith sitinnne
Quickly they all merged into one. Shivering in fear, I looked at it.
I felt great relief. It was Shantha's face.
Opening the eyes, I glided my hand around the wife's hip. I felt her
body warmth recalled motherly love. A drop of tear appeared on my eyes.
I thought what had really happened to me. I, now, realised that my
sudden change was caused by none other than the medical test and the
report.
Doctor explained the problems in the digestive system as loose motion
and constipation and that I was suffering from Irritable Bowel Syndrome
and I should eat more fruits and leaves and drink a lot of water. I took
the medicine in exact quantity but my condition didn't change. It was
after the insertion of a tube-like instrument into rectum, that my
condition was diagnosed as cancer.
When Dr. Jothiratne callously said, "Professor, this is a cancer", I
saw him as an executor. The change in me at the moment, the downfall was
devastating. I experienced on the spur of the moment the state of mind
of a person who was sentenced to death. For a while I was glued onto the
chair as I was faintish. I thought so far my worries and agonies caused
by such flimsy reasons.
I strongly felt the feelings of one who cried over a pair of slippers
until he saw a man without legs. I thought that it was the first and the
last time I signed over the increasingly losing youth and potency.
I tightened the right knee on Shantha's wrist as she tried to stand
up or turn the other way. I manifested the idea 'please don't go' with
my knees.
"Wait a minute, we will sleep after taking two tablets of panadol ".
Shantha addressed me in the same manner she addressed Prabuddha in
childhood.
I too embraced her like a child.
Footnote
Punkalasa- a pot filled with water and flowers regarded as an object
of prosperity
Thripitakaya- Buddhist canon
Andaja, Jalabuja , Sansejaka and Opapatica-. Four means of birth:
from eggs, from the water, from conception and automatically
Poonava- An object used in exorcist ceremonies
Bulto- A kind of cheap toffee
Andaja, Jalabuja , Sansejaka and Opapatica-. Four means of birth:
from eggs, from the wetground, from conception and automatically
Nagaoddison or the devil Suniyam - A kind of inauspicious god
Bali- clay iconography for rituals and incantations
Malbulath tatuva- Alta containing beetles and flowers ect in exorcist
ceremonies
hatmaluva- A curry containing seven ingredients
Dolapideni- sacrificial offerings to inauspicious beings
Devolmdu Yaga- A ceremony performed to propitiate gods
Eila'- A stage like elevation for the exorcist to perform
Garayaka- A kind of devil
Garayak Natuma- Devil dance for Garayak
Kirimavvarun known as Mihikata, Sagaradevata, Sarasvati, Umayangani,
Seeta, Vallimaata and Paththini.- a list of old ladies supposed to be of
auspicious
Thalampata- a tempo measure
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