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| Sunday, 16 February 2003 |
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Features |  |
| News Business Features Editorial
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Dual role - a dilemma When Smita, who works in a prestigious bank in Chennai, went on maternity leave, she planned to return to work after five or six months. But when it came to the point of joining duty, Smita's guilt pangs added to her dilemma. Though Smita scouted for day care centres in Chennai, she did not find any that satisfied her. "Neither of our parents could come and live with us. After a futile search, I decided to send my son to my mother's place in Bangalore. It was one of the most painful decisions I took. Yet, I had no other choice. At least I had the peace of mind that my son was well looked after when I was away," says Smita. Young mothers like Smita have to tear themselves away everyday from wailing toddlers, who plead with them not to go to work. It's not easy to strike a balance between motherhood and a career. But, if one manages to pull off the feat, one is likely to raise a child who values independence. With the trend towards nuclear families catching on, and the increasing number of working mothers, reliance on day care centres is also on the rise. One has to search and pay for the best alternative, as one can't play with childcare. The person who takes care of the child in the absence of the parents has to be the best option. In the case of the joint family set up, baby care seems to work better. Either mothers or mothers-in-law come forward to take care of their grandchildren. Visalam has generously taken on the responsibility of looking after her grandchildren, and is proud of her daughter's career as a district collector. Lakshmi's mother-in-law chips in to help with the new-born grandson, despite the inevitable ego clashes. Shanta, a young mother of twins, whose marriage turned out to be a disaster, has no alternative but to hold on to her career as a marketing assistant in a reputed firm. "With my parents help I have just concentrated on how to cross the hurdles. This attitude has rubbed off on to my sons. At eight, they now believe that everyone has to and should work. Of course, there have been times when they have wanted me to stay back. I have often resisted the strong temptation to leave for work, especially when they were suffering from earache, wheezing or some health problem. But on the whole, I have had to deal with very little resentment from them." In fact, Shanta says, of late, there have been instances where she has felt bad about going for long tours but her sons have consoled her. "Mom this is your job and you have to do it. Do we cry and fuss about going to school?" Renuka, who lost her husband after five years of married life, is learning to cope with the demands of her only daughter who is just three years old. She now has to run the garment export firm that belonged to her husband. She is paranoid about day care centres, with the negative aspects of leaving children in such facilities at once coming to mind. The horror stories of day cares doping children, creches abusing their charges and maids parking kids in front of the television set all day long have made her opposed to the very idea of day care. But many young mothers have no alternative. Child psychologist and counsellor, Maya says, "Feeling guilty about leaving the child in a creche or day care centre is pointless. Instead of feeling guilty about the time you are away from the child, focus on the time you are with the child. Women shouldn't feel defensive about going to work." Preeti says, "I try and strike a happy balance between home and work. Ours was a love marriage against the wishes of parents on both the sides. My husband, and I work in shifts in a magazine house. And we have to rely on ourselves for all purposes. So when I go to work, my husband takes care of the child, and after I return he sets out. We do have problems but despite the hurdles, I never doubted that I could not do justice to both career and family. Her advice 'Neither does one need to feel guilty about not being Ms. Perfect', nor does one need to play the martyr. A loving father can provide care as good as a mother. Whether it's from a father, mother, aunt, grandma, or devoted attendant, what children need is consistent and tender care." In direct contrast to this situation is the experience of Sudha, who grew up as a latchkey kid. She recalls those moments when she longed for her mother to provide her snacks and tea when she returned from school every evening. But since both her parents had Government jobs, this was not to be. She has given up a prestigious engineering job in the US and returned to Chennai with her husband, her sole aim being to raise her child in such a way that he will not feel the same way that she did during those early years. Sheela, who quit a promising bank job, to concentrate on her family, and later pursued higher studies, says, "My colleagues, who struggled to juggle career and home life, are now in top positions. I might have lost out on the career climb, but I am now a consultant and a freelance journalist. I have enjoyed the best of both worlds. Especially when the children find their feet, women need the companionship of a career to combat the loneliness of the empty nest syndrome'. Some firms and corporate houses have started providing facilities at the workplace for their women employees. Richa Gupta, who heads a small food processing unit comprising women employees, says, "I am trying to open a day care centre near the unit, so that the women can leave their kids. This would be mutually beneficial as working mothers can give their best without suffering those pangs of guilt." (Names have been changed) Courtesy: The Hindu |
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