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'Teens can't cope with 
prying parents' -Consultant Psychiatrist

by Umangi de Mel

‘Relationship’ happens to be an abominable word to parents who have teenage children. “Parents look at these relationships as being sexual relationships,” he says adding, “but the difference is vast between what parents see and the intentions of teens in love.”

Times have changed. Women have earned a certain amount of freedom and think on their own without much inhibitions. Yet the battle of parents and children, especially the girlchild still remains creating problems for both parties.

The commonest problem among teenagers is the lack of independence, says Dr. Ranil Abeysinghe, Consultant Psychiatrist, University of Peradeniya.

Girls are more prone to fall victim to the issue. Mothers try to cabin the growing female child and fathers don't want to let them out of their sight. Parents are people who never seem to notice the fact that their children grow up. They actually forget that their kids have earned their right to know what's going on in the world outside home. "Teenagers can't cope with parents who pry too much," says Dr. Abeysinghe.

'Relationship' happens to be an abominable word to parents who have teenage children. "Parents look at these relationships as being sexual relationships," he says adding, "but the difference is vast between what parents see and the intentions of teens in love."

According to him, `being in love' is a thrilling experience for teens. There's no sexual element attached but an overwhelming feeling of happiness. "They just want to have a good time being with a person like them," he adds.

A survey done on schoolgoers reveal that almost every girl yearns for freedom. Nevertheless parents don't see the need, they oppress the young ones in the process.

"Such children have a choice. Either conform and be nice or rebel," says Dr. Abeysinghe. It won't be open rebellion either. "Which is not healthy for both parents and children. They might find a boyfriend or a girlfriend and lie about it. "Parents should learn to trust these youngsters, giving more responsibility for their action."

Taking responsibility for one's action is a vital part in growing up. If a person fails to be responsible enough for himself, chances are pretty slim for him being responsible for others. Living `fancy free, foot loose' is ideal for a teenager but he has to grow up to be accountable and more serious citizen.

"Children should be able to make mistakes. It's a process in which they learn not to repeat the same mistake," Dr. Abeysinghe points out. Parents take a long time to realise and compromise. The shortcomings are immense. Teens conform and obey the adults but the minute things go wrong, they blame the parents which apparently creates serious problems.

"Parents find it difficult to accept that their children grow up and have to go through various stages and situations. Having a lover or `being in love' is quite normal for their age. Parents try to oversee their hormones and misinterpret the whole issue. Whereas for teens, it's just a matter of being in love or having someone special in their life," and adds that it's a way of asserting independence.

When teens are kept away from society, they become more insecure and dependent on their parents. They lack confidence and are more dubious about the things around them. Such children lack self-esteem and assurance if parents aren't around. It hinders the progress of them thinking on their feet. "Boys are more likely to escape the problem as they are born rebels. Thus girls are the victims of the `can't leave home syndrome'," he says.

Teachers are partly responsible for students who lack confidence. They prefer students who conform. As terrible as it may sound, children lack creativity and their thinking comes to a standstill. "Society advances as it needs change. But changes don't occur because of old people, it revolves around young creativity and thinking."

Dr. Abeysinghe takes the IT revolution in the United States of America as an example where young people like Bill Gates rebelled and won. "The thrust must come from young people. Actually excessive conformity is not very sound. Parents and teachers promote it.

Nevertheless teens must learn to think on their own and be different," he says adding that thinking different doesn't mean shooting people but taking the initiative to do something productive in their life.

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