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| Sunday, 12 October 2003 |
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Features |  |
| News Business Features Editorial
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Life as a war widow by Ramani Kangaraarachchi War widows....While the loss of war in terms of lives lost and properties damaged has been amply documented, one of the biggest casualties of the two decade long strife, has been overlooked, ignored or taken for granted, by mainstream society. War widows...wives of brave men who sacrificed there lives for the country, now forced to put up a brave front and face a world that doesn't have much to offer bravery. Forced into widowhood by circumstances, beyond there control, forced to eke out a living on the meagre pensions of their husbands and forced to remain single because of monetary concern, what's life like for these women who once walked proudly by their husbands? The Sunday Observer finds out. Samantha, is a 23 year old widow from Kurunegala lived with her in-laws while her husband was serving in the operational area, and continued to live with them after his death. The in-laws treated her sympathetically at the beginning, and Samantha spent most of her husband's pension on them. But later they began to ill treat her, blaming her for their sons's death saying that it was the ill-luck of the wife that had caused his death. They had also found fault with her for getting all his money. "Some people think I am well off and happy with the money that I receive. But there isn't a single day that I don't cry. I can't understand why they find fault with me for each and everything, especially as I spend all my money on them. I am fed up with my life". Kamala, a widow from the Matale district complained about the remarks passed by various government officials when she went to them for documents certifying her widow status. "One day I went to the Grama Seva Niladari of the area to get the certificate to say I was still a widow which is a requirement to draw my husband's salary. He asked me whether I live alone or whether I living with somebody and proposed that I come with him" she said claiming it to be one of the many regular incidents she had to put up with because she is a widow. She said often she didn't feel like getting out of the house because of embarrassing questions and remarks. Many war widows have related tales of opportunists getting friendly with them to exploit their vulnerability and attempts to steal their money. In one such incident l Prema, a widow from Anuradhapura who had planned to build a tomb with a photograph of her dead husband to commemorate his death anniversary, and also offer an alms giving recalled how she was forced into an awkward situation and later blackmailed. "I went to a studio in the area owned by a known person to get a new photo of my husband from an old copy. The man made me come there several times inventing various excuses and one day I was forced to appear for nude photo in the studio," she recalled. A few days later, he had shown the photos taken and demanded Rs 200,000 to keep the photograph without exposing her. She afraid to have her vulnerability to exposed, she withdrew all the money she had in the bank account and gave it to him in order to safeguard her name. In another incident l Jayanthi, a widow from Galle district a mother of a 10 year old child had fallen in love with another soldier had married him a few years later. However, after getting married the soldier had taken all the money saying that he will return them when he came home on leave the next time. But he never turned up she said adding that she had informed the Army about her second marriage and the Army had stopped paying her previous husband's salary. A few months later she inquired about her second husband as he did not come home as he promised and found that she was in trouble, as the soldier had another wife who had gone abroad. The second marriage was hence not legally valid. "Now I am without an income. And I have a child to look after. I have requested the authorities to consider this case sympathetically and get my former husband's salary, otherwise I have no way of living," she said. Chula, a 23 year old widow said that her husband died in 1999 when she was four months pregnant. She brought up the child alone and several years later met a divorced man who offered to marry her. But she was reluctant to give up her husband's salary fearing the future of the child. However, she had started living with the man. Today she has another child by him and remains unmarried, while drawing the salary of the legal husband, killed in action. Sriyani, a 23 year old widow from Anuradhapura who has still not recovered from the trauma of her husband's death said that she was not interested in getting married again as she was living with her old mother and an unmarried sister. But she was worried about who would protect her after her mother dies and sister leaves her one day, to begin a life of her own. Hema, a widow and a mother of a student who attends school in Kandy district had experienced a sad situation when her eight year old child came home in tears and said that the teacher had asked the children of 'Ranaviru Families' to stand up and had made a list of their names. However, when her child stood up the teacher had told him to sit down as he had lost his father. The child had asked the mother why he was not included in the list as a child of a Ranaviru Family. She requested authorities to educate teachers in schools about these children as her child was thoroughly disturbed after that incident. Mary, 34 year old widow from the Galle district said she had been living with her parents since the death of her husband eight years ago. "My parents wants me to get married again as there won't be any one for my protection and I too have now realised that protection is more important and I am hoping to re-marry sacrificing the salary I am enjoying, if a suitable person is found." (Names of the widows have been changed to protect there privacy) According to the 'Ranaviru Family Counselling Service' there are about 4,000 war widows in Sri Lanka at present. Eighty percent of them are under 25 around 25 per cent of these women do not have children as they were very young when their husbands were killed while in action. |
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