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| Sunday, 20 February 2005 |
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Telling Tales : The lovers' bridge "I hate myself" she said and
started to sob. This was New Year's day, and it was after several attempts
that I was able to get her on the phone. Since it was vacation time, she
had been going places. Did she
"If I die before we marry, you should leave a second pillow. No one should sleep on it. It is my pillow" she told me on every important occasion and she even kept a second pillow on her bed with my photograph inside the cover. Often she used to say, "I will never let you walk five steps away from me" It was she who wanted to hasten our marriage. How could she ever say, "I want time"? Before I could ask for any clarification, she put the phone down. For the first time, since we knew each other, without even saying goodbye she hung up. I did not want to call her again to clarify. It was on a new year's day, two years ago in New York that she came into my life. That day, I did not leave my room in the Staten Island apartment building, trying to finish my dissertation proposal. Jim Hee was a few rooms away and I hadn't spoken to her other than a "Hi" or a "Good Morning". In the afternoon, she knocked on my door and said, "I would like to celebrate the New Year with you'. Being tired of working, I welcomed the idea. She brought wine and cake and I added cheese, roasted chicken and bread for our little party. Her pleasant self composure, sweet and frank speech, and defined mannerism touched me deeply. Enveloped Next day, we went out for dinner and when we were on the cable car facing the setting sun, I was enveloped with a serene feeling I had never felt before. It had to do with Jim Hee's presence beside me. She was a simple Korean girl but with a very graceful look, especially when she wore a simple white blouse. She was a person who could be all around you like a cool breeze, without making her presence felt or disturbing your emotions. In the middle of our meal, Jim Hee received a call from Korea and began to cry. "My mother's condition is critical" she said. Next day, I got her a ticket for Seoul and took her to the airport. Her mother died two weeks later. Most of the time she was alone at home as her two sisters, who were getting ready to marry, stayed with the grandparents and her father was starting a new relationship. She returned after three months, and she said, "I have no family. I didn't want to come back either. I came back, because of you. I fell in love with you on New Year's day". It was a welcome surprise. I too did not have a family. When I went home the previous year, I felt like a guest in the very house I grew up, now owned by a married sibling. Neither my parents nor a sibling bothered to ask me how life in the States was. Her coming into my life seemed timely. She was angry with her sisters, for planning to marry even before six months had passed after their mother's death. Mother had been paralysed for fifteen years and much of everyone's life passed by, as no one thought of her. Now, they wanted to catch up with life. She said, "Mother suffered. So did all of us. She is free now and so are we. If only they could just wait for one year at least to pass after her death." Ghost Often she was haunted by her mother's ghost and in the middle of the night on some days, she would come and sleep on my chair. She was also haunted by the changes in her life and I tried to help her accept the situation. In return, she started to prepare food for me. Soon we were eating dinner together. "We are already a family" I told her and she said, "Yes, we will always be". She finished her course and went home the following January. "I am growing old. People are coming up with proposals. I missed you very much. Let us get married soon" she kept on telling me often over the telephone. In May, on my way home after studies, I visited Korea to meet her family in Kwangju. At her apartment, I had the feeling of deia vu and remembered a dream, I had some six years ago, in which chilling loneliness gripped me as I stood overlooking snow-covered empty fields, and observing an occasional vehicle at the farthest end. Now, I was seeing the same scene sans the chilling loneliness Visit As we were getting ready to visit the family, she told me, "You know I am going to try very hard to get my family to approve our marriage". "I know any parent want a child to have a better future. My complexion and my Motherland are symbols of poverty". I told her and she smiled. "How are you going to do that?" I asked her and she said, "I'll tell them. If they don't allow, I'll never marry another person. If they force me to marry another person. I'll marry but live like an unmarried woman." We visited her harabaji (grandfather) first. We sat down before him and bowed. He solemnly said, "You came from very far and you must be tired". He began to talk and I could see Harabuji's strong opposition in his tone and face. Nevertheless, he was willing to drink wine with me. I offered him wine first and then, he offered me wine. Next, we visited her aboji (father) and she kept on crying in his room for more than an hour. Her stepmother with her two daughters sat with me trying to make me feel at home. She placed plenty of fruits before me. We were watching TV and then, suddenly a documentary on my country appeared on the screen. It was a strange story of a very poor father attempting to breast feed his daughter because he could not buy milk for his motherless child. The stepmother and her daughters watched the documentary without a word. I felt that even they would not approve of Jim Hee's decision now. Respect Jim Hee needed to respect the elders since her family was a significant part of her self and her elders living or dead, as believed in Korean culture, were her guardians and protectors. The question was, if she went against the family, could she live with it? I remembered a suicide that took place in a village in Polonnaruwa where my father worked. The boy and the girl grew up together from their childhood and promised each other never to be separated. The boy stopped schooling at the age of fifteen no rescue his family who were buried in debt. Cultivating chilies and other crops, he paid back the family debts. In a few years he bought a tractor, and then built his own fully furnished house. The girl's family strongly opposed her marriage to him. She married him and yet, everyday she suffered the pain of family rejection. When her uncle spat on her face one day, she drank pesticide and died. I asked myself, what the fate of Jim Hee would be if she rejected her family's wish. That night, I was able to sleep only with the help of several glasses of wine. But I was woken by a cold touch of a hand on my right shoulder. There was no one in the room and, I had the feeling that it was Jim Hee's mother trying to reassure me. The following day, Jim Hee's father started to take us around to see places as a sign of his acceptance of me. The two of us went to Kwanghanru, in Namwon city, famous for its love story and for the Lover's Bridge. Crossing of which was believed to seal a love. Lee and Choonhyang who fell in love with each at this courtyard were separated at the departure of Lee's family of the capital. The new magistrate punished Choonhyang for her refusal to give into his desire, imprisoned her, and then, arranged to execute her at his birthday banquet. Lee having become a secret inspector rescued her just before the execution and married her. Choonhyang became a symbol of woman's faithfulness even at the threat of death. In this sacred place of lovers, we too crossed the lovers' bridge. Then, we wore engagement rings with our names inscribed. As I was leaving Korea, she said "It is very hard for me to stay here now with these people harassing me. I want to come with you", I needed time to prepare for her coming and it took one year to buy a house and furnish it. It had just invited her to come in February when on New Year's day, she told me "I need time" I had no clue as to why and began to examine the photographs she sent me a month ago. She stood alone in all the pictures. Who took the pictures? I examined her hand in all the pictures and could not find the engagement ring on her finger. Her father or a sibling probably made a match for her until she had no choice but to marry him. Nothing else explained her hating of herself. In one of the pictures, she had written "Love...but life is like that" I couldn't disagree since no bridge could be built just on water. So much so was the case of the Lovers' Bridge that needed to be supported by the families. But chilling loneliness choked me as I sat in the empty house that would never be filled. by P. M. Fernando |
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have an intimate relationship with someone?
"Why, what happened to you?" I asked her and there was a long pause before
she spoke again. "I need time" she said. I could not believe she could say
such a thing. "Have you found someone?" I asked and "No!" was her quick
reply. 
