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| Sunday, 19 June 2005 |
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Features |  |
| News Business Features Editorial
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Famous
Mismatched Couples
From the tabloids to late night TV, everyone is obsessed with the recent coupling of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. While mismatched in age and demeanour, the pair is destined to be a mere footnote in the history of odd couples. Do opposites really attract? The little black book of entertainment hookups would seem to suggest so. Read on for a glimpse of the most mismatched couples of all time. by Ryan Murphy
Anna Nicole Smith and J. Howard Marshall 1994 to 1995 (his death) She was a busty stripper with generous proportions and an 8th grade education. He was an 89-year-old wheelchair-bound billionaire. Naturally, it was love at first sight... of his bank account. The unlikely couple married in 1994 and, while little is known about their courtship, Smith must be eternally grateful that Viagra wasn't yet available to the public. When Marshall took a dirt nap one year later (as old coots are wont to do), Smith was astonished to discover she wasn't in the will. The ensuing battle over his estate resulted in one judge awarding her $475 million (although that amount was later reduced). Oddest moment: So much for conjugal bliss: Smith left her husband immediately following their wedding and flew to Greece with her bodyguard. Marilyn Monroe and Arthur Miller 1956 to 1961 (divorced) She was a blonde bombshell with a penchant for Kennedys. He was a Pulitzer Prize-winning playwright obsessed with middle-aged salesmen. The attraction was surprisingly straightforward. Monroe valued Miller's intelligence and sensitivity, while Miller valued her 'enormous sense of play, inventiveness and unexpectedness'.' In other words, he couldn't get over the fact that he was having sex with Marilyn Monroe. Unfortunately, it didn't last. The couple's differences - as well as Monroe's sudden realisation that she had married a bookworm - drove them apart. Monroe went on to other high-profile romances, but Miller got the last laugh with his play 'After The Fall, in which he told the story of Maggie, a self-destructive blonde modeled on his former wife. Oddest moment: Miller first announced their marriage to the world on American TV while appearing before the House Un-American Activities Committee.
Michael Jackson and Anybody Is he gay or is he straight? Is he black or is he white? Not even his exes know for sure. First, there was Brooke Shields; then, he had Elvis spinning in his grave (or the Topeka Wal-Mart where he presently works) when he married The King's only daughter, Lisa Marie. Will the gloved one ever find his true love? Possibly, but frankly, we find it odd that any woman would want to be with a guy who still wears white socks with black shoes. Oddest moment: Michael shocked his three remaining fans when he dangled his infant child over a hotel balcony. Requests for Michael Jackson's All-Star Babysitting Service have been sparse ever since. Woody Allen and Soon-Yi Previn 1997 to present (2 children) Nothing says the relationship is over faster than "I'm dating your daughter." That's exactly the message neurotic director Woody Allen gave Mia Farrow when she discovered nude pictures of her adopted daughter in Allen's apartment. While marriages like this usually only work out in Tennessee, the result of this union has been marital bliss and two children (three if you count Allen). Oddest moment: Soon-Yi was only 8 when she was adopted by Farrow during a trip to Korea. In retrospect, she probably wishes she had brought back a different souvenir. Jerry Lee Lewis and Myra Lewis 1957 to 1970 (divorced, 1 child) The 'Great Balls of Fire' composer decided to keep romance close to home when he married his 13-year-old second cousin in 1957. Did we mention he was born in the South? The negative backlash was so great that he had to cancel tours and re-invent himself as a country singer before getting back on the charts. The marriage itself lasted until 1970; by then, Lewis had grown tired of dating a woman who could legally drink in bars. Oddest moment: Myra gave birth to a son, Jerry Lee, Jr., a month after their wedding. Here's guessing she didn't wear white. Harrison Ford and Calista Flockhart 2002 to present (engaged) Harrison Ford is our generation's preeminent action star, a chiselled hunk who could battle an entire army of Nazis with the mere crack of a whip. Calista Flockhart is the poster child for anorexia, a one-dimensional woman who has to jog in the shower just to get wet. Yet, despite 22 years (and at least 140 pounds) difference, they're happily engaged. If he manages not to snap her in half, it might just work. Oddest moment: The couple met at the 2002 Golden Globe Awards when the 'Ally McBeal' star strategically spilled her drink on Ford in order to strike up a conversation. Not particularly subtle, but it certainly beats getting kicked in the nuts. Celine Dion and Rene Angelil 1994 to present (1 child) How do you advance your career if you're a French hillbilly from a remote Quebec town? The answer is simple: you marry your Santa Claus-lookalike of a manager. The couple first met when she was 12 and he was 38. Nothing creepy about that. The happy pair then popped out a child in 2001 after Dion underwent in vitro fertilization. Oddest moment: Paying homage to A Thousand And One Nights, Dion and Angelil renewed their vows in Las Vegas with a lavish Arab theme. Sadly, without the veil, it would have been nearly impossible to differentiate between Celine and the camels. Liza Minnelli and David Gest 2002 to present (filed for divorce) She was a show tunes-singing diva. And so was he - thus precipitating many of their problems. The song-and-dance star married the androgynous event planner in March of 2002, flanked on one side by matron of honor Elizabeth Taylor, and on the other by best men Tito and Michael Jackson. It's hard to say what ultimately drove them apart. Was it Minnelli's drinking? Did Gest borrow her makeup without permission? Perhaps we'll never know. Oddest moment: Following their breakup, Gest claimed in a lawsuit that Minnelli regularly beat him during their 16-month marriage. Maybe that explains why his face looks the way it does. Ted Danson and Whoopi Goldberg Early 1990s The freaky-haired comedian's romance with the 'Cheers' star had many scratching their heads. Were they truly in love or was he just a really big fan of Hollywood Squares? Further complicating matters was Goldberg's alleged lesbianism. As she said, "There was a time I played on both sides of the street. Now I go straight down the middle." Oddest moment: Danson set the clock back to 1864 when he performed in blackface at a Friars Club event feting Goldberg. Al Jolson would have been so proud. Honorable Mention: Bert and Ernie Are they or aren't they? Frankly, how couldn't they be? Anyone that spends that much time with a hand up their butt must be fielding offers from the same team. |
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