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| Sunday, 2 October 2005 |
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International day for Elders : Reaching the sunset of life by Aditha Dissanayake
I begin with an apology. "Take my photo and put it in the paper. Then I can show it to my relatives". D. Podihamine, a bright eighty-something, seated in the garden of the Mallika Nivasa Elder's Home asked me, adjusting the knot of hair at the back of her neck and giving me a "six-toothed" grin. When I came back with my camera grandma Podihamine was missing. She could have stepped indoors, where I could not follow her, for a notice on the wall said "No admission without permission". "Sorry grandma Podihamine, I could not take your photo". Living in a home In place of Grandma Podi, I spoke with Hema Guruge who was also seated outside in the garden and who was more than eager to narrate her life story. " I have travelled in ten countries, in the 60s and the 70s. I have been to London, Cairo, Singapore...I never got married. I lived with my elder brother and his family. When he died in 1987 I came here. I am very happy here. I get up at five-thirty in the morning, sweep the garden, water the plants, offer flowers to the Buddha and begin my day. After breakfast, I do some sewing. In the evenings I read the newspapers or a book". Spinsters like Hema readily admit they have no family, and so, have no qualms about living in a home for the elderly. Eighty-nine-year-old Ranmenike from Haggala too does not mind being here. She says her first baby was still-born. The doctors had washed her womb and told her she could not have anymore babies. She had adopted a girl with her husband's consent. "The daughter is good. But her husband doesn't like me. And, anyway, she knows I am not her real mother. So, she brought me here. What more can I expect?" Those who have families, however, are reluctant to talk. They remain silent, pretend not to notice me, or look away with misty eyes. Have their children discarded them? Have they been ill-treated at home? Are they happy here? "Yes.Yes and no" says the Matron of the home, A. Jayasuriya answering my three questions in monosyllables. Then, continues "even though we give them everything they need, no place is like home. They miss their children and yearn to be with their families." The Matron thinks there are three reasons for the increase in the number of inmates at the home. "Lack of space in houses to keep the elderly, economic conditions and antagonistic in-laws." Most children forget their mother after they leave them here. Very few (about 15 during a year) comeback to see them". Is it the end? To gain admittance to the Home, one has to be a Buddhist and be able to deposit Rs. 1,25,000 in addition to paying Rs. 8,000 every month for a room with an attached bathroom. To be eligible to gain non-paying accommodation letters have to be produced from the Grama Sevaka and Secretary of the District Provincial Council. At the moment, there are ninety non-paying residents and thirty paying residents, all Buddhists and all women. Is this really the end?" No" says Hema . "It is true we are waiting for death. But we spend our days helping the staff as much as we can, we sew clothes, we help each other. People come and give us daane - baby cream, soap, perfume, etc." She smiles. Her hair is completely white. There are wrinkles on her face. Time's chariot wheels are surely drawing close. But she is happy. All of them at the Home, have reached the sunset of their lives - a sunset, perhaps a little clouded, but beautiful nevertheless. "I have been here for twenty years. I can still read, and I am reading a translation of Robinson Crusoe right now", says a sliver haired lady with an adventurous twinkle in her eyes. Perhaps the mothers are sad about not living with their children. But they have not given up yet. So, old is not the right word to describe them on world International day for Elders which falls on October 1, 2005. They seem to have simply stayed young for a long time. **** New perspective on aging On my way home after the assignment I count the billboards by the side of the road. All of them have pictures of beautiful people who cannot be more than thirty five; men with fantastic torsos, girls with creamy skin in figure hugging dresses advertising sofas, bank loans, mobile phones, credit cards, perfume, etc. No one seems to want to grow old. Then I recall the words of Morrie Schwartz, the seventy-year-old Professor who has only one month to live, and who tells his one time college student, Mitch Albom in the book "Tuesdays with Morrie", "All this emphasis on youth, I don't buy it... I know what a misery being young can be, so don't tell me it's so great". Morrie also goes on to say: "As you grow, you learn more. If you stayed at twenty-two, you'd always be as ignorant as you were at twenty-two. Aging is not just decay, you know. It's growth. Its more than the negative that you are going to die, its also the positive that you understand you are going to die, and that you live a better life because of it". He also answers one of the questions that has always bothered me whenever I meet older people and makes me feel guilty for being the age I am right now."Do they envy me for being young?" "No" is Morrie's answer. "The truth is part of us (who are old) is every age. We are three-years-old, we are five-years-old, we are thirty-seven-years-old. We have been through all of them, and we know what its like. We delight in being a child when it's appropriate to be a child. We delight in being wise and old when it's appropriate to be wise and
old. Think of all we can be! We are every age up to our own. How can we be
envious of where you are when we have been there ourselves". |
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