|
|
|
| Sunday, 05 March 2006 |
 |
|
 |
Magazine |  |
| News Business Features Editorial
|
That's Life... Sometimes it surely seems that some of the people you meet have been put on earth merely to act as measurements of your patience. So far I have found several groups and just in case you are a Sociologist (or anything else with a long name). I have neatly classed them into two anthropological groups. It doesn't really matter if you are not a Sociologist (or a Glyptographer or any such thing). I still believe that the following findings of my research will be of immense value to you because you too may have had fortune (good or otherwise) to have met them. Flattium Singeranda These people are under the illusion that they have been endowed with talents in the department of Music. Now if it's a writer who has produced a book which would be more effective than counting sheep when you want to drift off to sleep, you can always choose not to buy the book.
If it's a news paper article on deformities in digestive tracts in tree frogs in Liberia you could always skip it, but it is not so with the performances of someone of the above species. Such a person will always be seen singing with a rapturous expression of inflated self admiration on her face. Such a person will also readily volunteers to sing any solos required under the illusion that she is doing everyone a favours. You are certainly in a porridge if this someone is pretty close to you. Say like your Cousin Binky for example. Binky will look on with misty eyes as you announce your wedding and even though you try to avoid any eye contact with her, she will somehow corner you to say that she'd be delighted to sing a solo rendition of "Ave Maria" at your church service. Oh, and could she please be the organist? You will blink a few times simply to buy some time to put together a polite refusal, but Binky will take that as a yes. So, on your big day, Binky will sing like a five-year-old who is usually bribed by the choirmaster to keep away from the church choir, and she'll play the wedding March with three fingers. (counting both hands this is). And when confronted your mother will say that she did NOT cry for senti-mental reasons... Canine Dispersia A person from this group will usually be found in the suburbs where 30 feet high partition walls with menacing trimming of broken glass are not erected to separate land. You will probably find a live hedge, possibly overgrown, with a few convenient holes made by adventurous little boys on missions to collect straying cricket balls. Now it must also be said that certain people who live in these suburbs also have a penchant for dogs. Now I don't mean the kind of arrogant dogs you get at Independence Square on mornings mislead their harried owners on leashes behind them. (The sort of dogs look as if they who take their owners out for walks. I can't help saying). What I mean are those ill bred dogs (as opposed to well bred) who have never in their lives been washed. You are in a grave situation if such a dog is owned by your neighbours. The dog will be seen messily patrolling your garden, ears flapping up and down (though not both at the same time). It'll growl ferociously the moment you step out into your garden and after liberally answering calls of nature on your favourite rose bush, it'll head to your garbage pit. It'll only head back to its owner's abode at the time when he usually returns from work. You'll hear it being praised and patted, but after standing guard there all night, you will see the dog again in the morning sniffing around your rose bush with urinal intent. But one fine day you find that it has breathed its last in yours garden. You will set off to inform your neighbours. The head of the household will listen patiently, but when you finish he'll say that their Tiny had a black ear and he'll ask his wife whether that wasn't so. She'll hastily say yes, yes Tiny had a white... (Black, black the hubby will hiss) yes..black..ear and she'll ask their little boy whether that wasn't so. Their little boy will say yes, yes, his Tiny had a green (Black, black, the mother will hiss) yes, black ear. And may you be spared from both these groups this week. - Dilini Algama
|
|
| News | Business | Features
| Editorial | Security
| Politics | Produced by Lake House |
