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| Sunday, 09 April 2006 |
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Says she - People pleasing is my life : Says he - People pleasing - my wife by Chamitha Kuruppu
Then came the biggest mission. The task of informing our parents about the plans. My mother responded with her usual 'water works' while his father reacted with unexpected 'fire works'. "What would people think?" both sets of parents echoed. "What would PEOPLE think?" I ended up having a boring pet pomeranian because raising a non-pedigree dog would make PEOPLE laugh. Just because PEOPLE believed banking was the 'in thing' I was forced to continue higher studies in commerce subjects. I ended up killing time in a weary computer class, because PEOPLE considered computer classes as a compulsion.
Throughout the past two years we have been tormented by both close and not so-close relatives and friends, about the 'delay in having children'(a delay; it was only two years!) Now that we are expecting our first child we both sighed that the never ending botheration will finally come to a halt. But we were mistaken. From the most simple (and personal) task of deciding on a name, to the most important chore of determining which birth plan we would opt for (a c section or a normal birth) are influenced by the so called PEOPLE. I think of my friend - who used to grieve on the delay in completing the construction work of her partly built house due to lack of money. "I've decided to cement the floor because tiling is more costly," she kept saying like a prayer. "A two storeyed house would be nice, but where to find the money ane,?" she continued complaining for months. After months of whining, one day she announced, "how to do without tiling. Nowadays, everyone tiles their houses, ane. And nothing like a two storeyed house. All my neighbours have two storeyed houses, ane." After going through it for twenty odd years I knew my friend's plight, and instead of laughing at her, like most of my colleagues did, I cheered her for her ability to live life not the way she wanted but to be on par with the Jhonasses, oops, Jayawardenes, is it? Then, we both laughed at our colleagues who made fun of her - for they have acted, the same way, hundreds of times, knowing or not knowing, trying to live a photostat life, mimicking others. Another close friend, who got through her ordinary level examination with eight distinctions - accuses her parents every once in a while, for pressuring her so much to become a doctor. "They kept on saying how much people respect doctors and that most people couldn't send their children to medical college. I wanted to do science as well, but because everyone bullied me so much I decided otherwise,". My poor friend - who always wanted to do the opposite of what her parents said - ended up in the arts class. As she feels that Christmas is around the corner, my mother starts her usual complaints. "This Christmas, we are not having any guests! You are not kids anymore, so no Christmas tree! I have told your father there is no need of colour washing the house this time!" But, we have always spent Christmas at least with a couple of guests by the side of our Christmas tree, enjoying the smell of wet paint. "What would people think,?" my mother slowly murmurs as she puts back her china in place. Why don't we Sri Lankan's live our life simply and especially the way we want? Why do we always try to compete with others? I try to ask my husband, as we sit down and plan our unborn child's future. Which school we should send her to, how we should dress her and promise each other that we will enrol her for elocution and swimming lessons, because people always engage their children in such activities. |
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I never wanted a fancy wedding. Nor did he. So we both agreed to have a
simple church wedding. No bridal retinue..no fancy themes..no five star
hotels. It didn't take us more than a week to plan the entire ceremony. He
suggested to have the ceremony on my birthday. I agreed. I wanted to pick
the church. He agreed. With mutual agreements and no broken hearts we began
to plan the most important day in our lives. 
PEOPLE cannot do this to me.I could not change my wedding plans to please
the so called PEOPLE and their beliefs. I cried my heart out. The wedding
was held two weeks past my birthday (thanks to my mother and the astrologer)
amidst hundreds of strangers whom we are still trying to figure out. With
utmost difficulty we managed to limit the bridal retinue to a dozen, but
still had another half a dozen of angry cousins who wanted to be a part of
the team. 
