Not like Her!

I was staying with my youngest daughter Shani after my husband's death several months back. Shani's youngest daughter Imaya, was just thirteen years old at that time. Her elder sister Nimmi was six years older than her. Imaya was very fond of me from the beginning. Nimmi was always busy with her studies. She was a high flyer getting good grades for everything. However, Imaya was an average happy child with whatever grades she could obtain.

One day I heard someone crying. To my surprise, it was Imaya. I hadn't seen her so upset for the past few months.

"Imaya, why are you crying?" I asked.

"No, Grandma, it's nothing" she said.

Don't tell me you are crying for nothing. There must be a reason. I know you very well. You are not the type to cry," I replied.

Imaya continued sobbing and didn't want to speak to me. It hurt me.

"Imaya, please stop crying and tell me what happened. I might be able to help you," I tried to make her speak.

"Why does this always happen to me Grandma?" Imaya said finally.

"What happened Imaya? Did your Amma or Thaththa scold you?" I asked.

"I don't mind if they scolded me when I make mistakes but I feel sad when they always compare me with Akka ," she told me frankly.I knew she was talking about Nimmi at this moment.

"Imaya, I know what you must be feeling. Don't be sad. Everything is going to be alright," I said. At that moment, my thoughts went back to Shani's childhood. I remembered how much she hated being compared with her sister, Thanushi. I saw the struggle she went through to have her own identity.

She had a difficult time to show the others that she was not like her sister and her goal was totally different from her high flying, elder sister. I wondered for a moment how she could treat poor Imaya like this knowing about the hard times she had as a child. I didn't want her to make the mistake I made and wanted to talk about Imaya with her.Imaya was still crying.

"Don't worry Imaya. Everything will be alright," and I left the room. After a few days I had a conversation with Shani when she was preparing dinner.I had already decided to ask her and her husband, Sarath, to stop comparing Imaya with Nimmi.

"Shani, are you busy?"

"No Amma. Why, do you want anything?" Shani said.

"Yes, I want to talk to you about Imaya" I said.

"Why, what's wrong with her?" Shani asked in an anxious tone.

"There is nothing wrong with her now, but if you and Sarath keep pestering her, you will have an immense problem in your hands" I scolded her.

"Please Amma, I don't understand what you are talking about. Have I treated Imaya badly?" Shani retorted.

Childhood

"You have forgotten your childhood completely, haven't you Shani? Otherwise you will never compare Imaya with Nimmi," I said angrily.

"No, I haven't forgotten how you and thaththa always thought me as a failure and Akka as the brilliant one in the family." Shani said furiously. "As a matter of fact, I still envy Akka and hate her as much as I love her all because of you and Thaththa," Shani told frankly.

"Then why are you repeating the same mistake I made with you. Why can't you see that Imaya is also suffering like you did," I made my point. "I know I made a mistake then, but I don't want to see my granddaughter suffer with by the same mistake. That's what I want to talk to you about," I said to Shani adamantly.

"Amma, Imaya is not like me. She doesn't study at all. How ever much you and Thaththa hurt my feelings I managed to come up in life," Shani tried to explain. "I wanted Imaya to be like Nimmi. See how clever and hard working she is! Can't you see Amma ? I wanted Imaya to be successful in her life like her sister.

" Shani said defensively."Shani I know as a mother I also wanted you and Thanushi to be successful in life. But I made a big mistake by not thinking that the two of you are different in many ways. I kept on nagging you to be like Thanushi," I said. "What you are doing to Imaya is not right. Why? Can't you think that she is totally different from Nimmi, like you and Akka?" I continued.

Medical School

"I know but if she doesn't do her studies properly she won't be able to go to a Medical school like we planned and you know very well,it is so competitive today that it is not easy to enter one," Shani said in an apprehensive tone.

"That's your idea. Have you ever asked Imaya what she wants to do? Haven't you noticed that she is good in Art and Music rather than studies like you were those days?" I tried to make Shani recall her childhood memories hoping that those might bring good memories to Imaya.

"See, now you are a pianist. Thanushi is a physician and both of you live good lives like I always dreamt about," I said.

"I know what you are going to say next Amma, you are not happy with me being a pianist. You always wanted me to study and become a physician. I destroyed your plans. I am sorry for hurting you and Thaththa," Shani said irritably and stormed out of the room.

At that moment, I realized that Shani was hurt not because she couldn't become a doctor but because she couldn't fulfill our dreams and our plans. Guilt overwhelmed me. Unintentionally we have made her suffer all these years. Unless she realized, she would make Imaya to suffer like she did.

I wanted to tell her how proud I am to have a world famous pianist-my daughter. I wanted to apologize for what I did. Unfortunately she didn't give me a chance. I wasn't blaming her. After all she had suffered a lot because of our plans and our inability of not being able to recognize her as SHANI and not THANUSHI.

Argument

After a few days, I heard a big argument between Shani and Imaya."You and Thaththa are always pleased about the things Nimmi does. Both of you never appreciate what I am doing to make both of you proud. I am fed up of being under-estimated and made to feel inferior to Nimmi. Can't you understand? I am not like her!" Imaya said boldly.

"Imaya, I am not comparing you with your sister.I know how you are feeling," Shani said patiently.

"You don't know how I feel. You can't even imagine. If you do, you won't treat me like this," Imaya shouted.

Compare

"I have always been compared with your aunt Thanushi all these years but I couldn't understand what I was doing to you was the same until your grandma talked to me about you. I am so sorry," Shani apologized .

"I maya, I wanted you to study in whatever faculty you like. I know you like to practise music like me. From today I give you my fullest support to achieve it," Shani said encouragingly." Thank you very much Amma.

I am happy, finally you realized that I am not like my sister," Imaya said in a relieved voice.I was glad to see Imaya's sweet smile again and was proud of my daughter Shani. I was waiting to talk to Shani after this incident. One day I got the opportunity.

"Shani, I am very proud of you. You are a good daughter, wife and especially a good mother," I said.

"I never expected to hear that from you Amma" Shani said with a sincere smile on her face.

"After the chat we had the other day I thought about what I was doing to Imaya and wanted to rectify it.

I am glad everything is settled thanks to you Amma," Shani said caringly. "I assure you Amma, there will be no more comparing from today onwards."

By Thamara Jayasinghe, Colombo 05.