Shades of pink

It was a bright Friday after noon in the month of August. Students dressed in all sorts of vibrant colours were passing me, clutching their backpacks and making their way towards the hall. I had been standing there for almost a half an hour, feeling nervous and worried to find myself exposed to people I never knew.

I glanced impatiently at my wristwatch and continued to search for the familiar face of my best friend, Nisha, among the sea of unknown faces. I had known her long enough to know that she never had the habit of coming early, even if her life depended on it. But since I had reminded her for umpteenth time yesterday, about the first day of our journalism class, I was feeling more optimistic.

Despite our vast differences, we had been the best of friends for the past five years in Birmingham. She had always been a flamboyant character, ready to face life as it comes, while I always preferred to remain in the shadows.

She would say anything to anyone at anytime without the slightest thought of its after effects, whereas I chose my words carefully to match the mood of the situation. The list itself was as long as her list of boyfriends. I was still thinking of us, unaware of the smile that stretched across my lips when someone blocked my view.

"Excuse me," said a strong masculine voice, as I looked into the handsome face of its owner. "Can you tell me what time it is?" he asked, his face breaking into a wide grin. His dark brown hair was wavy and features chiselled. Most of all his coffee brown eyes were breathtaking. He squinted at the afternoon sun and continued to shade his eyes with his right hand while looking at me. He was clad in a navy blue sweater and matching pair of trousers. He was a good six inches taller than I was and had a tanned complexion that gleamed in a deep shade of bronze.

Quizzical

He was still standing in front of me when I saw his eyebrows knit together to form a quizzical look. Then only realized that I hadn't told him the time yet. I glanced at my wristwatch but for the first time in my life, I was unable to read the time. It was as if I was suddenly struck by amnesia. My heart was thudding hard against my chest as I struggled to concentrate on the hands of my wristwatch.

"Uh, it's just after one" I stammered, somewhat lamely, feeling butterflies inside my stomach. I slowly let out my breath as I regained my composure.

"Thanks" he said as he made his way towards the end of the terrace, where he stood waiting for someone. She wore horn-rimmed glasses and looked every inch the reliable pal that boys found comfy.

She was quite a contrast compared to the gorgeous guy in his fashionable attire. I was still thinking of him when I felt someone pinching my arm. "Perhaps you'd better come down to earth, Ama, and thank me for not being late today". Nisha was standing beside me, dressed in a bright shade of pink as usual, her hands on her hips and looking at me with gracefully arched eyebrows.

"Almost" I grunted as we rushed towards the hall.Half an hour later we were sitting side by side listening to Professor Jenkins describing the "Attributes of a successful journalist".

"A successful journalist should possess the ability to unearth truth from where it lies hidden and should be objective in his approach to certain issues. He or she should be capable of identifying the true personality of a person beneath the false exterior".

Disbelief

I stole a glance at my best friend sitting next to me. She was fidgeting in her seat and drumming her fingers lightly on her desk as she surveyed the crowded room, probably looking for a dark handsome stranger. I shook my head in disbelief. "Some things would never change" I groaned inwardly.

As I started jotting down notes from the lecture I felt Nisha nudging me. She gave me a folded piece of paper.While I opened it, I looked at her curiously but she was keeping a steady gaze at the professor herself as if nothing happened.

Written in bold pink letters was the sentence, "That guy in the second row is looking at you!". The whole paper was covered with tiny hearts here and there. I wasn't affected by the note at first. It was typical of her to tell me that boys are interested in me.

We had been through this for as long as I could remember. I has told her for the millionth time that boys did not find me attractive. Even I myself had given up bothering about it long ago. I would have rather convinced a five year old. Well, she never stopped trying.

Resist

All the same, I could not resist the temptation to see whether she had said the truth this time. I anxiously ran my eyes through the mob of students. My eyes finally met those coffee brown ones. His eyes bore into mine as his gaze pierced through the atmosphere, searching for something I couldn't quite identify. I quickly pulled away from his unbearable gaze. It had created shockwaves inside me. I felt my checks burning hot and I was afraid Nisha would hear my heart beat in a most thunderous manner.

As for the next few days, I found myself sailing through a rainbow-tinted world. Even the weary voice of Professor Jenkins sounded like thousand bells ringing in unison. I could not recall feeling like this ever before. After all, no one had ever been interested in me.

Every time I entered the hall, I found his eyes following me as I strolled through the rows of students. He seemed to observe my every move, the way I walked, the way I smiled and even the way I chattered with my friends.

At first, I felt extremely nervous to be under his eye but gradually my nervousness melted away. It was soon replaced by an emotion, which was foreign to me. For the first time in years, I felt conscious about how I looked. Every now and again, I heard myself chanting the same of words inwardly. "Someone is watching me!"

"Since when did you prefer pink to black?", demanded Nisha as I flopped into the chair, next to her, wearing a floral printed skirt and a matching pink top.

"Since now!" I replied smiling wryly at her. She cocked an eyebrow at me while completing her homework in a hurry. As the minutes ticked by, I caught sight of him looking my way. By now, I was used to it and appeared to be more relaxed in his presence but all the while my heartbeat raised to an alarming rate, leaving me breathless at the sight of him.

Enigmatic expression

One Friday afternoon, I entered the hall with Nisha and walked towards the middle of the room. I shot a glance at the second row, expecting to see him gazing up at me with his enigmatic expression. All of a sudden, I froze in my tracks.

He was not there in his usual place. I hurriedly surveyed the room but failed to catch sight of him. Nisha had walked a few metres ahead of me absently, thinking that I was following her. She turned around and saw me standing numb in the middle of the hall.

She beckoned me to come. I hurriedly made my way towards her.I was painfully conscious of the time passing by as the hall filled up with students. I spotted the mousy girl coming through the doorway.

My heart began to pound as I craned my neck, hoping to see him coming behind her. But it was the professor herself who came up behind her, adjusting the spectacles neatly on the tip of her nose.

My heart dropped at the sight of her. Suddenly I was aware of the four long hours, stretched ahead of me. Nisha leaned an elbow on her desk, resting her palm against her cheek and observed me intently through slightly narrowed eyes.

"I can almost see a dark cloud hovering over your head" she remarked, shaking her head.

After two gloomy hours later, I caught sight of a folded piece of paper sandwiched between my textbook and purse. Nisha was urging me to read her note. I lethargically opened it. It read,

"You are in LOVE, my pal!"

Once again, the whole sheet was covered with tiny pink hearts. I saw Nisha giving me a thumbs-up. I rolled my eyes at her and continued to share at the mess, professor Jenkins had made with her illegible handwriting on the board, which looked exactly the way I felt.

For me, the word "love" had always been linked with the word "confusion". I knew for sure that no one could ever offer me the kind of love, I wanted. After all, I did not believe true love existed. It was only known to be found in romance novels or lovey-dovey movies but in reality people seemed to start relationships for all the wrong reasons.

I had always managed to step neatly out of any confusing situations but this time it was different. I did not know whether it was merely a matter of infatuation but whether I saw him, I found myself captivated in a manner, which surprised me.

That night I lay awake on my bed thinking about him. I closed my eyes and pictured myself sitting across him in a heather covered moor filled with wild flowers. His handsome face glowed in the afternoon sun as he titled my chin up with one hand and gazed deeply in to my eyes. He said nothing but kept his enigmatic gaze fixed on me.

"I love you" I heard myself whisper after a long moment as I Finally fell asleep.

Studying

Three weeks later, I sat pouring over my textbook studying for the exam with Nisha. We had chosen a place under the shade of a huge tree in the grounds. So had many students of our class. They sat hunched over their books covering almost every square inch of the grounds.

"Whose turn to buy ice-cream?" asked Nisha. She was sitting across me, her legs crossed.

"Not mine" I responded sweetly, without taking my eyes off the book.

"All right" she groaned as she stood up, brushing her white trouser with her hands. "I'll be back in a minute".

I lifted my head and saw her jogging leisurely towards the cafeteria. Suddenly I caught sight of someone walking towards where I sat. Our eyes met and I hastily looked down at my book. Dozen weird thoughts ran through my mind as I kept reading the same line over and over again, about twenty times. I could feel blood pounding in my veins. My heart began to race harder with every step he took.

"Is he finally going to ask me out" I wondered, rubbing my sweaty hands on my skirt. The class was due to end the next day after the exam. A chill ran through my spine at the very thought of it.

Standing

I kept staring at my textbook as if it was the most fascinating thing on earth. Then I was suddenly aware of him, standing right in front of me.

I slowly lifted my head when I heard him say, "Can I sit down?" I nodded my head in approval, unable to find my tongue. My stomach twisted into knots as he flopped down in front of me. For a long moment, he kept staring into space, his forehead slightly creased. "I don't know where to begin," he finally said with a sigh, "By the way my name's Jay" he said a nervous grin spreading across his handsome features. For a moment, I wished I could be more lie Nisha. She would have handled this, hands down.

"My father is an Indian and my mother's from Scotland. I had only one elder sister, Gia. She was the only best friend I ever had" Jay said as he raked a hand through his hair. He clasped both hands and his expression turned grave.

"Why is he telling me all this" I wondered.

"You must be wondering why I'm telling you all this" he said voicing my thoughts exactly. I smiled wanly at him. "You'll see" he assured. "Like I said, I was very close to my sister. We were more like buddies". He took a deep breath and continued, "My life suddenly stopped, when she died of leukaemia two years ago".

His coffee brown eyes gleamed with unshed tears as his mind raced back to the past. "I miss her so much".

"When I first saw you, I felt like looking at old Gia herself. You had the same features, the same complexion and even the same sweet smile. You filled my days for the past two months. You don't know, how much it means to me. For that, I just wanted to thank you in person, before tomorrow. Who knows, I might never get a chance", I heard him say through the haze of distress.

Chathurani Ranathunge, Mahamaya Girls' College, Kandy