Hen-pecked and happy about it?

by Rikaza Hassan

Marriage is an equal opportunity thing, or so say all the books on how to make your marriage work. It is a working relationship between two people that involves decisions made jointly after discussion, where two parties are equally supportive of the other, blah, blah, blah. Nevertheless in any relationship there is one who gives more and the other who takes more, and in this time of rat-races and competition, the taker is considered unfortunately a winner in the game.

And of course, in the good ole traditional motherland of ours, it is usually the man who takes more, who gets heard more, whose ideas are more often decided upon and who works less on the marriage itself. So what happens when such fixed conventional rules are reversed? We are left with a man who is commonly called a GB - Genita Bayayi, behind his back, or in worse cases, a GGB - Genita Goo Bayayi.

Most such males do not admit to or even talk about their lack of control of the marriage, in case there is even a slight bruise to their egos. So it was after many phone calls, much pleading and a threat to reveal to his wife his plans to purchase a new gadget without her approval did Sunil agree to talk to the Sunday Observer of his marriage. "Despite what people think or say, I love my wife a lot. So obviously when baba (the wife) gets upset I am ready to do anything to make her happy again.

Yes, she is in charge of the finances but that just makes it easier for me and she is a great mother. Baba is great at disciplining the children." As for the household chores, he does admit to taking care of them. "She is so tired after her classes and social work meetings during the day, that of course, I make dinner. It's only fair; she takes care of all the meals during the weekends." At which time Sunil will precede to "wash the car, clean the garden, the house, etc."

Hen-pecked and happy about it? This rooster most certainly surprised me with his frank assessment of his marriage and his lack of any embarrassment about it. "Everyone knows my wife wears the pants in our home; she's been in control ever since our courtship days. I think it's wonderful for me since I absolutely hate making decisions, and have no big responsibility as such.

I know I sound immature - that's because I am, (laugh!) and our relationship suits me just fine. We both love each other; she's the main breadwinner since I make just a paltry sum doing something for fun and so yes, I do more chores than the average husband. I also love to cook and clean. Call me a kept man if you want, I love my wife and my life."

Not many souls manage to sound that up beat about anything, especially not other men relegated to the co-pilot's seat. Says Mahen, 40, "I don't like my wife and neither does she like me except for my money. Our marriage was average at first, but after we had our first child she changed into some monster and started ordering me around, commanding me on what I should do, and pulling a huge tantrum if I refused to oblige.

I have two little children whom I love very much and for their sakes I have to listen to her so as not to cause a scene all the time." A bitter man afraid of confrontation?

"I used to try and talk to her, but I've given up. I guess I will just have to be under a petticoat government for a long time to come."

Complacent, broken or even overjoyed at the prospect of not being in control of their marriage, it would seem that men are of more complexity emotionally than what they make out to be.

all names are fictitious