Nothing wrong in a man crying?

by Rikaza Hassan

"I cry quite often," says Damith. "I cry at the really sad parts in movies, when happy, soppy stuff happen to the characters in my favourite television shows. I cry when I'm in terrible pain and when I'm overwhelmingly joyful.

I experienced bouts of tears throughout my wife's labour; at first the staff thought it was sweet, but as time wore on and no baby came out, they kept giving me a few dirty glances. And when they gave me my little girl to me, that's when I broke down so bad, that I couldn't see.

I cry when I'm depressed which is when it's gloomy and raining or listening to Sarah McLachlan. I cried when my dog died recently," he adds with a sad countenance. Damith* however has mixed feelings about crying as much as he does.

"At first my wife was surprised when she saw me cry the way I do, but she's been quite supportive. I don't show this side of myself when it comes to the rest of the world, because they'll just consider me weird." And he adds with a final flourish, "I see nothing wrong in being male and sensitive."

Despite how people feel about themselves when engaged in the process, shedding a few or more tears is usually quite good on the person involved. The known fact that women cry quite a bit more than their male counterparts must be taken in hand with the information that they are also much better at handling unwanted upheavals and coming to terms with new conditions than men, simply because they take the opportunity to have a 'good cry' about it. The tear shedding process is a great stress reliever, an emotional and physical release with curative effects.

Navin, 25, does not advocate weeping by his fellow kind. "Society does not understand tears cascading down the cheeks of a grown man. It is okay to look red-eyed at the funeral of a loved one, the birth of a grandchild and so on, as though one has shed a few private tears, but crying is just not a man's past time." His colleague Gayathri agrees. "A man doesn't have to cry to be considered sensitive. A man crying his heart out is not a pretty sight. After all to be a man is to be able to stand and take it as it comes sans the wet cheeks."

Nevertheless men have come a long way since times past in this crying business. Men are frequently seen overwhelmed by grief and resorting to tears at times of tragedy from news bulletins to formerly macho Hollywood heroes and other leading men, even Bollywood leading men seem to be following suit. Men also admit to having shed a few tears more readily than before, even if it is only among a chosen few. Progress though it may be, society still has a long way to go in accepting a weeping man as nonchalantly as a weeping woman according to Trevor*.

"There is absolutely nothing wrong in a man crying, be it an expression of grief, happiness or otherwise. We might not PMS and have no excuse for suddenly bursting into tears, but it doesn't change the fact that we too are human with human emotions and failings. I believe that the average man cries a lot more often than he lets on - he is just afraid to admit it because of how he will be perceived by society."

It would seem that man is not as different from woman as previously thought, that the so-called woman' silliness that is crying afflicts man at certain times as well. In the end crying is a healthy expression of grief or extreme joy and there is nothing wrong in letting out those tears whether you've got a uterus or not.

names have been changed on request.