Language Tips

Excuse Me, Parlez-Vous...?

by Robert Isenberg

So you've stepped off the plane, passed through customs, and there you are: Smack in the middle of Tokyo's Narita Airport. Everyone is speaking Japanese. The bright, colourful signs are splayed with kanji and hiragana writing.

Unfortunately, the only Japanese word you know is "sushi," and you can't even read that one. You have to check into the hotel by six o'clock, and everybody is moving so fast, and you can't even find a simple exit sign, and everybody's looking at you, and the whole conference is going to be a disaster, and?

So you take a breath, you step up to a friendly-looking guy in a suit, and, reading from your phrase book, you say: "Uh, konichi-wa...uh...anay-tah-wah...ay-go...oh...hana-shee...ma-soo...?"

And the guy just looks at you, like: What the heck did you just say?

Even though nothing is more difficult, more aggravating, than trying to puzzle out a foreign language learning one can be fun and rewarding, opening all sorts of cultural doors.

And if you travel broadly, you'll likely get stuck somewhere, butchering foreign phrases and getting weird looks. This is never easy and it's sometimes humiliating or dangerous but it's an inevitable fact of the traveller's life. Here are a few suggestions for bushwhacking into an exotic tongue.

Learn some phrases beforehand

No matter what the teach-yourself guides say, nobody's going to learn French overnight much less Japanese or Swahili. So unless you're a language genius or you've booked your flight way in advance, give up the dream. Instead, memorize basic high-priority phrases.

Learn some greetings (hello, thank you, goodbye), emergency phrases (help, hospital), and, if you have time, the number system.

Also make sure you know the name of your destination Russians don't call their capital Moscow, nor do Austrians call their homeland Austria Keep a pocket phrase-book with you at all times, just in case. And above all, always know how to ask for the restroom. At some point, your bladder will appreciate it.

Try an audio course

Boring as they can be, audio courses can save you a lot of grief. Every phrasebook contains a pronunciation guide in the first few pages, but some languages can be very inconsistent (English being the prime offender of its own rules).

If you want to tell a Welshman "congratulations" in his native tongue, you'll have to puzzle out the word "Llongyfarchiadau." If you ask a Slovakian how to find a music store, you'll have to stumble through this: "Kde je obchod s hudobninami?"

Pronunciation guides are helpful, but it's much better to hear the words spoken. And these days, it's easy: People used to lug around a bulky booklet of tapes, but now you can purchase audio guides on CD, purchase a computer course on CD-ROM or download lessons on MP3.

So while others are playing Gnarls Barkley on their iPods while riding the bus home from work, you can be practising your Norwegian.