Darling we aren't too old, though we pass the Jubilee Gold

The Proposal

Finding the most suitable suitor:

by Lakmal Welabada

"When you arrange a marriage for your son, it's a big risk. You either gain a daughter or lose your son. This also depends on two facts. Her qualities and background come first. Secondly, how you accept and treat her," says H. P. de Silva, former senior civil servant speaking on the eve of his jubilee wedding anniversary.

Hakkini Piyadasa de Silva was born as the single child to Hakkini Baron de Silva, a businessman and Porage don Juliana on June 27 in 1928. "Our home town was Balapitiya.

My father owned grocery stores and small restaurants in Ratnapura and Colombo. So we had to stay at Borella in a rented house. In fact I was also born in Colombo," reminisces HP. "Our rented place was adjoining the Arch Bishop's Palace (where Aquinas is today) and Lady Ridgeway Children's Hospital.

So that area was always fairly crowded. During the holidays I used to fly to Balapitiya where all my relatives stayed. My father's elder brother too was with us at Borella, schooling with me. Both of us went to Ananda College, Maradana," he recalls.

The education I had at Ananda was great! I entered the University of Ceylon (University of Colombo) in 1948, and obtained a degree in Economics specialising in banking and currency," he reminisces.

"The life of the university of yesterday was totally different from today. Unlike at present those days we had "gentleman ragging". We might have to wear a jute tie and salute the seniors.

At the end of the ragging season the freshers had to take the seniors to the Majestic cinema to whatever the film that was on. But most of the time no one watched the film and would hoot and whistle.

Sometimes the general audience complained to the hall Manager about the disturbances. But it was really fun and enjoyable. We associated with girls but never had steady love affairs," he winks looking at his wife signifying that she has been the only heart his love has ever knocked at.

HP was bit of an imp, and was enjoying his solitary childhood under the shower of his parents' love. And the very first blow in his life occurred on one of the most happiest days in his life. HP stepped into the house carrying his cloak and the degree certificate.

He was returning from his convocation held that day. His father who was really proud of his only child's achievement, was with him. HP wanted to show his cloak and certificate to his mother. He went into her room. His mother was on her sick bed.

Feeling his son's hand, Juliana opened her eyes and stared at him for some time. The slight smile on her face engraved in his mind as the last few moments he saw of his mother. She died the very next moment.

By the time of the third month of his mother's dane, HP had got an appointment as a teacher at Sri Vaisakya Vidyalaya, Wellawatta. After working as a teacher for one and half years, HP applied for a post of a Labour officer at the Labour Department.

HP's father was worried. After his wife's death their only child seemed not to be getting proper attention, he thought. Though he was a big man holding a good post in the Civil service, still to his father he was still a little boy. Baron de Silva started looking for a bride for his son as it was the correct time for HP to settle down.

All the four - five girls they went to see were looked down on, by HP. "Those girls seemed difficult to maintain," he said. "Why? what's wrong with them? How many proposals have you rejected now? All of them are from very good families," asked his father.

"Those girls...," went on HP, "Didn't you notice the make up and the fashions? I might have to do another job to maintain them if I marry one of them. Also the fourth girl seemed to be dumb.

She uttered nothing, but looked down when I spoke to her. Oh! she looked bored," His father kept quiet. None of the brides seemed to have caught the heart of his son.

Baron de Silva sighed and walked away. The enlarged and framed picture of his wife was on the cabinet in the sitting room. He gazed at it for a while. His son should also get a fine girl like his mother, he thought.

Meanwhile the proposal from a distant relative reached them. It was of Elsie. HP thought a while. He had seen this girl at this relative's place at Kalutara. She was from Kaluwamodara, and was boarded at this place as she was schooling at Kalutara Balika Vidyalaya. HP tried to figure her out. He had a faint memory of her, but he thought she looked pleasant, timid and good natured.

The very first moment when the eyes of the two met at their formal visit to her place at Kaluwamodara, both secretly knew, that they were going to be an ideal couple. They didn't reveal it to anybody as their elders were doing all the arrangements.

Wijemuni Anula Ariyawathi de Silva alias Elsie was born on January 19 in 1931 to Wijemuni Marshal Cyril de Silva, Superintendent of estates and Kalinga Dalin de Silva. Elsie was the second of four siblings.

All she had were brothers and she was the only girl in the family. "My elder brother was strict over the man I was getting married to. It was he who launched the search operation of the suitors and their backgrounds. He was very rigid and never let me get married to a man who drank and smoked," says Elsie with a smile. "So I was the most suitable suitor as I never smoked and drank in my life," butts in HP.

Elsie had her primary education at Sangamitta Balika Vidyalaya, Aluthgama and after sitting for the Senior School Certificate exam she bid farewell to her school. "I was bad in Maths, so didn't want to go further in my studies," she says.

"Our parents believed quite a lot in horoscopes. So an astrologer who read mine had predicted that I would marry a girl with certain qualities and appearances. Coincidentally everything that he told matched with Elsie. Not only that our horoscopes also tallied very well. So the elders of both parties were almost jumping over us in joy," recollects HP.

After a brief period of six months HP and Elsie tied the knot on May 9 in 1957. "Exactly 50 years now," smiles HP.

After the marriage HP took a transfer to the Irrigation Department as an Administrative Officer. "It was somewhere in 1963, if I am correct. Our service was converted to the Ceylon Administrative Service (CAS). Our posts were absorbed to it. (At present it is called Sri Lanka Administrative Service),"says HP.

HP served as the Deputy Commissioner of Marketing Department and then the Commissioner of the Commodity Purchase Department. It was at this time that Sri Lanka signed an agreement on Rubber and rice. So HP got the chance to go to China as well.

The "Marketing Department was very active at that time. We could get train wagons of red dry chilies, tomatoes and onions from Jaffna. Farmers were getting a good steady income. The agriculture industry in Sri Lanka had a flourishing era. But with the open economy and the North East war everything went on to the other side," he sighs.

HP retired as the Additional Secretary to the Ministry of Industries and Scientific Affairs. "I was the consultant to the committee appointed to privatise the government corporations like Tyre Corporation, Hardware Corporation, Ceylon Oxygen and Plywood Corporation.

We also converted Salt Corporation into Puttalam Salt Company and Hambantota Salt Company. The main reason of privatising them was that they were not functioning well under the government.

Government Institutions were inefficient due to politics and it was difficult to get things done. But if the Government appointed the right man at the top and empowered him with authority it would have been alright. But it never happened," points out HP.

Elsie and HP were blessed with five children - two girls and three boys. "I was not good at cooking. And it was a bit of a setback at the beginning," smiles Elsie humbly.

"But I never made that an issue. None could beat her in sewing. You must see, now she is a cookery expert," says HP patting Elsie's hand. The loving couple exchanges a loving smile.

"Our children are the most beautiful and valuable present she gave me for the whole past 50 years; well behaved, who never drink or smoke. We are really happy about them," says HP.

However the death of their youngest son who died in 1991 is still haunting them. Today HP and Elsie are proud grand parents of 6 grandchildren. "My wife should be given the highest embodiment - 'Maathu Bhaarya' (the wife who looks after her husband and family with great care and love the way a mother looks after her own child - The Buddha)," stresses HP.

"I would also give the highest mark of A + to my husband," she concludes.

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