Skeletons in the closet

The police will never come and arrest you but you will always be a prisoner of your conscience:

by Samangie Wettimuny

"Here's the smell of the blood still: all the perfumes of Arabia will not sweeten this little hand Oh! Oh! Oh!" said Lady Macbeth, utterly worn out with ceaseless horror and anxiety. In the end, this fiend like queen could not rid herself of the sense of guilt as she was the one who instigated her husband, Macbeth to kill King Duncan. So goes the story of Shakespeare's Macbeth.

But the story of twenty two year old Anushka tells you that you need not necessarily get involved in homicide to feel so worn out and guilty. When you were rude and cruel to your grandparents while they were living you can never rid yourself of guilt when these elderly persons are no more. Anushka couldn't stand the presence of her grandmother.

She didn't want grandma to use their family bathroom, so Anushka's father, the old lady's son had to put up a new bathroom adjacent to a room near the kitchen. The old lady was then shifted to that room, away from the rest of the family members.

But the old lady was kind as ever. She never criticised any of them , but always a film of misery glided across her eyes when she talked of them. She said she wants to die.

Yes, she did die finally. Everyone who attended the funeral was amazed to see Anushka crying uncontrollably. Some thought that it was mere pretence. They were wrong.

Those were the tears of guilt. She might have remembered how she yelled at her grandma as she saw the old lady coming out of their family bathroom, also how she schemed with her mother to chase the old lady out. But Anushka was too late. The old lady is no more. The tears of guilt will torment her eternally, whenever she thinks of her grand mother.

'Is this story only Anushka's?' I asked myself when one of my relatives told me of Anushka and her grand ma. In my mind's eye I still see the old lady whom I have never known.

I place myself there and try to imagine what I would have felt if I were Anushka's grandma. If Anushka did the same, when her amiable grandmother was living, there wouldn't have been any necessity for her to shed these tears of guilt.

"Just because you keep your old parents at home, rather than sending them to a home for the aged , that does not mean you are treating them well" one of my batchmates told me as I revealed my second hand experience to her.

" I know of a well-to-do family and the society thinks that they are 'respectable' people" She continues. She sees them often in temples carrying white lotuses. " They are pioneers in constructing temples and offering 'dhanas'. They didn't want to 'dispatch' their old father to an elders' home because they knew that such an act would definitely tarnish their image. Not because they loved the old man."

According to my friend the old man's children never let him under go a full medical check up. When he falls ill they take him to the hospital, but never spend an extra rupee on medical check ups that the doctor recommend.

Such 'hawks' will always 'talk' so high of their parents when someone pays these old fellows a visit. The cunning daughter-in-law would always be there at the old lady's( gent's) bed side gently stroking her(his) head. " Mama (Dada) has become lazy. She(he) doesn't want to leave her(his) bed" She would say.

The old lady(man) would then look at her (his) daughter-in-law's face in utter amazement as the former always wanted to have a stroll in the compound. The daughter-in-law would then get up, evading the eyes of the old lady(man). "I hate this rainy weather. Is it raining in your area as well?" she would then turn to the visitor changing the subject!

Thus the old people rarely get an opportunity to talk freely even with their relatives. They are always being 'monitored'. Can I call them 'third party mediators'? No, I'd rather call them 'Top class enemies.'

"You know it is a technique" says Nishanthi who underwent a similar experience when she visited one of her old relatives. " I went with my mother. That old lady is an aunt of my mother. I know that the old lady wants to talk of her problems freely with us.

It is undoubtedly a great comfort to her. But her daughter-in-law never let her do that. She haunts the room like a ghost through out our stay.

It is all out of fear , she doesn't want us to know the true situation of her mother-in-law." Though such things do happen in families, rarely does anyone come out with the truth. It is the family name and dignity that matters, not the pains of your elderly parents.

When forty year old Prasanna let his old ailing mother stay at home all alone herself for two days without any food, it was a neighbour who peeped in and brought her some food. Though it was an heinous 'offence', none of his siblings wanted to make it public.

They tried to cover it up, never advising their brother. Now the mother is no more, thy son is in eternal despair as he could never console his mother and say sorry before her death. His tears too are the tears of guilt. Just as your parents , your in-laws too would grow old. Looking after them is problematic only if you treat them as a burden.

Amidst all this I'am happy to quote the words of a young mother whom I know "I really enjoy looking after my -in-laws. On top of that it is a meritorious deed."

I still remember how intensely Sarwajaya (a character that comes in the famous Bengali novel "Aparajitho' by Bibhutibhushan Bandopadhyay) regrets for being cruel towards her old aunt. It was after several years had passed after the old lady's death that Sarwajaya feels the gravity of the 'crime' she had committed. Then tears of guilt strolls down her face. But she was too late!

The police will never come and arrest you , but you are always a prisoner of your conscience. You are free to cry for joy and as well as for sorrow, but do you think you should let yourself shed tears of guilt?n (* Names have been changed)

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