Coming to grips with

the 'post honeymoon stage':

by Anushka Nanayakkara and Sajitha Prematunge

In a very practical and specific perspective of how men react to sentiments, we realized that it's high time women became aware of what goes on in a man's mind rather than struggling to discover where and what went wrong.

Many women of our society become frustrated and annoyed believing that men behave completely differently when responding to sentiments. Generally men and women think, feel, perceive, react, respond, love, yearn, and appreciate differently.

Frankly one might even say that's how they've been created. What's required is to analyze the psychological differences and learn to deal with the dissimilarities, practically. Only then will it be possible to deal, correct or resolve the differences arising in terms of sentiments of a man towards a woman.

Various grades of people of both sexes, in society will give their testimonials as to how they react to sentiment or lack of it there of; which will in turn put to right the incorrect depictions surrounding men, their understanding of the opposite sex, their clear application of sentiments without restraint, etc... The vision is to envision a man-made-world as not totally devoid of sentiment rather than building on their stereotypically masculine attributes.

Military Spokesman Brigadier Prasad Samarasinghe said that a majority of men are, in fact very sensitive. But men inherently have the immunity of succumbing to it.

Especially those in the forces receive the training necessary to control themselves from being hyper sentimental. "With time and maturing one would learn to be stronger or to hold on without showing a bleeding heart to the world".

He also said it's arbitrary and depends on individuality and how organised and capable one could be. The Brigadier said that this does not mean men who do not cry in public are abnormal. In general men and women are equally sensitive but the methods of expression or capacity for tolerance would definitely differ according to individuality.

Well known dramatist, actor and University lecturer of Theatre and image arts, Priyankara Ratnayaka told the Sunday Observer that he does not agree with the norm that man is less sentimental and emotional than women. "They just express emotions in a different ways".

For example in an extremely sad situation women may cry and men may not. "But this does not mean that they are not emotional, just because you don't see them cry" Explained Priyankara Ratnayaka. He further commented that lack of emotional expression could even lead to physical illnesses. "Then there are women who express less emotions than even men".

Women are generally considered to be impulsive, but men aren't. Men may cry on the sly, because they consider crying as a sign of weakness which may be damaging to their personality. He also claimed that the opportunities men have to express their emotions are more vast than women.

Men go out with their friends, socialize, drink and let out steam. "More over Asians are generally bound by cultural restraints" Asians specially Sri Lankans prefer not to express their emotions much. Consequently men and women are trained to take up different roles from a very young age.

"Although we have learned to move with the rest of the world in studies like arts, drama, etc.... genes get in the way of our men and women stepping out of their stereotypical roles". Women are generally considered to be stereotypically soft hearted and men hard hearted.

As a dramatist, Priyankara Ratnayaka explained that actresses are considered better at doing a good job with expressing the emotions of their characters than actors. "That's what makes actors like Marlon Brando great actors. Men are less flexible at expressing emotions, but not necessarily less emotional".

Mallika Karunaratna, Secretary to the Ministry of National Heritage, claimed that the office is not a place where you brought emotions to. She agreed that up to a certain extent, and concerning different careers the stereotypical roles may make some sense, but in the government sector both sexes have to be restrained in expressing their emotions.

"Buddhist philosophy has a prominent place in my life, and I am a true follower of equanimity or the middle path. You have to be mindful not to go in to extremes even with expressions of emotions".

Renowned Author and physician Dr. Priyanga De Zoysa said that 'sentiment' is just a tag people use for describing different emotional states. But never the less stereotypes exist.

The reason for most disputes between couples may be that women tend to generalize and men tend to misinterpret. "A woman might say 'Our lives are so hectic'.

She may not mean this in the true sense of the word and if the man takes this in its' literal sense, he's in for trouble. The meaning of your communication is the response you get" In this sense it's clear that both sexes use the same language to convey different sentiments.

Men are direct and they cannot comprehend the indirectness of women. It's a myth that men are less sentimental, it's just that they sometimes prefer not to express it. They will only talk when they prefer it and be sentimental only when they chose to.

At the 'honeymoon stage' or initial stage of a relationship both parties tend to overlook the fact that they are two different people. But both parties later realize that it's just a transient phase, at this state - the 'post-honeymoon stage' both men and women have to be compromising.

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