'I chose a life of double commitment'

Nelun, talks about life with Air Marshal Roshan Goonetilleke:

"He has hardly had a personal life. All his vigour and strength is given to the Nation. I don't envy that at all, it is a pride. Every soldier's wife ought to be proud as every woman does not get that chance," says Nelun Therese Moonemalle Goonetileke, beloved wife of Air Marshal Roshan Goonetileke, the Commander of Sri Lanka Air Force.

"I cannot remember a day he visited the children's schools'; he has never gone to a bank and never been to a market after we got married. Everything has been attended to by me. But I've never grumbled as I've realised from the very inception that his fervour and vitality should be rendered to the country. It's a duty and sacrifice every Service-wife should shoulder from the day she ties the knot," she says.

Certainly yes! In every Service Ceremonial Wedding, the bride gets the Honour of Sword, a colourful, meaningful event but the gravity of the future is a totally different story.

It declares how she also becomes part and parcel of the 'Service' or in other words, 'Forces'. A world of responsibilities from day one, a life shun from society until retirement.

"When I told him yesterday that I will be interviewed for the column, 'From the Spouse's Mouth', he wanted me to tell you (the writer) that I immediately fell in love with the young handsome pilot I saw at Katunayaka, which is not true. It was the other way round, ha! ha! ha!," laughs Nelun.

Nelun was born and bred in Kurunegala. Her father Ivor and Patricia Moonemalle were landed proprietors. Nelun was the second among three girls and two boys. "I studied at Holy Family Convent, Kurunegala. The school was close to our place.

All of us, the sisters took part in everything that was there at school. We were good at sports too," she recalls. Their fame was a headache to their mother as they were the centre of attraction of many boys' in the area.

The three 'my-fair-ladies' with their grace, fame and beauty were called 'Elakiri, Meekiri and so on. In fact, such 'appreciations' were visualised on their front parapet wall. Their house was just by the side of the main road. So during the 'Big Matches', they were at the receiving end of a lot of embarrassment. Even the assistance of the Police was sought.

Nelun was just 15 years when she was asked to accompany her cousin sisters to Katunayaka Air Force Base. They were chaperoned by their grandfather. "My cousin Anoma was engaged to Pilot Roger Weerasinghe (late Group Captain). He had invited us to his quarters at Katunayaka for dinner. Six to seven of his batch mates were also invited, and Roshan was one of them.

All of them were very much senior to us. The fiances of some of those Air Force Pilots were also there. Four of us were the tiny tots among them.. Since we did not fit into the company much so we went outside and stayed under a tree in front of the quarters.

It was then that Rohan came in. He was after sports and came late for the occasion. I still remember him in his Rugger T-shirt and boots," reminisces Nelun with a broad smile. Although the girls turned a blind eye to the Rugger-rite, Nelun noticed him continuously looking at her.

"After a few days, Anoma Akka told me that Roshan was interested in me. I was so naive, didn't know whether or not to pursue the matter. Even the reply to the very first love letter he sent me was written by Anoma Akka, and I signed it," she laughs.

Their puppy love began to grow. The orthodox environment in which Nelun grew up was a great obstacle, yet the love affair continued. "Roshan is from Colombo. But to even get a glimpse of him was terribly difficult. Roger and Anoma were our only supporters.

They were staying in Kurunegala. So, sometimes Roshan used to come there and Anoma Akka would send a message for me to come there to meet him," she says.

The other means of communication with him was through letters. I had a friend called Anushi just in front of our place. Since she was an actress and used to receive a lot of letters daily.

Roshan sent letters to me to her address with a red arrow on the reverse of the envelop. So, whenever Anushi got a 'red arrow' letter she used to signal me by singing Leo Sayer's song 'When I need you just close my eyes and I'm with you', aloud. So, I used to go there, read the letter, reply it then and there and give it to Anushi to post," she giggles.

"But once I was down with Hepatitis, Anushi had to bring them to me. I wrote a reply to him and kept it inside a book. My younger sister found the letter and showed it to my mother.

I quickly ran to the bathroom and burnt the whole bundle of letters he had sent me and flushed them off down the toilet. But, I got a good slap from my mother," she says reminding me of the scene between young Nanda and her mother Matara Hamine over the letters sent to Nanda by her boy friend, Piyal in Lester James Peris' famous film 'Gam Peraliya' based on the novel by Martin Wickremesinghe.

Air Marshal Roshan Mahesh James Goonetileke, the 12th Air Force Commander of Sri Lanka was the son of the 5th Air Force Commander of Sri Lanka, Air Chief Marshal Harry Goonetileke and Mrs. Marion Goonetileke. He was educated at St. Peter's College, Colombo and had earned a name for Rugger as a school boy.

On February 15 in 1986 Roshan and Nelun vowed to stay together, 'till death do us part'. She was 20 years and he was 29 years then when she began facing reality.

Forcesmen generally get a two-week honeymoon. But he was called for duty within a week. I was sad. He reminded me: 'Before I tied the knot you signed another bond. I'm already married to it - the Service. So, my duty to the nation comes first.

You have to understand that'... Yes, I did. And from that point on, until our son was 15 years, we were rarely together. I never grumbled because...; (pauses) may be I've never felt the void that much. I just faced life as it came. However, God has given me the strength to handle everything perfectly," she smiles.

"People say that Servicemen are strong. I would like to say that a wife of a soldier should be stronger in that sense. Also she needs the support of the extended family and society a lot, as her husband would never be at home when needed. The entire family sacrifices their happiness for the well-being of the nation. So please remember this and try to lend a helping hand to such people," points out Nelun.

Question: What are the special qualities you see in your husband?

Nelun: He was one of those who has faced life long dilemmas with the two deaths of his batch mate Group Captain Roger Weerasinghe who died in the Avro crash at Palali on April 28, 1995, and his brother, Group Captain Shirantha Goonetileke who died at the second Avro crash at Palali on April 29, just a few hours later. (I remember them with great honour and respect).

Roshan was upset. But he is a person who can stay calm and quiet in any difficult situation. He has a lot of endurance. To face such challenges one has to reach a certain level of spirituality. To feel for the whole nation and mankind.

Question: Him as a husband?

Nelun: My man is a rare man. I would say he is the best husband a wife would ever wish for. He is extremely humble and simple. Things didn't come to him on a platter. He did his duty well, and as I told you earlier he rarely had a personal life.

People work for positions, but he has never and that's what I really appreciate in him. His strength to be able to face any situation in life, is marvellous. I'm still learning to be like him (smiles).

Question: Any weakness?

Nelun: Hmm.... I never lived with another man to compare (laughs)... However, I would say, my husband doesn't know to boast about himself (smiles). Instead he would listen to others' quietly. Roshan is neither haughty nor pompous and has never misused his power. He is reserved, I would say and I'm more out-going. I hardly find any weakness in him.

Question: You are very much into community service. Explain.

Nelun: I'm fully involved in the Air Force Seva Vanitha projects and programmes such as scholarships, self employment projects, interest free loans, medical assistance especially for Kidney and cancer patients, counselling services and so on.

Since I too am a Pre-School teacher, I concentrate a lot on uplifting the standards of pre-school education in the English medium in the Air Force nursery schools. I'm preparing six pre-school books at the moment and hope to publish them by January for the age group 3 to 4 years - English Alphabet Books 1 and 2, Infant Number Book and a Tracing Book. For the age group 4 to 5 years I'm writing an English Language Book, an Infant Maths and Tracing Book.

My aim is to introduce English to our local children in the simplest way. I believe in putting my heart and soul to whatever I do. If each one would do it, this country would become a better place.

Question: Any special message you would like to give?

Nelun: Marriage is a spiritual bond which is unending which grows with love, and once you are married you are no more two, but one soul.

Pix: Vipula Amarasinghe

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