Learn how to fail!

There are many experts and institutes that claim to teach how to succeed in life. In fact, Napoleon Hill’s ‘The Law of Success’ is quite useful and entertaining. Then there are gurus who conduct seminars and courses in Positive Thinking. However, have you ever come across an individual or institute conducting a course or even giving a talk on ‘How to fail in life?’

The reason may be that we are obsessed with success and we dare not talk about failure. When we succeed in life we are happy. But when we fail in life we become unhappy.

I have never met a man who has always succeeded in life. That means everybody has to experience both success and failure. Take the case of Sarath who gets a job as an insurance agent. He has to meet people and sell life policies. However, most of the people he meets do not wish to buy a life insurance policy. When he fails to do his job properly he loses interest and becomes unhappy.

“You are not fit for this job”, his inner voice tells him. He decides to follow an external degree course. After three years of hard work he obtains his Bachelor of Arts degree. He thinks now he can fit into any job.

He keeps on applying for various jobs and subsequently attends a series of interviews. Although he has paper qualifications, nobody wants to employ him because he has no experience. Out of sheer frustration he applies for a teaching post at an international school. He attends the interview with great confidence.

“Can you teach English literature for A/L classes?” the interviewer asks him.

“Yes, Sir, I have done English literature for BA.”

“I can see that in your application. But do you have any teaching experience in a school?”

Sarath goes home once again frustrated. His reaction to all his failures is an extreme example of a common phenomenon in our society. We train our children to succeed in life by doing well in their examinations. They are encouraged not to fail but to succeed in everything they do. Unfortunately, nobody can succeed all the time. There are human limitations.

From our school days we are trained to believe that there are only two sides to everything; failure or success in a given situation. However, unknown to many, there are infinite degrees both in success and failure. Semanticist S.I. Hayakawa called it “The two-valued orientation.”

Once I met a practising lawyer who had failed his law degree (LL.B) eight times. He passed the examination in his ninth attempt and entered the Law College to do his Attorneys Finals.

“Why didn’t you give up your studies when you failed the examination several times?” I asked him casually.

“As a teacher I knew how to face failure. Everytime I failed the examination I tried to find out my weaknesses. Although I was an external candidate I went to the university and had a long chat with the Professor of Law. Then I learned where I went wrong. This paved the way for my success,” he said.

Being a mature person he turned his failure to success. But most of us do not have the courage to do so.

Human life is so complex and unpredictable that if you succeed in one field of activities, you will fail in the other. For instance, those who succeed in business or politics might run into difficulties in marriage. This happens most of the time because successful businessmen and politicians have no time for their spouses and children.

Those who succeed in life should remember that certain kinds of success can be destructive. Children who show exceptional abilities at an early age sometimes fail in later life.

The reason is that they focus their attention only on achieving their desired object excluding all other pleasures in life.

For instance, a child who does not take part in extra curricular activities will easily pass his examinations with flying colours. However, he will find it difficult to fit into a normal life pattern because of his non-exposure to the outside world.

Meanwhile, success that comes easily may be dangerous. Niran was an artist who succeeded in everything he handled. He got a job in a newspaper office as a cartoonist. Then he started designing stamps for the Philatelic Bureau.

He also participated in numerous competitions and won medals, awards and free trips to foreign countries. He followed courses in Germany and japan and exhibited his paintings.

But fate dealt him a serious blow and his life came to an abrupt halt.Professional success can take different turns. Those who really want to succeed in their professions sometimes try dishonest tactics and stoop to low levels. By doing so they may get their desired promotions at the cost of their integrity.

After returning from an unsuccessful interview Rohitha was wondering what he should do next. When he has paper qualifications for a particular job, employers ask for experience, when he has proof of experience, they ask for diplomas and degrees.

So, naturally, Rohitha has to take failure as a part of human condition. As family therapist Virginia Satir once said, “Every person has the right to fail.”

Parents have a big role in educating their children on success and failure in life. When children pass their examinations well parents praise them. However, when they fail their examinations parents put the blame on teachers.

Every child or adult should be well equipped to face failure in life. In the real world everything is not hunky-dory. The child should be made to understand that nobody can succeed all the time. They should be able to face the vagaries of life that include more failure than successes.

Failure, unlike success, is unpleasant for most of us. When you fail you are hurt. But every failure adds something to your life. When you fail in an examination, romantic or domestic affair, you usually ask yourself: “Why did I fail?” It is useless putting the blame on others. Find out what went wrong and take remedial action.

Sometimes, another person can solve your problem, keep all such options open. Unlike success, failure is a good teacher who will remind you of your hidden resources. When once you succeed you forget it and try to jump the net hurdle. Failure, on the other hand, forces you to think and take action.

Failure also helps you to enjoy a little bit of freedom. After each failure you are free to try several other options or to take risks if necessary. That means you will be endowed with more and more energy to go ahead with whatever you plan to do. If we remember that success is made up of a series of failures, you will not be scared of failure.

Your life is short and you have no time to brood over failures. If you fail to get one job, try another. Until you get it, start enjoying your precious life. By the way, if you want to dance, please do not ask others how to dance. Start dancing!

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