A fresh start

by Sakuntala KADIRGAMAR

Tamari seated in front of the sea alongside her house, was lost to the world. She was unaware of the passing of time; her feet, resting in the water, were oblivious to the piercing cold. She remained there as though she was searching for an answer to the cruel way in which her husband and her little son had been snatched away from her and her six-year-old daughter. There was a time after the tsunami when she shunned the water. But now she seemed to look for an answer in the water that mercilessly took away her dear ones.

It was getting dark, but the woman was not aware of it. A half moon was peeping through the clouds shedding some light on the sea. Having waited there for long, Tamari couldn’t bear the silence any longer. She cried out, “Lord why did you leave me alone in this world with my little daughter. If you wanted Ram and Ragu, you could have taken us with them. I was an orphan and from somewhere Ram came into my life. Now I have emptiness within me with no hopes.

I know I am a coward. One by one my friends have drifted away from me. Who wants to have a relationship with a woman bereft of all feelings and interests?” Thereafter, when she felt like running into the water, she heard a familiar voice that made her stop. “Amma, Amma! Where are you? I have been looking for you everywhere”. Vasi, her daughter, was sobbing. “Oh my dearest! For a moment I forgot you. Let’s go home. It’s getting late.” She carried her little daughter and hurried home kissing her all the way.

After dinner, they both went straight to bed. Before Vasi fell asleep she told her mother while wiping away her tears, “Amma, when I returned from Sumi’s house, our house was in darkness without any lights. I thought you had gone after Appa. Promise me Amma, you’ll never leave me.” “I’ll never leave you my child. It’s a promise,” she said hugging her daughter. Assured that her mother would never part with her, she fell asleep within a moment. Tamari, however, took a long while to sleep. She sat up, stroking her daughter, deep in thought.

The next day was the prize-giving day at Vasi’s school. It was a big day for Vasi. She was getting the coveted prize for ‘singing’ in the lower school. She was asked to give a solo before the prizes were awarded. This important information had escaped Tamari’s mind. At the last minute she remembered it, grabbed the first dress she could find and ran to the school. Vasi was looking for her mother and saw her entering the hall breathless.

Though she was shabbily dressed, all that mattered to Vasi was her mother’s presence. She smiled as she sang in her beautiful voice. As she finished her song there was a roaring applause. Tamari was surprised to hear the man next to her cheering and clapping his hands. When she turned to see who that was charmed by her daughter’s singing, she found it was her neighbour, Yohan. He winked at her and said, “So you managed to come at the last minute. Aren’t you proud to have a daughter like Vasi? She can reach great heights if you provide her with all the opportunities to develop her voice.”

Early the next day, Tamari decided that they would take it easy, as it was a Saturday. She was happy for Vasi and kept the prize near her bed so that she could see it when she got up. It was nearly nine o’ clock when she woke up. She took her prize and ran out to show her pets, the dog and the cat. Tamari couldn’t help laughing at her daughter’s excitement. Then she heard Vasi crying out, “Amma, come and see what I have got.” At the doorstep there was a lovely bouquet of roses with a card attached to it.

To Vasi, The one who possesses the sweetest voice I have ever heard. From Uncle Yohan, your neighbour.

Vasi was ecstatic! “Amma see what he has written, I have the sweetest voice he has ever heard. Shall I go and thank him for the beautiful flowers”. Not waiting for her permission, she ran next door. Within a short time, Tamari saw Vasi and Yohan waving at her as they rode past their house on the bike.

Tamari was glad to see her daughter making friends in the neighbourhood. But she wondered how she could forget her father so quickly. It was incredible. “Ram looked after her like an eyelid guarding the eye.

It was only a year and a half since they parted from us. How she used to adore her Appa and her Thamby, her little brother. I am so different. I cannot concentrate on anything. When I start cooking, I stop halfway thinking of the snacks and the sweets they enjoyed. If I listen to music, Ram’s favourite songs haunt me. There is no escape from this harrowing feeling.” She was lost in her thoughts when, Yohan and Vasi returned.

“Tamari!” he shouted from the gate. “Tomorrow I have arranged with a chap to fix our fence. If you need any help in fixing yours I’d be only too glad to do it.” Before she could reply, he told her, “Be ready with some snacks and lemonade for us.” and left.

True to his word, at eight in the morning Yohan and his assistant had started work on the fence. Tamari had no choice but to make some snacks and get the drinks ready. At first she thought of it as a nuisance, but later she was grateful to Yohan as a section of her fence was coming down and needed propping up. She served them lavishly with food and drinks. Once the work was over Yohan invited her to join in a chat. Vasi, of course was very happy. She felt happy with more the merrier.

While they were talking, Yohan mentioned that during weekends the beach was full of children and was a joy to see them run around and play to their hearts content. It was unbelievable that most of them were tsunami victims, some in their rags; but they couldn’t care less.

They had great fun with their improvised toys. Tamari couldn’t believe it. “They look so happy. You mean to say some of these children lost their parents in the tsunami?” “Yes, most of them lost either a father or a mother. But that is the greatness of children. They live in the present. They don’t hang on to the past the way we adults do. The past is forgotten. I learnt a lesson from Vasi. She couldn’t have sung in that melodious voice if she was still mourning for her loved ones. She let go of the past and inspired most of those who listened to her music. Actually, I was mesmerised by her singing.”

“Yes, sometimes I think that Vasi has forgotten her father and brother altogether. We were a close-knit family. It makes me sad.” She broke down unable to control herself. Yohan felt a surge of pity for her. Actually, she did not recover from the shock of losing her dear ones. As a result, she never made an attempt to restart life with just her daughter. Yohan put an arm around her to show his sympathy. At last she found a shoulder to cry on.

“Honestly, Tamari, Ram would be the last person who would want his little daughter to spend her time pining away. I am quite sure he would be very proud and happy to see her now, robust, healthy and full of high spirits. Here and now is what matters to a child. The tsunami hasn’t succeeded in breaking the spirit of these children.

Tamari, please don’t die before you are dead. It happens to some adults in this world.” “By the way, Tamari, tomorrow morning I am going on a bicycle ride along the coast. Why don’t you both join me? We can have a lovely view of the sea at the break of day with a variety of birds in the air. Later, I’d like to take you to a small restaurant where we can have home made hoppers.”

Tamari was hesitant to accept the invitation but Vasi was so excited at the prospect of having an outing. She started jumping up and down. Unable to disappoint her daughter she agreed.Early the next morning, the trio set off. Yohan and Tamari on their bikes and Vasi was riding pillion with Yohan.

Tamari looked very pretty in a green suridhar . The cool sea breeze blew her hair in all directions and for the first time in many months she felt happy and relaxed. Vasi, in her sweet voice, sang the famous song “What a wonderful day.” and the two adults joined her. All of them had a good appetite that morning and they had a large breakfast. Tamari, despite her misgivings, enjoyed the outing thoroughly.

Meanwhile, Yohan’s mother had come to stay with him for a few days from Jaffna. He thought this was a good time to invite a few of his Sinhalese and Muslim friends home, and entertain them with “Kooele” - a typical sea-food cocktail famous in Jaffna. Tamari offered to help his mother to make the concoction. Both Tamari and Yohan had earlier been to the seaside to buy all the necessary ingredients such as crabs, prawns, and fish, fresh from the sea. The drink was something new to the guests and they enjoyed it immensely. By the time they left, it was rather late in the night. Vasi had fallen asleep in their couch and Yohan offered to carry her home.

The next morning Yohan was going abroad for a few days. When he said goodbye that night, Tamari turned rather emotional. “Thank you Yohan, for bringing sunshine into our lives. I heard a rumour you were moving out. Is it true?” With a twinkle in his eyes he laughed mischievously as he said, “I was planning to, but I am having second thoughts now that I have such good neighbours.” “Well, I too have some important news to tell you. I have decided to start afresh! I am going to begin an after school program for children on this beach. I think I owe it to them. After all it was they who opened my eyes.”

Tamari was beginning to see life in a new light. When the birds chirped she heard a new song. When the flowers blossomed she saw a new beauty. And in the children’s laughter she felt a new joy in her heart, uplifting her spirit.