Are you a victor or victim?

By Lionel WIJESIRI

How many times in the past year, have you asked yourself the question "Why me?" because something has happened that caused you to feel somehow singled out. If it's going to be a consolation, let me tell you, you are not alone.

Our society is full of people who have settled into becoming victims of their circumstances. They feel powerless to make changes in their lives because they believe that their lives are out of their control.

All too often they're quick to ask, "Why do bad things keep happening to me?" They are the "why me?" people who always seem to have an excuse for the things in their life that aren't working.

And much of what is in their lives isn't working as well as it could be. They have poor health or bad relationships; they have dead-end jobs or chronic financial problems.

They have a hard time taking responsibility for themselves, their actions, mistakes, and even their own decisions. In short, being a victim requires giving up of most, if not all, personal responsibility.

Why is this happening? Of course, their feelings of "Why me?" are real. They are based on real events, but the conclusions may not be accurate. If you're one of them, look more closely at why you feel singled out and whether or not you've arrived at a valid conclusion.

The answer can be found in your highly individualized network of beliefs.

We absorb our beliefs from our parents, teachers, life experiences, books, etc. Some of what we have come to believe may sound right, but in reality they might be too narrowly defined or inaccurate.

The "Why me?" people have bought into their lives many ideas and concepts that distort their right thinking and actually work against them.

They are quick to judge the event as good or bad. What if we were to eliminate the possibility that anything that happens to us is inherently bad and choose to believe that everything that happens to us is always good? Impossible, you say? It has to be one or the other, doesn't it?

No, it doesn't! Remember no one (or nothing) - no matter how hard they try - can ever make you feel something that you don't want to feel.

Think about that for a moment. You are inherently capable to respond to much greater degrees than you do now. All of us do. What you need is taking up responsibility.

True responsibility can be redefined to mean your ability to respond, fully capable to respond powerfully to the happenings of your life. You are the only one capable of choosing your feelings and your responses to what is happening right now.

We have all heard people say, "You make me mad". But the truth is that no one can make us feel something - good or bad - unless we allow them to. More accurately, we're the ones at the helm of our feelings.

We get to choose to feel mad or happy, bad or good. But this choice is only possible when we first choose to be able to respond to this moment's occurrence.

If we believe life to be hard, and the obstacles we face are roadblocks, then we will stay stuck in that place of defeat.

If we instead come to see life's challenges as the very opportunities for us to grow, then a whole new set of possibilities will arise at every bend in the road. If you do not think that way, you are always going to be a victim and your life will be a long saga of victimhood.