A young man called directory assistance. "Hello, operator, I would like the telephone number for Sarath Perera in Pelawatte, Battramulla."

"There are multiple listings for Sarath Perera in Pelawatte," the operator replied. "Do you have a street name?"

The young man hesitated, and then said, "Well, most people call me Ice Man."

Teacher: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?

Glen: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

Two guys are walking along the road and one says to the other, "I'm a walking economy."

The friend asks, "How so?"

"My hairline is in recession, my stomach is a victim of inflation, and both of these together are putting me into a deep depression!"

Teacher: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?

Harold: A teacher

A physics student once got the following question in an exam: "You are given an accurate barometer. How would you use it to determine the height of a skyscraper?" He answered, "Go to the top floor, tie a long piece of string to the barometer, let it down 'till it touches the ground and measure the length of the string." The examiner wasn't satisfied, so they decided to interview the guy.

"Can you give us another method, one which demonstrates your knowledge of Physics?"

"Sure, go to the top floor, drop the barometer off, and measure how long before it hits the ground..."

"Not, quite what we wanted, care to try again?"

"Make a pendulum of the barometer, measure its period at the bottom, then measure its period at the top..."

"...another try?...."

"Measure the length of the barometer, then mount it vertically on the ground on a sunny day and measure its shadow, measure the shadow of the skyscraper..."

"...and again?..."

"Walk up the stairs and use the barometer as a ruler to measure the height of the walls in the stairwells."

"...One more try?"

"Find where the janitor lives, knock on his door and say 'Please, Mr. Janitor, if I give you this nice barometer, will you tell me the height of this building?'"

Bidding at a local auction was proceeding furiously when the auctioneer suddenly announced, "A gentleman in this room has lost a wallet containing $10,000. If it is returned, he will pay a reward of $2,000." There was a moment's silence, and then from the back of the room came the cry, "Two thousand five hundred!"

Delivering a speech at a banquet on the night of his arrival in a large city, a visiting minister told several anecdotes he expected to repeat at meetings the next day.

Because he wanted to use the jokes again, he requested the reporters to omit them from any accounts they might turn in to their newspapers.

A cub reporter, in commenting on the speech, ended his piece with the following: "The minister told a number of stories that cannot be published."

At his 103rd birthday party, an old man was asked if he planned to be around for his 104th.

"I certainly do," he replied. "Statistics show that very few people die between the ages of 103 and 104."

A teacher was taking her first golf lesson. "Is the word spelled 'put' or 'putt'?" she asked the instructor.

"'Putt' is correct," replied the instructor. "'Put' means to place a thing where you want it, of course. 'Putt' means a vain attempt to do the same thing."