To cook or not to cook-men's dilemma!

By Samangie WETTIMUNY

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You may not believe that prior to her marriage, the fiancee of a friend of mine imposed two conditions or rather orders. "I cannot cook and after marriage, I will not cook!", she told my friend. Despite misgivings from his cousins, he had to marry his fiancee as she was never willing to break up the affair. Anyway the couple settled down in a highly developed foreign land.

More than his mother, it was his cousins who vehemently objected to his taking over a woman's job. "Minihata kondak naha, Rigiform ekakwath danna ona", say his cousins continuously. Even up to this date he continues to cook while she continues to relax. Though he does not seem to be happy, by now he has turned out to be a culinary expert!

Mainly in the traditional Asian set-up, the general notion of almost everyone seems to be that cooking is solely a woman's job. Men who do cooking at home are generally viewed with scorn. There is a petticoat government, people say. Some even think that husbands should just sit and wait like lords until wives serve them tea, and calls them to have lunch when everything is ready!

"Having undergone all the trouble of cooking I have to bear up criticisms as well. Every day he has something or the other to say. Either it is too salty or less salty... on another day dhal curry is too thick... My god, if I am to continue about his comments, even one whole day would not be sufficient. "Such was the response from a woman who has got sick of cooking.

However she pleads with me not to mention her name. "That is the only fault I see in him. He does the shopping, buys vegetables, the other necessary items, and also attends to children's work. The only problem is his taste buds. "She tries her best to the lessen the accusation she levelled against her husband initially! If you cook at home it affects your status. We sometimes hear people say "Oya miniha ganita bayai, gedara uyanneth eya. (He is scared of his wife, he is the one who cooks at home"). So if you are to be a macho man, I mean a macho husband, you should never sight your kitchen!

But what about those master cooks whom we see on television? Do they cook only in front of cameras? "Should not a man cook at home?" I directly asked Dr. Pabilis Silva, Director-Culinary, Mount Lavinia Hotel. In fact his name has become so familiar to all of us as the 'king' of culinary matters who teaches all the housewives how to be a culinary expert. "There is no hard and fast rule that men should not engage in cooking", he tells me. "Do you cook at home?" My next question too was blunt.

He responds in the negative. But the answer is so appealing and amusing.

"In fact it is my wife who gave me almost all the finer tips on cooking, with most of the recipes. She is my teacher and I am the student. Most of the recipes I prepare, I have learnt from my wife. So if the 'student' too starts showing his expertise (what he learnt from the teacher) in that kitchen itself, I think it does not sound proper. So I don't engage in cooking at home".

But the ever smiling, pleasant culinary expert further tells me that he does not believe that a chef should limit his culinary skills only to the hotel. His is an exceptional case. As he says he learns most of the recipes from his wife and teaches it to a larger audience. "I should give her freedom to test her recipes."

As he says wife or the mother is the "Managing director" of a house. House keeping is largely a business of wife. "It is a huge responsibility. It is a noble deed. It is a pity that most of the husbands do not know the value of their wives." Going beyond answering my "petty" question he tells me that it is not only cooking that is done by wives, but almost all the household chores "I am dead sure that men's performance would stand much lower than that of women even if men are willing to do the same job. Women are experts in those spheres."

"So you mean that men cannot prepare curries well?" I came back to my topic. "They can, but I am sure that most of the men would not adhere to the required hygienic conditions when they do it at home daily!"

"Anyway they can always help their wives, mothers and sisters. Husband and wife should share the responsibility. When it comes to decision- making men should no doubt get involved in it. But household matters should be monitored by wives/women as they are the experts."

He finally asks me whether I can cook well and I answered hastily."Of course, I can." Now he throws questions at me. "OK fine. Then tell me how to prepare the curry powder?".

"But his interviewee is not as eloquent as mine. She rapidly lost her marks. "How can you say that you can cook. You should know everything related to cooking starting from the composition of curry powder and how to make it. Only then can claim to be a good cook."

Leave aside men.In that sense most of the women would fall into the category of bad cooks. Only Dr. Pabilis Silva will remain at the top!

The question amused Professor emeritus Kusuma Karunaratna too, but she says that it is absolutely wrong if one thinks cooking is solely a woman's job.

The former acting Vice Chancellor, former Head of the Department of Sinhala and the Ex-Dean of the Faculty of Graduate Studies, University of Colombo further explained that in traditional societies women had to attend to all household matters as their husbands had to go out early to make a living. "Times have changed. Women have come a long way in every respect - education, employment etc. They enjoy a greater freedom. Also now in most of the houses both the husband and wife are employed. So if the husband sits pretty and waits while the wife is busily engaged in cooking, or if husband continues to think that wife should serve him a cup of tea no sooner he arrives at home, then that is highly unreasonable."

"Cooking or any other household work should be done by both. Mutual understanding should be there. Not only the parents, children too should be aware of it. In short it should be team work."

But the professor emphasized that women should always accept that feeding the family is her responsibility. In fact, no sooner a woman becomes a mother, feeding the child becomes her responsibility. That is of course a pleasure."

But husbands should be there always to share the work. She tells me that cooking gives her immense pleasure. Her husband is always there to help her." I prefer to do cooking myself, than letting anyone else do it."

My husband not only helps me. Iit is who does the marketing- buying vegetables and other ingredients. So it is a team work!" says a smiling professor. No doubt her husband, himself a professor, was the sole inspiration for her success. So cooking is no big deal and husbands should not fuss about it.

While doing house work he can continue to be a "macho man". Hope you all will agree with me.... the debate is on.