The man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said, "Now, doctor, I can take it.

Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me."
"Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just lazy."
"Ok," said the man. "Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife."

A man visited a psychiatrist to talk about his dreams.
"Every night," the man said, "I dream that these three hideous monsters are sitting
on the edge of my bed, ready to attack me."
"Hmmm," said the doctor. "I feel sure I can cure you of this problem. But the
treatment will cost you somewhere between twenty-five and thirty thousand
rupees."
"Thirty thousand rupees!" the man gasped. "Never mind getting rid of the monsters,
doctor. I think I'll go home and try to make friends with them!"

The policeman spotted a man trying to cross the road from a place where there was
no crossing and decided to challenge him: "Why are you trying to cross here when
there's a zebra crossing only fifty feet away?"
Well" replied the man, "I hope it's having better luck than me."

A sweet old lady telephoned the hospital and timidly asked, "Is it possible to speak
to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?"
The operator said, "I can, what's the name and room number?"
The old lady in her weak voice said, "Thelma Brown, room 108."
The operator replied, "Let me place you on hold while I check with her nurse."
After a few minutes, the operator returned to the phone and said, "Oh, I have good
news, her nurse just told me that Thelma is doing very well. Her blood pressure is
fine; her reports just came back as normal and her physician, Dr. Cole, has
scheduled her to be discharged on Monday."
The old lady said, "Thank you. That's wonderful! I was so worried!"
The operator replied, "You're more than welcome. Is Thelma your daughter?"
old lady said, "No, I'm Thelma Brown in 108. No one tells me anything."

The parents of two boys (14 and 16 year-olds) went on a trip for the weekend with
friends. That evening the two boys decided to take their dad's car and drive around
the town.
The older boy could drive a little, but not well. After driving around for a while,
they stopped at a supermarket to buy some chocolates.
When they got back to the car, they noticed a huge dent in the rear of the car -
someone must have bumped into the car and driven off.
Frantically, they phoned their friends to find a mechanic to fix the car before their
parents' return.
Finally, they found one who said they must have the car at his house early next
morning. The car was fixed properly and they parked it back in the garage that
afternoon.
Their parents returned the next day, but the boys were too terrified to say anything
about the accident. The father went to get something from the garage, came back
very amazed and said, "A miracle has happened! A guy drove into the back of my
car on Thursday and now it is fixed without a scratch!"