 Mental doc
There was this man in a mental hospital. All day he would put his ear
to the wall and listen. The doctor would watch this guy do this day
after day. So the doctor finally decided to see what the guy was
listening to, so he put his ear up to the wall and listened. He heard
nothing.
So he turned to the mental patient and said, "I don't hear anything."
The mental patient said, "Yeah, I know. It's been like that for months!"
Man in mourning
 A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself.
Approaching the friend, he comments, "You look terrible. What's the
problem?" "My mother died in June, and left me $10,000." said the
friend. "Gee, that's tough," he replied. "Then in July," the friend
continued, "My father died, leaving me $50,000." The man looking
concerned says, "Wow.
Two parents gone in two months. No wonder you're depressed." The
friend continues, "And last month my aunt died, and left me $15,000."
"Three close family members lost in three months??? How sad!!!" "Then
this month,..." continued, the friend, "Nothing! Not a single dime!"
 The difference between blonde and brunette
A blonde and a brunette are driving down the highway in a
convertible. The brunette knows that she's speeding so she asks the
blonde if there's a cop behind them. The blonde looks behind her and
sees a cop and tells the brunette. The brunette then asks if his he's
got his lights on. The blonde replies "Yes...No...Yes...No...Yes...No"
One smart redneck
 "Hello, is this the FBI?"
"Yes. What do you want?"
"I'm calling to report about my neighbor Billy Bob Smith! He is hiding
marijuana inside his firewood."
"Thank you very much for the call, sir." The next day, the FBI agents
descend on Billy Bob's house. They search the shed where the firewood is
kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no
marijuana. They swore at Billy Bob and left. The phone rings at Billy
Bob's house.
"Hey Billy Bob! Did the FBI come?"
"Yeah!"
"Did they chop your firewood?"
"Yep."
"Happy Birthday Buddy." |
