Understanding a girlfriend’s unspoken needs
In most cases, a girlfriend needs to feel loved and to actually
‘know’ by her partner’s demonstration that she is loved. She needs to
feel valued in the areas of affection, sacrifice, and intellect.
Furthermore, not only does she need to know that she can trust her
boyfriend; she needs to be able to actually ‘see’ his loyalty - not
necessarily in the sole area of fidelity. Many women observe their men’s
reactions when other beautiful women walk by. We also compare their
sacrifice for us to their sacrifice for others after we’ve been placed
on the back burner at certain points in time. A girlfriend wants to be
assured of her place in her man’s life and how she is prioritized.
 Many men have become frustrated with demonstrating their love. Many
attempts of demonstrating his love may not be what she needs in order to
feel secure. And many women will show appreciation for those attempts
but still find themselves longing for more than demonstrations of love
through routine gestures. Simple gestures yet sometimes complex,
thought-out sacrifices reach women’s hearts. For instance, a simple warm
cuddle can assure a woman that her boyfriend delights in just touching
her with no strings attached. In order to understand her needs that she
sometimes can’t or won’t verbalize due to the complexity of her heart,
begin with the following:
Step 1
Listen to her. Listening to her does not mean just letting her talk.
Respond verbally and demonstratively with long-term actions. This does
not mean that you have to do every single thing she tells you to do. But
demonstrates that you’ve taken mental notes of her concerns. And along
the way, speak to her about what you are doing in light of what she has
mentioned.
Even if you have to make a choice about something that she has
verbally objected to previously, voluntarily tell her that you
understand her reservation but that you had to make a decision based
on... Listen to her and communicate to her, in various ways, what you’ve
heard her tell you.
Step 2
Ask for her opinion on different important issues. You may find she
will express her opinion about a number of things based on her innermost
heart. Some women like to talk about how they feel and will take every
opportunity possible to do so. Others, who don’t talk much, need
opportunities - like being asked their opinions - in order to open up.
This can prove effective over time.
So, do not get discouraged after a few attempts that yielded limited
or no results. Make a habit of asking for her opinion and communicate
that opinion with her. You just might actually learn something from her.
Step 3
Listen to those who knew her before you or those who talk on the
phone with her all the time - like any family and/or friends who have a
positive relationship with her. Listen to funny stories about her. There
is something new to learn about her all the time. You may have been
together for many years and can still receive some insight about your
partner. Sometimes close friends know more intimate details than you.
And the intimate details can be how she might feel about minor issues
that you never thought existed.
Step 4
Finally, be open with her about your own concerns and your own
activities. Be willing to be transparent. And when you open up, don’t
present yourself as somebody who has no shortcomings or as somebody who
can’t bounce back from any shortcomings. Doing so, you will find that
she can open up more. Over time, you can begin to understand your
partner more.
- ehow.com
|
