The breaking point

Basically, there are four critical situations in a woman's life. They are breakdown of her marriage, childbirth, menopause and loss of a loved one. These are the classic stress-producing experiences. If the woman is not a strong-willed person, she will break down like a sandcastle. To this list we may add another stressful situation: decorating her home.

Almost all women would like to live in a well-kept home. At least once a year she would like to refurbish the whole house, colour-wash the walls and decorate the doors and windows with colourful curtains. This is a familiar scene in our houses during New Year celebrations and Christmas. The husband usually spends the much needed money, but it is the wife who will have to supervise everything.

Every woman finds this to be a physically exhausting task. She may have to prepare food and serve refreshments to workers for a number of days. She would like to decorate her home better than that of her neighbour. Apart from social rivalry and prestige, she may have to face a period of worry and doubt. Although such problems can be dismissed as normal, a woman who faces them may not think so.

During this stressful period some women may be pregnant, others may be looking after their babies. Older women may be having other domestic problems to deal with. A woman considers her home as the symbol of her femininity. Most men are not bothered about decorating their houses because they may be more interested in having their vehicles serviced and polished. They are symbols of masculinity.

A woman would spend hours to select matching curtains and advising workers on what colours they should apply on the walls. She wants to have the floor and furniture well polished. Most men belong to the opposite camp. They are not worried about dirty walls, furniture and the floor. So, most women have to make their husbands spend lavishly on these tasks during festive seasons. Although there may be exceptions, this is the usual scene.

The great desire to make her house a showpiece exposes a woman to professional decorators. When you assign a job to an expert, you have no say in it. Similarly, when professional decorators are in charge, the housewife will have to be a spectator. Sometimes, the professional decorators make a mess of it and the poor housewife comes under more stress.

When it comes to decorations, a woman has to strike a balance between modern and traditional ones. The choice of colours is another problem she has to tackle. These choices matter to a woman because everything will reflect her feelings and personality.

The choice of furniture is another matter she has to think of. The problem arises in selecting furniture for the living room. Should she go for modern furniture or antiques? I have heard a funny story about a middle-aged woman who changed her living room furniture three times during one year. At first, the chairs she selected had legs as bowed as her own legs. Everybody admired the expensive and beautiful chairs she had bought. Before long, she felt unhappy with her own choice of furniture and replaced them with a set of chairs with straight legs. After a few months, she was unhappy with the furniture. Then she bought some chairs with no legs. They looked like massive blocks of wood!

Meanwhile, clocks play a major role in decorations. Once I stepped into the living room of a house which had several clocks. One was a big grandfather clock with a swinging pendulum. A battery-operated modern clock was on the wall. In addition, a Japanese timepiece was kept on a stool. Surprisingly, the three clocks gave three different times!

On another day I walked into another living room which was full of modern furniture. All the pieces of furniture had been carefully chosen. Nothing was out of place. However, the housewife never allowed her children to sit in the chairs which were kept like showpieces!

Then there is what is called "schizoid homes" where closed doors are the rule and each member of the family is securely isolated. The family members hardly use the living room where the expensive furniture is always kept covered with a massive cloth. The cloth is removed only on special occasions!

As far as I know, there is no standardisation in the decorating field. Interior decorators simply put housewives into confusion. However, every woman has a desire to maintain a pleasant house. She wants to project herself as best as she can.

Some women who have no desire to get involved in the decoration business keep out of it allowing their husbands to handle it. I remember one nightmarish living room in a suburban house of a businessman. A part of the living room had been turned into a pond. There were lotuses and fish in the pond. The divans kept for visitors had to be used very carefully because if you miss your step you would fall into the pond!

In our society it is the wife's family members who will usually assist the young couple in decorating their home. They may even provide the money for this purpose. The young couple has to listen to their advice and decorate the house to the satisfaction of the wife's mother or other in-laws. Sometimes, there will be bitter arguments, but the young wife will have no say!

When a woman gets married she will have a sense of liberation. But when she finds that her liberation is a sham, she gets frustrated. What happens in most homes is that in-laws decide on every imaginable situation.

The newly wedded couples face another problem. When the wife starts experimenting with new decorations, the husband will have to foot the bill. If he gives money generously, others will accuse him of squandering his wealth. If he refuses to give money, others will call him a miser.

You can wholeheartedly agree with the psychoanalyst Milton R. Sapirstein's statement: "The average husband, during the decorating period, regards his wife as a crazy woman. For her part, she considers him an unfeeling lout." There is more than a grain of truth in both assumptions.