Be self-critical to win hearts
by Amal Hewavissenti
Quite contrary to popular view,
you have an unconditional right to criticise! Rather than criticising
others for their otherwise minor faults or weaknesses, it is highly
advisable, for your own improvement, to go before a mirror and analyse
your reflection on it. But remember, this is purely symbolic. If an
undisguised self-examination is made, you’ll clearly see where you have
gone wrong and what dimension of life is there to develop for life’s
sake. This assuredly enhances one’s positive trends in life because, the
less one is concerned about others’ weaknesses the more one is
developing the inner power for a better life.
Frequently we have a particular tendency to criticise others chiefly
because we notice them doing things that we normally detest or consider
impolite in the context of our background of upbringing or social life.
It is a bitter truth that how others act or behave under certain
situations falls beyond other boundaries of our own patience! Keeping
under this pressure, we let loose a torrent of phrases of strong
disapproval, such as “He is a real nuisance and a curse!”, “What on
earth has he done for the good of others?”, “He doesn’t know how to
speak and behave himself!”, “I hate even the sight of him!”
At some point in your life, you must have felt or voiced something
similar to the above and there is nothing inappropriate or unnatural in
that! In short what others say or do - often negative in your viewpoint
- give rise to a vast spectrum of negative emotions ranging from anger
to despair, regret and sometimes hatred. What you’ve done by criticising
is only unleashing the pressure of disapproval in your bid to bring the
mind back to normalcy. However, being far too critical of others spoils
your emotional balance.
On the other hand, criticising others has a favourable aspect as well
because it serves as an effective mechanism to relieve your
tension-laden mind. Yet you must not let yourself be habituated to
criticise others in any way because it can land you into unwholesome
relationships that will ultimately isolate you. Often, such conflicts
will be aggravated and produce unimaginably bad repercussions. This
happens other way round too. Perhaps what you repulse and label as bad
actions and bad behaviour by someone else, can be socially acceptable
actions and behaviour.
The difference is that you see the other person’s behaviour through
glasses of prejudice, which the other proves to be fallacious. Nothing
hampers one’s progress of outlook as looking at others through glasses
of one’s own values, criteria and ideals.
The absence of happiness in the mind creates a situation in which
despair, extreme anxiety or bad temper arise, leading one’s life to
degradation. It is precisely at this point of frustration that one is
tempted to level one’s biting criticism against anothers’ behaviour. If
this is to continue for a long time, the frustration at seeing the
weaknesses of others will begin to plague you for life!
Check for yourself what bodily changes come over you when you’re
under the drive for criticising somebody else’s personal behaviour. You
blush scarlet, lips quiver, you sweat and stutter, you find it difficult
to express yourself clearly and your unhealthy mind comes out with
widened eyes! When we are in a bad temper, the chemical changes inside
the body accelerate your heartbeat, slightly increase blood pressure,
make breathing quicker and disarrange blood circulation.
We feel these changes within us when we fail to control our anger and
feelings of disapproval of our neighbour’s pattern of behaviour. The
final offshoot of all this is that we will develop both mental and
physical collapse which will ultimately make us social misfits. It is
very important to remember that we will achieve nothing in our life by
expressing disapproval of another’s life or ways of social dealings.
Instead, this type of attitude runs counter to the upgrade of our own
success.
Analyse a dissection of your mind on your own and mend your weakness
in order to take a turn for the better. That is what is popularly called
“Fortune”.
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