DEAR ERICA
Dear Erica,
I’m a 25 year-old Tamil girl. The problem I have is that I’m in love
with a Sinhala boy. No matter how much I’ve tried to talk to my parents,
they don’t even attempt to understand me. The relationship happened so
suddenly because I never expected it to happen. But I don’t want to give
it up because he’s such a lovely person. I fear that I won’t gain the
same respect and love if I were to be married through a proposal. Please
help.
 - Lovefool
Dear Lovefool,
I appreciate the fact that you both are very much attached to your
families and try to take decisions with their consent. It depends on
each person’s view on religion and ethnicity that it becomes a barrier
in relationships. It’s important that we keep our backgrounds within us
without growing apart. As long as you respect, accept and understand
each other, I don’t think it will be a disadvantage to your success in
life. If you’re sure about your love and if you both are thinking ahead
of a long term relationship, then I think you should start by telling
your parents.
I know this is the hardest part to do, but that is also the first
step that you should take. I know that the first thing that will come
out of your parents would be a big ‘No’. But you’ve got to be patient,
express your wishes to your parents and convince them.
Don’t be too hard on them or argue with them. In the long run, you
will have to make your parents meet up with your guy and vice-versa in
order to get to know each other. Your biggest challenge is your
families; they will get involved, opposing ideas and opinions will come.
So you will both need to be prepared and be patient. All the best!
Erica’s Quote of the Week
‘One problem with gazing too frequently into the past is that we may
turn around to find the future has run out on us’
- Michael Cibenko
Dear Erica,
I’m a young teacher who has a 16 year-old boy who acts strangely in
my class.
His parents have been separated, living abroad but he has nobody to
care for him. He expects affection from the teachers. I was very
friendly with him and showed more care for him thinking him as my
brother but now I feel that he has some sort of feeling towards me.
He wants to spend more time with me; he always keeps talking to me.
If I scold him, he gets hurt but when I avoid him, he says that he will
commit suicide. He also keeps on looking at me all the time and he
doesn’t like other males talking to me. I feel so uncomfortable when he
acts in this manner.
I even thought about leaving the school but he tells that there won’t
be anyone to care for him. I don’t know how to handle this problem.
Please help me.
- Helpless
Dear Helpless,
You and your student belong to the same group so it takes a lot of
tact to deal with having a teacher-student relationship. Some teenagers
are vulnerable and in need of attention and care that they cling on to
whatever they think is a safe place or a comfort zone.
If you only want a teacher-student relationship with him and not
anything else, firstly you should stop encouraging him in taking your
relationship into something personal. You need to have a chat with him
and make it clear where your relationship stands.
At the same time, encourage him to get involved in some
extra-curricular activities and make friends. All the same, this depends
on where your relationship stands at the moment. If this doesn’t work
and he still has personal issues at home, it’s wise that he gets help
through a school counsellor or a psychologist. At the same time, if you
feel uncomfortable about what you’re doing right now, the best option
would be for you to request for a lower class to teach where you can
gradually learn and gain experience in your new career. Please give the
boy some time to get over with the attraction he has for you. Good luck!
Dear Erica,
I’m a university student. During my AL, I had a big dream to go
university. The dream came true but after entering university, I thought
it’s better to work especially in a bank. Recently I sat for such an
exam and I had heard some of my friends got letters for interviews and
some of them even got a chance to work but unfortunately I didn’t get
the chance. I got really upset about it. I have to sit for a university
exam shortly but I can’t concentrate. I feel that I’m very unlucky.
Please give me some advice.
- Worried
Dear Worried,
We all have dreams. Some work towards it while others drop out and
people like you, fulfill them. In your case though you actually got
there, it didn’t meet with your expectations and maybe you’re
disappointed or simply lost interest. Maybe you want to find a way out.
It is important to find out why you lost your passion and interest with
your university life and deal with the issues.
If you really think that you would like to work in a bank you should
be fixed about your decision. Don’t feel bad that you didn’t make it the
first time.
Try doing some part-time banking courses and keep trying. At the same
time you’re living your dream right now and you should make the best out
of it.
Try to organize yourself again and gain the old enthusiasm and
motivation you had to achieve where you stand today. You never know what
surprises are in store for you so keep working on them. All the best! |
