Dear Erica
Dear Erica,
I’m a 9 year-old school girl. My grandfather died three months ago. I
loved him very much and we were very attached. After his death, my life
totally changed. I used to go out and walk in the garden with my
grandfather but I’m afraid because he isn’t there. I feel very strange,
like, when I’m all alone I hear footsteps or some clattering noises, but
don’t think that I’m dreaming! I am really very serious, and in the
middle of the night, I hear whispering and so many strange things. How
can I get over this?
Scared
*****
Dear Scared,
I’m very sorry about the loss of your grandfather. Nothing is more
sorrowful than losing your loved ones. It must be really hard for you to
get over it but death befalls us all and no matter what, we need to face
it. The best thing about being close to your loved ones once they leave
you is that you have treasured memories of them and that is exactly what
you’ve had with your grandfather. Maybe this is the reason that you
still feel his presence in your life.
You’re still young and it’s very natural to feel scared when there’s
a death in the house especially when you think that you can feel, hear
or see strange things. But you have had a wonderful relationship with
your grandfather and loved him a lot and I’m very sure that he too would
have cherished his little granddaughter a lot. When you love someone
their presence is always felt even after they’ve left you and I believe
that is a good thing. So you need not be afraid. Give yourself some time
and try to stay with your family. Talk to someone about how you feel.
Treasure your moments with your grandfather, his presence in your life
will not scare you away, But make you happy!
Erica’s Quote of the Week:
“A new way of thinking has become the necessary condition for
responsible living and acting.
If we maintain obsolete values and beliefs, a fragmented
consciousness and self-centered spirit, we will continue to hold onto
outdated goals and behavior.”
Dalai Lama
Dear Erica,
I am 23 year-old married girl. Recently I joined a company and was
placed under the supervision of a 26 year old manager. He is a very
friendly and outgoing person but recently he has started to behave in a
strange way, making unwanted advances on me.
He calls me at unusual times and tries to make unwanted, out-of-work
conversations with me. He said that he loves me and that my husband need
not know about it. I felt very bad as I have no such intentions and I
love my husband very much. Besides, I never expected this kind of
behaviour from him since he’s a good friend of my husband too. Please
advice me. How can I ignore this person and concentrate on my work?
- Caught up
*******
Dear Caught up,
It’s very common to have these kinds of problems at office especially
when young and restless manager just give you an extra challenge in a
new job. The three things you should start doing is to be professional
at all times, dress conservatively and be firm. Say ‘No’ in a polite way
if any of his unwanted conversations or advances get to you. Keep saying
‘No’ and every time be a little more firm than the previous time.
Try keeping photographs of your wedding or family photo at your
office space, avoid personal conversations, do not reply to his personal
mails or add him on your messenger list or social networks. Carefully
pick and chose your words when with him and at all times try to show him
that your husband is your priority and centre of attention.
Naturally, the guy will get tired of his tactics and retire. But if
the problem still continues to grow, as a last resort you may want to
report it to your Head. By all means this should be done as a last
option since this may put you in an uncomfortable situation since you
report to this person at office. Whatever happens be firm! I hope you
will be able to overcome this situation and do well in your job. Good
luck!
Dear Erica,
I’m a 22 year-old girl. I’ve been having a crush on a friend for 8
years now but we have never even talked much or were ‘proper’ friends
until now I learnt that he had a crush on me as well. He started texting
me but it went nowhere because he didn’t make the move. So I forgot
about him. Then again, he started talking with me and recently when he
was having a hard time.
He needed my company and I helped him. We revealed our love for each
other but it went nowhere. I don’t even know that he meant it when he
said that he loved me. So we didn’t start a relationship but he’s quite
a strange character. I feel that he wants me only when he’s helpless and
alone. He now doesn’t even want to know whether I’m alive or dead.
How can he be so heartless and self-centred? Help me. Do you think
I’m wasting my time caring and thinking about him? All my friends have
settled down with somebody they trust and love. Only I’m left alone. I
just can’t get over this feeling of mine. I have a hope that someday he
would realize who truly loved him and come to me. Please help!
- Lonely Heart
*******
Dear Lonely Heart,
If you’ve known this person for 8 long years and he fails to see what
you’ve done for him, I feel that its time that you should make a
decision. After all, there are limits and one has to draw the line. You
have put all your efforts into making this relationship a success.
You find yourself lonely while all your friends have moved on and
there’s no positive response from your partner. At the end, you find
yourself run out of time and energy. Since I don’t know what kind of
background, experiences or attitudes this person has, it’s difficult to
say why he’s acting in such a manner or why he’s being self centred or
uncaring. But it’s not right for him to be using you as a temporarily
safe spot to be coming in and out when he’s in difficulty.
Have a direct conversation with him and sort out your issues before
moving on. Maybe he has genuine reasons to act in such a manner or maybe
he’s not the kind of person who will be able to give in return what you
give him. If you love him then set him free and let him sort out his
issues. If he really needs you and is willing to share his life with
you, then the decision is in his hands. Don’t feel bad if you have to
make a hard decision, because you’ve already made an effort and put in
your best. |
