Paradox of living with parents

In countries such as India and Sri Lanka where extended families are popular, living with one's parents is not something new. However, with the expansion of higher education, communications and cross-cultural influences we are forced to sit back and think whether living with one's parents is a healthy process in the Digital Age.

All living beings, including one-cell creatures, have parents. Through a biological process, a male and a female get together and produce a child. So, every child or animal has its own parents. It is quite natural for parents to produce young ones because human and animal species should be propagated and multiplied.

All parents are duty bound to look after their young ones. If the latter die in their infancy, the species will be extinct. Therefore, both human and non-human parents take the trouble to protect their young from predators and diseases. Although we hear of human mothers dumping their offspring in toilet pits, and certain animals eating their young ones, the majority of parents especially mothers, love their babies and protect them against many dangers.

Although human beings are gifted with a highly developed brain, their infancy is longer than that of other animals. For instance, kittens and puppies start walking and eating solid food after a few weeks from birth. Some animals like the giraffe can lead an independent life after a few days of its birth. Comparatively, the human animal is so weak in its infancy that it has to be looked after with utmost care. Meanwhile, a baby takes at least 10 to 12 months to talk and walk.

While many other animals begin to live independently of their parents, the child grows up under parental care. In eastern societies parents protect their children until they attain puberty or get married. Even after marriage some children continue to live with their parents. The relationship between the child and his parents is so strong that a very few of them break the parental bondage.

Sometimes, you may wonder why children depend so much on their parents. In fact, they depend on their parents for everything! In lower middle class families where the income is limited, children find it difficult to live independently. On the other hand, parents too love to have children and grandchildren under their care.

Unlike animals, humans came into the world with just one skill, i.e. they can suck their mother's breast for milk. The child has to learn all the other skills through a trial and error process. Children at first imitate their parents and other elders. Then they learn the art of talking, walking and even eating. After acquiring language skills, the child begins to show his emotions. However, does the child have to depend on his parents to do all these activities?

While children continue to live with their parents in extended families in eastern countries, just the opposite is happening in western countries. In the affluent West, children move away from their parents after attaining puberty or marriage. When children move away, parents have to fend for themselves. They lead miserable lives and pass away.

Some children make it a point to send their parents to a home for the aged. Even if they get all the comforts in their homes, the old parents will never be happy without the company of their children and grandchildren.

While poor and lower middle class people do not abandon their parents, rich people tend to send their old parents to homes for the aged. It is fashionable for some people to ape the West, forgetting their cultural roots. To understand the gravity of the problem, you must visit some of these homes and talk to the inmates. Some parents do not like to divulge the identity of their children. Others consider their plight decided by Rammic forces.

No doubt, wealthy children give lavish donations to these homes. Some of them visit their old parents occasionally. However, they forget the fact that the same fate will befall them. The practice will go on destroying the very fabric of society.

Although children should lead independent lives, they should not be cut off from their parental bondage. Even if the children and their parents cannot live under the same roof, there should be some close connection between them. Old parents have a wealth of acquired wisdom to bequeath to their children and grandchildren.

An extended family may look an impossibility in a cash-strapped society. With the population boom and the resultant changes in cultural ethos, parents and grandparents have been relegated to the limbo of forgotten things. When the country is heading for an economic boom, we must give our parents and grandparents their due place.