Uduravana in Kandy
by Lasantha Pethiyagoda
 The late Heen Banda Uduravana of
Kandy was one day sheltering under his large umbrella during a heavy
downpour of monsoonal rain. A shapely and stunningly beautiful lady was
getting wet nearby. So he invited her thus: “Why are you
outstanding....come and understand my umbrella!”
Another day, old HB was again just settling down in a bus with a
foreigner after a visit to the antique shops, when the bus suddenly took
a bend and the foreign chap, grasping the pole overhead, said: “Oh, I
just lost my balance!” to which Uduravana retorted with visible concern:
“ In that case, Machang, we will go back to the shop and ask for it!”
Later, he pointed to the swollen Kandy lake, where the rains had made
the turtles come out to the bund of the lake, and exclaimed to the white
fellow: “See all the padlocks have come out with the rain....” Hence we
have renamed the venerable old aristocrat of Kandy as “Padlock!”
Playing with a balloon
by Lal Jayawardene
A little boy blows up a balloon and starts flicking it all around the
house with his finger. His mother tells him to stop it as he’s liable to
break something, but the boy continues.
“Johnny!” Mom screams. “Knock it off. You’re going to break
something!” He stops and eventually Mom leaves for a short trip to the
shopping center.
 Johnny starts up with the balloon again after his mom has left for
the store... He gives it one last flick and it lands in the toilet where
he leaves it..
Mom comes in and while putting away the groceries gets the urge to do
a diarrhoea run. She can hardly make it to the toilet in time and
SPLASH, out it comes.
When she’s finished, she looks down and can’t believe what she’s
seeing. She’s not sure what this big brown thing is in the toilet! She
calls her doctor. The doctor is baffled as she describes the situation,
but he assures her he’ll be over shortly to examine everything.
When he arrives, she leads him to the bathroom and he gets down on
his knees and takes a long, hard look at the thing. Finally, he takes
out his pen and sort of touches it to see what it might be and POP! The
balloon explodes and poop is everywhere... on him, the walls, etc.
“Doctor! Doctor! Are you all right?” she asks.
He says, “I’ve been in this business for over 30 years, and this is
the first time I’ve ever actually seen a fart!” |
