Dear Erica
Dear Erica,
I am a 22 year-old girl who is madly in love with a 30 year-old
married guy, a good friend of mine. He loves me but he also says he’s
happy with his marriage and recently I got to know that he has a kid
too. Every time I try to ignore him he gets totally down and I don’t
like that either. When I try to ignore or forget him, he gets closer to
me. He says he can’t live without me. I feel so bad about myself! Often
I get hurt because of this relationship. I know I’m never going to get
him in my life. My mind is in a mess. Please help me.
- Lost
*****---
Dear Lost,
This person you’re having a relationship with claims to be happily
married and there’s a little kid involved too. I’m not sure for what
reasons he needs you in his life. Whatever the reasons, I feel that this
relationship will lead you to nothing except more regrets, hurts and
unwanted problems.
Since you already understand the consequences of this relationship
and the fact that there’s another woman and a little child’s life
connected, its time that you made a steady decision rather than give
room to your emotions. In order to put an end to this problem, you have
to totally detach yourself from this person and give him as well as
yourself some time to heal.
You both are adults and you need to take decisions and deal with it
in an amicable manner, before any of your friends or families get
involved and make it more complicated. The detachment and the healing
process depends on the level of your relationship. Sometimes if you did
have a physical relationship or a more deeply involved relationship, it
may take more time for you to deal with the situation and get over it.
Try to set up a few goals for yourself and work for them rather than
concentrating and relying on a relationship that has no future. After
all, your life is important and you better make use of it in a better
way!
Dear Erica,
I’m a 20 year girl doing my higher studies. I’m in a relationship
with my cousin who is also doing his higher studies abroad and when my
parents came to know of this, they strongly disapproved of it. They say
that as they (my parents) too are cousins if we get married it will be a
huge problem and as we both are elders of our families it is so
dangerous according to them. But I can’t forget my 3 year love affair
and how can I tell this to my cousin? Please help!
-Worried
******
Dear Worried,
Your problem got me reading about cousin marriages in families. There
are many ideas, opinions and facts with regard to relationships among
cousins. Some approach this matter in a cultural, religious or legal
perspective and some with regard to medical concerns.
Anyway, according to my understanding your parents are concerned
about the health problems and also issues that could arise in the
family. And most importantly, our society believes in cousins to have
similar relationships as siblings would have. I suggest that you both
have an open conversation about your relationship and where it stands.
Do some reading with regard to this and talk to a professional about
the effects if you both are thinking about a long term relationship,
since you are educated and mature enough to understand and take
decisions. It’s also important that you pay attention to your parents’
genuine concerns as well. All depends on how strong you’re to deal with
the issues that may arise and how you handle them. Hope everything goes
well!
Email your problems to Erica on
[email protected] |
