Dear Erica
Dear Erica,
I’m a 28 year-old lady doctor. My problem is that I’m still single
and unable to find my life partner. My parents are very concerned about
it but they insist on matching the horoscopes. Many proposals came but
due to various problems, including horoscope mismatches, they were
turned down. I’m sad and upset that many of my friends have settled down
and moved on with their lives and I’m still stuck in the same place. My
parents aren’t that much friendly and understanding to share my
feelings, and also I can’t think of anyone who’s close enough to talk
about this.
I’m beginning to feel worried that I’m passing my marriageable age
and this problem is getting worse. Do you think I’m worrying too much
about this? What can I do in his scenario?
- Unmarried
Dear Unmarried,
In present times we’re a generation caught up between changing times
and cultural ties. It’s also a common problem that you’re facing in the
present context. Right now you have two options in your hands. First,
you should have a chat with your parents.
If they’re looking for horoscope matches then they should be reminded
that there are also remedial measures that can be taken for minor
mismatches and also that they can’t find the perfect match for their
daughter even though they would like that to happen. If you can’t talk
to your parents then you might want to speak to a family member or a
close friend who can help you out to get the message through.
Your second option is solely in your hands. You’re educated and in a
good job and stable position, at 28 you’re an adult with the ability to
make your own choices and decisions in life. I believe that you should
not make age a barrier for a relationship, marriage or even dating as
long as you accept yourself to be confident, young and compatible
person.
It’s very normal to feel low and worried when you find yourself
amongst your friends who are now settled into their new lives. But then
each and every one of us have to await our own turn for certain things
in life to work out for us including marriage. Worry is not going to
take you anywhere except that you will end up being miserable, confused
and of course, old. So doctor, its time to step up and enjoy some
healthy single life, who knows Mr. Right, will be just around the corner
as a doctor working in the same hospital or even a patient who will give
his heart to you. Be happy!
Dear Erica,
I am a lady with a job in a reputed company. I don’t have any
problems with my marriage life but my only worry is that my husband is
not caring enough. Even though I told him many times, he has not
changed. He is a workaholic and bothered only about his business and
money making me feel very lonely. Although he gives me everything
material, as a woman, I want love and affection. My colleagues think of
me as an attractive person but my husband never even cares. Eventually,
I started an affair with a close friend of mine. I believe this happened
due my husband’s fault but when I think about my child, I feel very
guilty of this affair. I am very frustrated about myself.
-Frustrated
Dear Frustrated,
This is very typical in most cases of marriages. After the first few
years of marriage the, initial spark of your romance fades and both
partners begin to take different roles. In this case, I believe you have
fallen for this other guy not just out of affection but for his
availability, which you don’t find in your husband. However, you love
your husband and want to restore your marriage.
As a first step I think you have to stop this affair before things
get out of hand. Forgive yourself for what might have happened between
you and this other person. Mistakes do happen after all. Yes, women
always need to be loved, cared and desired but it’s important that you
put yourself in your husband’s point of view and think about his side
too. You should also be realistic about your expectations and try not to
expect your husband to leave all his business, work and other
commitments and change overnight.
Though the most effective method would be improving communication
between you and your husband, when it comes to your verbal
communication. Put aside all the complaints and nagging that you might
have done in the past. Start complimenting your husband for what he
does, do things for him like cooking his favourite dish or dessert, etc.
Look, feel and act in ways that your husband will find you to be
attractive, especially when he’s around. Since you both are well to do
maybe you might want to take a vacation, where it will also give you
some opportunity to be with each other and talk to each other. Give it a
try and see how things work out. And if it does don’t forget to keep the
spark alive, that is important! All the best!
Dear Erica,
I’m a 24 year-old guy. My ex-girlfriend and I have been neighbours
for as long as I can remember and best friends. When we were both around
16 years, I started falling in love with her and for some time I had the
feeling that she liked me back too. But I never asked her out because I
thought it best if we both concentrate on our studies first.
But then, when we were in our A/L classes, she started a relationship
with a guy she met at a tuition class. Now it’s been 6 years and I still
can’t get her out of my head. There’s no hope for me at all because she
is going to be married in 3 months time. I’ve tried everything possible
to try to get over her and move on but nothing has worked so far, and
it’s a bit scary to think that I might spend the rest of my life pining
after a girl who I can never have.
- Waiting
Dear Waiting,
As much as you once loved this girl, I believe it’s not a good idea
to be thinking about her and not moving on in life. You assume that this
girl liked you in return when you fell in love with her but you never
will know what she would’ve actually felt.
Maybe she only liked you as a friend, maybe she had a crush on you or
maybe she was expecting you to make the first move and assumed that you
were not interested! Whatever the reason is, the fact is that in a
couple of months she’ll be sharing her life with the one that she has
chosen to be with for the rest of her life and the one she loves.
What if someday you found out that she never had any feelings for you
and you would’ve wasted a lifetime not knowing that somebody didn’t love
you in return? This is something that you should come to terms with and
consider about changing the way you think about this situation. Are you
going to be spending the rest of your life thinking about a girl who is
happily married to the one she loves or are you going to stand up for
yourself and live your life!
You’re still 24 and I think you have loads of things to be planning
and sorting out rather than thinking of this girl. Six years is quite a
long time and though you say that you’ve tried everything, I believe
you’re just not putting it through your heart. Take time, sort out your
life and gradually you’ll find someone who will return your life so be
prepared! Good luck!
Erica’s Quote of the Week:
“If you don’t like something. change it; if
you can’t change it, change the way you think about it”.
- Mary Engelbreit |
