 Ndurawana
Udurawana at a bar in New York
Man on his right says ?Johny Walker single?
Man on his left says ?Peter Scotch single?
Udurawana says - ?Ranjit Udurawana Married?
Boss: I am giving you a job as a driver. Starting salary Rs. 2,000. is
it OK?
Udurawana: You are great, Sir! Starting salary is OK.......but? how much
is DRIVING salary...?
Udurawana?s theory : Moon is more important than Sun, because it gives
light at night when light is
needed, and Sun gives light during the day when light is not needed!!!
Udurawana was looking at an Egyptian mummy with one of his friends
Udurawana: Look so many bandages, Lorry accident case.
Friend: Aaho, The lorry number is also written...BC 1760!!!....
Udurawana in an interview for a post of a detective
Interviewer: Who killed SWRD?
Udurawana: Thank you sir for giving me a job, I will start
investigating.
Udurawana for an exam had studied only one essay ?FRIEND?, but in the
exam the essay which came was not ?FRIEND? but ?FATHER?
He replaced ?FRIEND? with ?FATHER? in the essay and it read: I AM A VERY
FATHERLY PERSON, I HAVE LOTS OF FATHERS. SOME OF MY FATHERS ARE MALE AND
SOME ARE FEMALE. MY TRUE FATHER IS MY NEIGHBOUR.
Ndurawana at the UN
Our Udurawana received an invitation from the United Nation?s head
office to address a forum and having seen the invitation, he was
thrilled and told his secretary to prepare a good speech. The secretary
knew that Udu can?t speak in English but was told by the audience from
various countries that Udu should speak only in English. A man for all
seasons, Udu snapped at the Sec and told ?You better prepare the speech
in English and write all the English words in Sinhala so that I can read
without any problem?. He added, ?I say, Sec, these people do not come to
see my written speech, no??
So then Udu was in the UN awaiting his turn. The host at the podium
says, ?Now I call upon The Hon. Minister of Women?s Affairs from Sri
Lanka to address the audience...? and here goes the Udu and aptly
addresses the audience.
When he nearly finished his first page and while turning to the next
page he says ?Pattoon? and goes on till end of all pages. Proudly, Udu
stepped down from the podium and asked his Sec ?How was my Speech??
To this, the Sec replied, ?Everything was okay but why did you yell ?Pattoon??
It is P.T.O (Please turn over) and not to pronounce like that!?
- Shantha Senadheera
Honesty first, then opportunity!
by Lasantha Pethiyagoda
After strolling along Galle Face Green and having lunch at a Chinese
restaurant in Kollupitiya, a couple returns to find their car has been
stolen.
They go to the police station on Galle Road to make a full report.
Then the distraught couple return with a police officer to show him
where it happened. To their amazement, the car has been returned.
There is an envelope on the windshield with a note of apology and two
tickets to a musical show at BMICH. The note reads, ?I apologize for
taking your car, but my wife was having a baby and I had to hot-wire
your ignition to rush her to the Lady Ridgeway hospital. Please forgive
me for the inconvenience. Here are two tickets for Derana Dream Star.?
Their faith in humanity restored, the couple attend the concert and
return home late. They find their house has been robbed.
Valuable goods have been taken from thoughout the house. And, there
is a note on the door reading, ?Well, you still have your car. I have to
put my child to a good school somehow, don?t I? Thanks for funding the
admission fees....?
A Colombo elite growing old
by Lasantha Pethiyagoda
 Most people in Sri Lanka grow old gracefully, while some elites in
Colombo circles fight and scratch the whole way.
Siripala’s wife, refusing to give in to the looks of growing old,
goes out to LP and buys a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to
make her look years younger. After a lengthy sitting before the mirror
applying the “miracle” products, she asks her husband, “Nimal darling,
honestly, if you didn’t know me, what age would you say I am?” Looking
over her carefully, Siripala replied, “Judging from your skin, thirty;
your hair, twenty four; and your figure, thirty five.”
“Oh, you flatterer!” she gushed. Just as she was about to tell
Siripala his reward for the night, he stops her by saying, “Aney Latho,
hold on there gaeniyey!” Siripala interrupted, “I haven’t added them up
yet!” Poor old Siripala had to sleep alone on the couch at night for
many months. |
