Dear Erica
Dear Erica,
I am a 23 year-old girl and have been in a relationship with a guy
who is 4 years elder to me for almost 3 1/2 years. My family is very
conservative and religious, while he comes from a broken family. When I
told my parents about this guy, they were immediately against it. I've
tried every way possible to convince them but to no avail. Finally as a
last resort, I told my boyfriend to come and speak to my parents
personally, but he was very reluctant about it and said he will do it
when he's comfortable. It was then that I found out that he hadn't even
told his parents about me all this while. He keeps saying that he is
serious about our relationship but I am always in doubt. Please help me.
How do I make our relationship last?
- Waiting
Dear Waiting,
As much as you like to work things out and settle down with your
boyfriend, you might want to consider giving him some time and space
before doing so. When it comes to taking the relationship into deeper
commitment, men need to be willing and ready to do so. On top of
everything you need to understand the fact that he comes from a broken
family and maybe he doesn't have anyone to discuss his life with. Well,
being in a relationship with him for 3 1/2 years is a long time and I
think you know him well enough if he's genuine or not. If so, he will
come and talk to your parents when he's comfortable to do so. You both
are still young enough to take some time and decide about your lives.
Give him his chance and try not to be too pushy. As for your parents,
they need to wait until your boyfriend turns up and wins their hearts.
You may have to encourage and support your guy in overcoming his
difficulty in dealing with your relationship issues. Remember the golden
rule: patience!
Dear Erica,
I am a 25 year-old girl. I used to have a crush on a guy who didn't
even give me the time of day when I was in the OL class. After embarking
on a career and now that I'm in a stable relationship that's now two
years, I have quite forgotten him until recently when he started working
in the same workplace as me. No matter how hard I try, I can't help but
have 'certain' feelings towards him even though he only knows me as a
school friend and nothing else. We have a very business-like
relationship but I can't help feeling a bit tender towards him and he
puts it down as a former school friendship. He's about to get married
but I seem to find it difficult to get him out of my mind. I feel like
I'm stuck in the film 'My Best Friend's Wedding' and I don't know what
to do! How can I forget him?
- Heartfelt
Dear Heartfelt,
It's not good to have feelings towards a school friend who doesn't
share the same feelings for you. Look at both your lives, you have a
rewarding career and a happy relationship while he's happy to start his
life with someone else. As much as you had an infatuation for him, it's
high time to get over it. I can imagine how difficult it is to work at
the same place as someone who have feelings but over time, these
feelings will pass. The best thing is to treat him very formally and do
not mix business and pleasure. Plus, spend more time with other
colleagues than him to get him out of your mind. Face it, there is a
better future for you and it's absolutely no use trying to salvage the
past and making the person who you had a crush on, love you as he's made
up his mind. Temptations come and go but as people we have look at the
important things that will make them stable. It's about handling and
overcoming temptations that make us good people. Good luck! |
