Dear Erica
Dear Erica,
I’m a 37-year-old woman going through a divorce which will be
finalised soon. I tried to work things out with our marriage but had to
give up since we were always arguing. My daughter is seven and has been
constantly exposed to our arguments. Because of this situation at home,
I sensed a change in her behavioural pattern which has affected her
performance in school too.
 My husband moved out and my daughter is now living with my parents
until the case ends. But I’m worried about being a single parent and if
my child will be affected by all these issues. What can I do?
-Worried
Dear Worried,
It’s sad that sometimes marriage has to end in separation and it’s
even harder when you have a child involved in the process. Separation is
always a painful experience and will affect a child’s overall
performance and behaviour. Some children who experience parental
conflict may show anxiety and aggressive behaviour. However, it’s good
that your daughter is with your parents until you finalise your divorce
and at the same time, you should take this time to settle yourself as
well.
Try to plan things ahead as you prepare yourself mentally for the
divorce and single parenthood. You have to create a suitable environment
for your daughter so that she will cope well in settling in to a new way
of life. It may take some time before she gets out of her behaviour and
gets back to daily life.
In this case, you have to think of your financial situation as well
and how you will support your daughter. Your husband too has to
cooperate to support you when it comes to your daughter’s well being.
Most importantly, don’t make it a matter of conflict when it comes to
dealing with your child’s issues. I know it’s going to be a hard time
for you both to cope with all the issues but you have to be patient,
strong and supportive towards your daughter. Good luck!
Dear Erica,
I’m 26 year-old guy and I’ve been unemployed for some time, since
I’ve been doing temporary jobs all the time. Though, I now feel that
I’ve been wasting my time all these years and worked for nothing since
I’ve not achieved anything. Also, I’m in a relationship and have been
pressurised from both sides to prepare to settle down. I’m applying for
other jobs and waiting for a suitable job. Do you think I should be
working on contract basis again or is it time to settle for a stable
position? What should I do?
- Undecided
Dear Undecided,
 It’s not only you who is going through this but others as well. Some
work on temporary jobs for the rest of their lives without any major
issues.
Some find it harder since they feel certain risks can occur,
especially when it comes to certain phases of unemployment or feeling
that there is no achievement. However, there are two choices that are in
your hands. One is that you decide to work on short term positions, take
risks but plan on how you can manage your finances and organise your
life.
You might, at one point, even want to think of long term contracts
which will give you more focus and time. Secondly, you might want to get
yourself into a government, corporate sector or self-employment where
you will have to start from a certain level depending on your experience
and qualifications. This too requires time, hard work and patience.
The main issue here is which choice suits you best and which one
you’re willing to work for and be content with. Since you have been
working on contract for a long time and if you switch to a more
permanent job you may feel frustrated, impatient or even unhappy
sometimes if you cannot achieve as you might want to or expect to.
When it comes to job security, all jobs have positive and negative
effects and risks are involved. Right now, the decision is in your hands
and you have a choice to make. Hope you will make the right one which
suits you best. All the best! |
