Dear Erica
Dear Erica,
I am a married lady in my mid-thirties doing a good job. My sister,
brother-in-law and his relations have wronged me and are still
continuing to do so. My sister and her family live abroad. We had some
misunderstandings and I don’t like the way they treated me, though I
don’t want to take revenge from them.
 I always try to remember their wicked behaviour because if I forget
it then I will be friendly with them as they are always trying to be
friends, denying their wicked ways, which they continue to do on the
sly. I get frequent migraine attacks which keeps me at home from work.
What I want is to remember their bad behaviour so I will not be friendly
towards them as well as to keep myself healthy without getting
headaches.
- Wronged Sister
Dear Wronged Sister,
You’re an adult and settled down with a life of your own. I feel that
your well-being is very important for yourself as well as your family.
When it comes to relations, things don’t always happen the way we expect
them to be.To sort out your issue, everything depends on what happened
between you and your relatives, and how deep the damage was.
Some things can be changed and mended while other things cannot.
Whatever the reasons behind you to be treated badly or misunderstood, I
think you have to first clear yourself out of that. This does not
necessarily mean that you have to prove yourself to all these people who
have treated you badly. You have to learn to forget and leave those past
baggages out of your life. Focus on yourself and try to improve your
mental well-being than wasting time digging out your past.
Find supportive friends and family members who will genuinely help
you come out of this situation and try talking to your sister about how
you feel and your intentions to move on leaving the past. I feel that
your healing process would be faster than expected since they live
abroad and the distance would help you to have your own space.
Bottling things will not help you at all. Assuming that if you don’t
forget their treatment in the past and this in return prevents you from
being friendly would definitely worsen things for you. Let go of
everything against them. Your peace and joy remains within you! Find it
and those nasty headaches will find their way out of your life.
Dear Erica,
I am a 24-year-old girl employed in a good job. I am in a
relationship with a boy for the last four years. He is also engaged in a
good career. On the first date we met, I told him he does not match me
because of his height as he is about four inches shorter than I. But he
didn’t give up.
 My parents and my friends were totally against this affair, saying
that you can’t even stand with him anywhere you go because no one will
think of us as a couple! But I really can’t make my mind on this matter
and move on. I am afraid that if I leave him, I would’nt get a good
enough love. This has become a great problem to me. I can’t make my mind
to love another too. Do I have to give in my dreams because of this
love? What can I do? Please help.
- Great Heights
Dear Great Heights
It’s true that before you start off in a relationship or even date a
guy, you would imagine your man to have certain physical attributes in
him apart from the usual qualities. You as a tall beauty have chosen to
fall for a shorter guy with great qualities. Even though your initial
desire for a taller man would’ve taken you through a mild
disappointment, I believe that after four years you definitely have to
overcome the fact that your height becomes a barrier in your
relationship.
It’s true that you will be endlessly looked down as an odd couple and
alienated from the usual social norms of a taller guy and shorter girl
with compatible looks. But what you both have to understand is that it’s
the two of you who are involved with each other and it’s totally up to
you to decide. He has chosen to accept and overlook his height with his
love for you and expects that in return from you, which is of course up
to you to decide.
If you see him as a loving, caring, ambitious, intelligent person
with a sense of style and good humour plus good looks and this does not
include height, then why lose him? If you’re strong and confident enough
to love him apart from your differences then I think you should not
worry about losing your dreams or life or even sacrificing your social
life just because you can’t be seen together.
Try going out together frequently and measure your levels of strength
on how you can put up with people’s remarks and glances. Make a
difference in your life and the way you think. Talk to him about your
genuine insecurities and support each other in issues. I hope that you
will find what your heart desires for.
Good luck!
Erica’s Quote of the Week:
“If one advances confidently in the
direction of his dreams, and endeavours to live the life which he has
imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours”.
- Henry David Thoreau
Erica’s Poll:
Erica’s Poll (please email [email protected]):
If you found out that you have only one month to live what will you do?
35 - Spend time with family, friends and loved ones.
21 - Enjoy every moment and accept death, since we all are going to die
anyway.
33 - Ask God to give you a chance to live longer.
19 - Cannot deal with it and end up being a pool of happy and sad
moments |
