Let go of your ego!

The three-letter word 'ego' is loaded with meaning. At one level, it means the self, especially as distinct from the world and other selves. In psychoanalysis, "ego" means the division of the psyche that is conscious. It also controls thought and behaviour and is in touch with external reality. However, the popular meaning of "ego" is an exaggerated sense of self importance or conceit. It can also mean appropriate pride in oneself or self esteem.

Apart from its extended meaning, ego has come to mean the "I" or self of any person. Most of the people pay a lot of attention to themselves which can be summed up as "self importance". Those who feel that they are important people in some way might argue that there is nothing wrong in giving importance to themselves. For them the "I" factor is prominent in all their activities. For instance, if you ask somebody who he is, he is very likely to say that he is a doctor, lawyer, politician or banker. They feel important in their own domain.

They might say that they have every right to feel important. The Buddha, Jesus Christ and other enlightened philosophers such as J. Krishnamurti saw the ultimate irrelevance of social status. For them your social status, caste and wealth are tags you wear to show others that you are very important. These identification tags blur and obscure the light of the unconditioned and eternal that shines in each human being.

In the contemporary world, the social structures are less rigid than in the past. In the distant past, when we were governed by kings, society had clear-cut divisions marked by caste and wealth. Each caste had certain duties to perform. Anybody born into that caste did not have to worry about what he had to do because his functions had been predesigned by social custom. With foreign invasions and living under western powers for five centuries, caste is no longer a deciding factor. Sometimes, a new born child may not know which caste he belongs to.

Although caste has lost its significance, we are still conditioned by our environment. As we are no longer assigned certain functions to perform, we tend to be confused as to what we should do or not do.

As a result, we have doctors who should have been painters and lawyers who should have taken to creative art. The confusion occurs when you do not know who you are. The confusion will persist so long as you claim that you are not confused. The confusion will vanish the day you let go of the belief that you should know who you are. Most of us do not want to admit that we do not know because that will hurt our ego.

However, when you accept that you do not know who you are, you will enter a state of peace and clarity that is very close to who you really are.

There are certain instances when we let go of our ego. For instance, when you are taken to a hospital, the doctor will not ask for your social status. Whether you are an important politician or lecturer in philosophy, the doctor will treat you as another patient or "case".

Even if you happen to be conscious, you will not tell the doctor that you are an important person in society because that will not carry any weight.

As human beings we play different roles at different times. When we go to a supermarket, we become customers. When a salesperson comes to you, he becomes your client. Similarly, when you follow a class, you become a student. When the student starts teaching, he becomes a teacher. So, every egoic interaction between two people is in reality the interaction between four conceptual mind-made identities that are ultimately fiction.

Sometimes, not only individuals but also whole societies reject social archetypes. For instance, the hippie movement that was popular in the 1960s stormed many parts of the world. Although it started on the West Coast of the United States, hippies were seen even in Sri Lanka. What is important is that hippies were revolting against established social patterns of behaviour.

They were also rebelling against economic structures in society. They refused to follow the roles their parents wanted them to follow. Most psychologists and philosophers saw the hippie movement as a point of loosening of the egoic structure in the psyche of humanity. Although the hippie movement is something passe, it has taught us many lessons as far as our ego is concerned. What is more, the hippie movement resulted in the admission of Eastern wisdom and spirituality over consumerist western thinking.

Every day we ask people, "How are you?" The stock reply we get is, "Just fine, thank you." It is questionable whether we are fine all the time. Very often our words and the accompanying smile can be a facade.

Even when we are suffering inwardly, we say "Just fine". Is there a real necessity to hide our situation in life?

Unknown to many of us, "Just fine" is a role the ego plays. Even if we are unhappy, we do not want to say so because that would hurt our ego. However, when you say "Just fine" while suffering inwardly, that will not bring you happiness.On the other hand, if you say, "I am unhappy", that is not going to increase your unhappiness. The primary cause of our unhappiness is not the situation we are in but our thought about it. If you feel miserable, say so rather than hiding your true state.

They say that facing facts is always empowering! We cling on to our ego so that we could be happy. However, if you seek happiness, you will never find it. Instead of seeking happiness, we should seek freedom from unhappiness. That is a more meaningful course of action.

Although we cannot get rid of ego completely, we can make a humble attempt. Before advising our children to follow a certain course of action, pause and think for a moment whether you are motivated by egoic self enhancement and self interest. You might say you do everything for the welfare of your children, but ultimately you are trying to satisfy your ego.

Living in an ego-centric society might compel you to derive some satisfaction.However, the pleasure you will enjoy by getting rid of your ego can be long lasting.