BUSINESS JOKES

The corporate boat race

An American automobile company and a Japanese auto company decided to have a competitive boat race on the Detroit River. Both teams practised hard and long to reach their peak performance.

On the big day, they were as ready as they could be. The Japanese team won by a mile.

Thereafter the American team got discouraged with the loss and their morale sagged. The management decided that the reason for the defeat had to be analysed. A Continuous Measurable Improvement Team of 'Executives' was set up to investigate the problem and recommend appropriate corrective action.

Their conclusion: The problem was that the Japanese team had eight people rowing and one person steering, whereas the American team had one person rowing and eight people steering. The American Corporate Steering Committee immediately hired a consulting firm to do a study on the management structure.

After some time and billions of dollars, the consulting firm concluded that "too many people were steering and not enough mere rowing." To prevent losing to the Japanese again the next year, the management structure was changed to "four Steering Managers, three Area Steering Managers, and one Staff Steering Manager" and a new performance system for the person rowing the boat to give more incentives to work harder and become a six sigma performer. "We must give him empowerment and enrichment." That ought to do it.

The next year the Japanese team won by two miles.

The American Corporation laid off the rower for poor performance, sold all the paddles, cancelled capital investment for new equipment, halted development of a new canoe, awarded high performance awards to the consulting firm, and distributed the money saved as bonuses to senior executives. - Ahajokes

Lawyers arrive in Japan

Take heart, America. Three monkey wrenches have been thrown into Japan's well-oiled economic machine. It's only a matter of time before that powerful engine of productivity begins to splutter and fail. What could cause such a sharp turnaround? High interest rates? Increased unemployment? Lower productivity? No, it's something much more economically debilitating - and permanent.

Three American lawyers have become the first foreign attorneys permitted to practise law in Japan. What's more, two of them are from New York! The decline has begun.

Japan has one attorney for every 10,000 residents, compared to the US ratio of one attorney for every 390 residents. For every 100 attorneys trained in Japan, there are 1,000 engineers.

In the United States, that ratio is reversed. But a law that became effective on April 1 permits foreigners to practise in Japan for the first time since 1955. Already, an additional 20 American and six British lawyers have applied for permission to open practices in Japan.

If anything can slow the Japanese economy, it's the presence of American attorneys. What better way to even our balance of trade than to send Japan our costliest surplus commodity? - Daily Breeze

Business one-liners

A President of a democracy is a man who is always ready, willing, and able to lay down your life for his country.

A backscratcher will always find new itches; a brown-noser will always find new sense.

A bad day fishing is better than a good day at work.

A bird in the bush usually has a friend in there with him.

A bird in the hand is always safer than one overhead.

A bird in the hand is dead.

A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.- Ahajokes