The romance of love
Of all close relationships, romantic love appears to be the most
fascinating one. Although almost all of us value close relationships,
romantic love is something that defies definition. Those who are in love
spend a lot of time and energy to maintain a romantic relationship
sometimes neglecting all other duties and responsibilities.
A relationship between parents and children is something natural and
common. Even a relationship between two friends is nothing special.
However, we still do not know exactly why and how two people get
attracted to each other and build a romantic relationship. Unlike in
other relationships, lovers are bound by intense feelings which range
from passion to jealousy.
A romantic relationship has been a pre-requisite for marriage
especially in Western culture even in the 18th century. However, as far
as Eastern culture is concerned, arranged marriages co-exist with love
marriages. One cannot say that arranged marriages are better than love
marriages or vice versa. Yet, the fact remains that most love marriages
in the West end up in divorce. It does not necessarily mean that
arranged marriages do not end up in divorce. Sometimes, they do.
Sacred institution
In Eastern societies people still consider marriage as a sacred
institution. So, once married the husband and the wife try to live
together at least for the sake of children.
Even in Far Eastern countries such as Japan, people place a greater
emphasis on marriage more than romance. The position in India and Sri
Lanka too appears to be the same. This may be partly due to Eastern
culture and the religion.
How do people fall in love? There appears to be a multitude of
factors for a man and a woman to get attracted to each other. It is true
that sometimes love at first sight may lead to a strong relationship.
Sometimes two strangers' eyes may lock across a room or theatre. It is
interesting to find out whether good looks alone would drive two people
to fall in love.
Apart from love at first sight, it would be difficult for anyone to
fall in love if they do not meet very often. According to psychologists,
attraction usually depends on proximity. For instance, we are likely to
be attracted to someone who we know. He or she may be one of our
co-workers or neighbours.
Familiarity
On the heels of proximity comes familiarity. Railway stations, bus
halts, restaurants, public parks and classrooms are ideal places for us
to be familiar with different types of people. We meet, talk, smile and
come to assess their worth before cementing a romantic relationship. So,
frequent exposure to members of the opposite sex is likely to produce
romantic relationships.
Although an old proverb says, "Beauty is only skin deep", physical
attractiveness plays a major role in romantic relationships. It is a
fact that attractiveness is an important factor in dating. Not only men
but also women tend to look for attractiveness during courtship.
However, some women in Eastern societies seem to downplay this fact.
What makes people attractive? Recent research suggests that women
look for males with broad shoulders and slim waists. On the other hand,
men look for women who have 'hourglass' figures, although they are hard
to come by these days! Most young women go on dieting to have that thin
figure desired by males. Apart from the body-shape, males and females
look for attractive facial features. Women with large eyes, prominent
cheekbones and a small nose are supposed to be attractive to men.
Unfortunately, all of us may not have attractive faces, broad
shoulders and hourglass figures. However, the matching hypothesis tells
us that people of similar levels of physical attractiveness gravitate
towards each other. If this had not been so, most of us would not have
been able to find partners!
Financial prospects
While most men look for physical attractiveness in women, the latter
sometimes want men to have good financial prospects. Most women do not
wish to marry a pauper however attractive he may be. This is quite
logical because a husband without sufficient means may not be able to
maintain his wife and children. Two proverbs "Birds of a feather flock
together." and "Opposites attract" seem to be contradictory. In most
romantic relationships the first proverb seems to work. People having
similar interests usually get together. However, in certain instances a
male and female having two opposite ideas might strike up a romantic
relationship. Such occurrences are not rare, indeed.
According to social exchange theory, interpersonal relationships
depend on rewards and costs exchanged between a male and female. In
other words, lovers assess the benefits they derive from a romantic
relationship. The rewards include emotional support and sexual
gratification. The costs include time and energy spent to sustain the
relationship.
Volumes have been written on romantic love and it is not something we
should start dissecting. Whatever the weaknesses, myths, and
psychological theories that baffle us, romantic love is something
serene, divine and above all mysterious!
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