LTTE terror victim vows to build a life for herself:

Christilda's struggle to see the world

By Shanika SRIYANANDA in JAffna

"Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars.” this famous quote flashed through my mind when I met her recently.

Clement Christilda

Reading her story, you would definitely think that she is a star. A star which struggles alone to make her life 'beautiful....'

With nothing to call her own, she has only her soul, which is wrapped in immense courage, sheer determination and self-pride.

”You have become beautiful”, Lt. Col. Lal Nanayakkara, the Civil Affairs Co-ordinator of the Security Forces Headquarters, Jaffna said shaking hands with the young girl who responded with a giggle. Looking down shyly, she touched the table gently with her one hand which had deformed fingers.

Each time Lt. Col. Nanayakkara meets her and her friends who are struggling to 'see' the world, he makes some remarks so that they feel 'special'.

Clad in a floral blouse and a skirt, carrying a matching handbag and with talcum on her face she unfolded her story – a horrific journey where she walked between life and death.

She is Clement Christilda. Eleven years ago, an unexpected explosion had thrown her into total darkness. She doesn't have a fairy tale to boast about. Having lived in abject poverty, the girl who was born in Thelippalai, didn't have a family; her only relation in the world was her grandmother, who fed her and sent her to school with her meagre earnings.

Fateful day

With the situation in the North worsening with intense terror unleashed by the LTTE, her grandmother found refuge in Manipay in the Kilinochchi district, which was the LTTE's 'administrative capital', in 1987. Christilda started schooling in Puthukudiyirippu Tamil Maha Vidyalayam, but on a fateful day when she was sweeping her garden an anti-personnel mine exploded, leaving her not only blind, but also badly injured in her hands and face.

"I lost my parents when I was small. My grandmother said I had a brother, but I have never seen him. When I got injured, my grandmother took me to the Puthukudiyirippu Hospital and the doctors said I would not regain my sight”, she related her story to us in one breath.

Unable to adjust to this unexpected agony, Christilda cried for life. She who had dreamt of becoming a teacher one day, cried day and night, but months later she realised that tears would not bring back her lost future. She was determined to face life, but the thundering explosions she heard from a few miles away and the news that her grandmother brought her scared her. With the announcement made by the LTTE that the military was advancing, the two vacated their small hut and fled Kilinochchi.

Holding her grandmother's hand, Christilda ran for life with thousands of others. They ran from one place to another on the orders of the terrorists.

Christilda cannot remember where exactly they had stayed, but had realised that they were in grave danger.

All hopes lost

In this nightmare of a journey for life, she who had already lost any hope for life, lost the warmth of the one person that helped her throughout her life: She was separated from her grandmother. All her plaintive cries for her grandmother were in vain.

Christilda hoped she would die and just fell on the muddy ground while people were running all around her. No one bothered to see about the young girl.

She heard the LTTE chasing civilians with cries of 'Poda, Poda', threatening to shoot those who defied them; some civilians said they wanted to go in the opposite direction – to government-controlled areas.

After a heated argument, the LTTE shot an elderly person who flatly refused to move forward and blamed the terrorists for risking their lives.

She heard people around her cursing the LTTE and begging the terrorists to get them free.

How can a blind girl find her way alone in a river of humans? She hid her face and did not move an inch. Christilda wanted to die. Suddenly, a cold hand dragged her forward. Like a corpse she moved automatically. After a few days she lost the warmth of that hand, but another one dragged her forward.

Devilish picture

"I don't know who helped me move forward. I heard people shouting to others not to take certain directions as they were mined. I waited and prayed for death. But somebody among that crowd of people helped me live. They gave me food and water when they were able to cook. I cannot remember the number of times I fell. I wore the same clothes for months”, Christilda said, recalling her journey back to life.

She heard people talking that soldiers would come and save them, but Christilda did not want to surrender to the soldiers as the LTTE had painted a devilish picture about the Army. As the fighting was getting tougher, she felt and heard that they were being cornered into a small area in Puthumathalan.

"The LTTE did not allow us to move. I heard the LTTE police telling the people that they would kill the advancing soldiers and threatened us not to move out. But the people wanted to escape the LTTE terror and gathered in Vellimullivaikkal in large numbers, waiting for the soldiers to rescue them. I was among them and a girl was holding my hand.

"We stood there despite LTTE orders to move back. Then the soldiers entered the area and cleared a route for us to come out. The soldiers did not harm us and treated us well until we reached the welfare centre”, she said.

It was at the Ramanathan Welfare Centre in Vavuniya that she realised the value of life again. As she was determined to sit the Ordinary Level Examination, the 27-year-old was given a chance to study at the Nuffield School for the Deaf and Blind at Kaithady. Her sheer dedication and the commitment of the teachers at the school helped her obtain the best results at the 2010 examination.

The Nuffield School, run by the Church of Anglican Mission Colombo with government assistance, is a unique place where differently abled children and youth are motivated to stand on their own feet. The school which has 28 teachers provides special education to 207 visually and hearing impaired girls and boys from Grade 1 up to GCE O/L.

O/L examination

Four students, including Christilda, who have lost their sight, study at the school. On special permission granted by the Commissioner General of Examinations these four - Christilda, Vijayaluxmi, Santhirarasa and Vijayakumar were assisted at the examination by three invigilators.

One invigilator read out the questions, another wrote down the answers orally provided by the candidates while the other invigilator recorded their answers.

Christilda, who obtained a 'B' pass for English, wants to sit the Advanced Level examination in the Arts stream and attends classes at the Chundikulam School. No self-pity, courage and optimism have helped her latch herself again to her childhood dream of becoming a teacher. While striving to achieve her goal, a new hope has rekindled in her mind which thirsts for learning. She is keen to learn to operate a computer; recently she also started learning Braille at the school.

Christilda said she is thankful to the soldiers of the Sri Lanka Army who helped them look at life positively. She can now understand Sinhala and speak a little of it. She pays special gratitude to her best friend Vijayaluxmi, who was also disabled due to LTTE terror, for staying by her side.

Christilda owns nothing, except an old cassette recorder given by her school to record her lessons and the small travelling bag. In fact, she does not even have any place to go or any one to call family.

Not having experienced the warmth of a mother, she sings about mothers when she is alone. “Thayyaillamal nannillai...” (There is no life when there is no mother. No one can bring happiness to a child except a mother).

Meaningful investment

She strongly believes in her strength to stand on her own feet, and does not seek any help. However, if someone considers it worth buying her a simple recorder to continue her studies, or a radio on which she can enjoy her favourite Tamil songs, it would be a meaningful investment to make another victim of LTTE terror feel that people are there for her. It is an opportunity for the Tamil diaspora which may have invested millions towards destroying the future of youth such as Christilda, to make amends by perhaps building a small house for her.

The young girl who once prayed for death to overtake her now has a big hope, but no dreams. “I have no dreams as I will not let dreams remain as dreams. I will achieve them step by step. I had cried a lot and later realised that I am just one among the thousands of people who live in the dark.

"There are many visually impaired people who lead happy, independent lives while achieving thier goals and living perfectly normal lives. Nothing can be achieved by remaining sad and living in the gruesome past, which is gone forever. I will take each day as a challenge and look forward to a better tomorrow. Now my target is to get through the A/L examination. Then I will decide what the next hurdle should be," Christilda smiled.

Her face full of black scars as a result of the explosion, she radiates happiness. Blindness is not an impairment, but just an inconvenience for her. " Losing both eyes and hands is not a matter to end one's life. I can do everything those with eyes and hands can do”, she said. I touched her hand and thought of Nancy Reagan's famous statement: “A woman is like a tea bag, you cannot tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water”.