The dentist

A stockbroker walked into a dental clinic and asked for costing for getting a tooth taken out.

"Well," said the dentist, ‘That depends on the level of service. If you want to go private we can give you the best and latest in dental treatment. We can get an anaesthetist from the local hospital and skilled, dental nurses to help out. Guaranteed no pain, no blood.’

"Sounds good," said the man, "how much?"
‘£200 per tooth’, dentist said.
"That’s extortion!" the stockbroker replied.

Then the dentist said, "We can give you standard NHS treatment. I do the anaesthetic myself - no nurses. You get a little bit of pain and a little bit of blood, but it’ll only cost you £20.’

"No, that’s still too dear. Can you not do it a bit cheaper?" , the stockbroker said.

‘Tell you what,’ said the dentist, getting angry, ‘I could get a pair of pliers from B&Q and do a homer for you. No anaesthetic. Guaranteed very painful and a lot of blood. Your mouth will hurt for three months and you’ll struggle to talk for at least two days. I’d do it for £5 and take pleasure in it.’

"OK, you got yourself a deal... book my wife in for next Tuesday", the stockbroker said.

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Old Jack

Old Jack had been a penny-pinching miser all his life, and made it clear to his family that he wanted to take his money with him when he died. When he passed away he was laid out in the front parlour. When his bank manager called to offer his condolences he said.

”I expected to see the coffin filled with his money as he requested,” he remarked.

”Oh yes, he can have it,” said his widow, and holding up a bank cheque, placed it gently between old Jack’s icy fingers.

”As soon as he presents the cheque you can give him the money” she said. Thisismoney