Why marriages made in heaven go on the rocks

by K. K. D. Premalal Matugama Spl. Cor.

Marriage is an important milestone in one's life. Some marriages succeed and others go on the rocks. Marriage is a social contract between two individuals that unites their lives legally, economically and emotionally. Being married also gives legitimacy to sexual relationship.

Robin Pasqual and his wife Mrs. Anula Jayewardene who celebrated the golden jubilee of their marriage

Dr. D. D. N. Kaluarachchi

Mrs. Nayana In-service Adviser, Matugama Zonal Education Office

Attorney-at-Law Somasiri Iddagoda

People get married through proposals and love affairs. In arranged or pragmatic marriages neither the bride nor the groom has any say in the selection of the partners. However, some arranged marriages succeed.

Most young people find their life partners through love affairs. Many of them take hasty decisions leading to crises.

Most marriages begin with customary celebrations. However, the number of divorce cases demonstrates that some marriages are not stable.

There can be many reasons for the break-up of marriages. Some spouses desire to be independent. Others may be attracted to another person. Infidelity, sexual incompatibility, addiction to alcohol and other drugs are among the major reasons for marriage failures.

Robin Pasqual, a retired principal and his wife Mrs. Anula Jayawardena, a retired teacher who celebrated their diamond jubilee recently. Pasqual said. "We got married in 1961 and we are blessed with three children.

We have been enjoying our married life happily right from the beginning of our marriage. Ours was a proposed marriage and we still respect each other. Patience, mutual understanding and togetherness are some ingredients of a happy marriage."

"We used to go on trips during school vacations with our children. Our friends always welcomed us and they readily agreed to make all arrangements to spend our holidays enjoyably and meaningfully. We never forget to be with our children and nature. It is necessary to have a scheduled time to spend with your spouse every day," he said.

Quoting Sir Harold George Necolson he advises young couples. "The great secret of a successful marriage is to treat all disasters as incidents and none of the incidents as disasters".

Dr. D.D. N. Kaluarachchi said happily married couples confirm their marriages made in heaven but those who are unhappily married wonder why they ever got married. Love and marriage are topics that bewilder, befuddle, confuse and confound men and women.

He was not happy with teenagers getting married as they lack experience, patience and tolerance. Some of course marry in haste but they will repent at leisure. The ideal age for a successful marriage ranges from 25-30 years. So maturity is a sine qua non in marriage. Those who enter matrimony should consider social status, age, education, financial background and character.

The husband must be financially sound to lead a happy married life. Bad financial practices can have a way of creating a wedge even in the strongest marriages. Couples need to budget together and have honest financial conversations.He also stressed the value of patience. Both husband and wife should bear with each other for the sake of their children. Some spouses grin and bear and suffer in silence.

It is also important that you must lend a healthy life to enjoy a happy marriage. People seem to pay scant attention for health. Though you have a tight schedule, you must do physical exercises and meditation.

Somasiri Iddagoda, a lawyer practising in Matugama courts said, "I see a marked increase in the number of divorce cases due to various reasons. However, nine percent of the lawyers do not encourage people to go for divorce cases as separation leads to problems.

As far as filing a divorce case is concerned, the parties can do so only on some grounds. They are malicious desertion, adultery, impotency at the time of marriage, separation for seven years and action for nullity of marriages.

Most women who accompany their children to preschool and tuition classes tend to start secret love affairs with others. Some husbands and wives suffer in silence and others file cases for divorce.

Mrs. Nayana Gunaratne, In-Service Adviser of Matugama Zonal Education Office said, "It is important to continue your marriage in spite of the attendant problems.

"It is important that both spouses should avoid all vices and it will certainly help them to lend a healthy and happy married life", she said.