Family, the greatest joy in life

By Lionel Wijesiri

The inscription on the plaque next to the statue caught my eye. I cannot remember the exact quote, but the gist of it was: “It is not blood that binds the hearts of family members, but the joy they take in one another and sharing life together”.

How true it is! Family therapists say that parents are responsible for the emotional climate of their homes. If parents decide to choose joy, then children will join them. Time and again, this fact would have made itself apparent to the parents in the most humbling of ways. However, knowing it and acting upon it are two totally different things.

Parental love of a thousand years ago and that of the present time is identical. In the fluctuating course of history, parental love never changes

It takes daily effort for a parent to see the good in the children and celebrate the diversity within the family instead of trying to “fix” the children. They have to extend grace to their children, just like they do to their bosses, neighbours, the driver in front of them in traffic, the bank clerk and the unbearably incompetent staff at the restaurant. After all, their children are much more valuable to them than these other people.

When I was around eight and my brother 10, my father had promised to take us to see a visiting circus. However, at lunch time, there was a messenger with a note from his workplace; some urgent business needed his presence there in the evening. For a moment, my brother and I braced ourselves for disappointment. Then we heard him say to the messenger, “No, I won’t be down. It’ll have to wait.”

When he came back to the table, our mother smiled. “The circus will come back next year, you know,” she said. “I know,” he said. “But childhood doesn’t.”

That day, our father taught us that among the greatest lessons we are to learn in this short sojourn on earth are lessons that help us distinguish between what is important now and what is not. We must not let those most important things pass us by as we plan for that illusive and non-existent future when we will have time to do all that we want to do.

Instead, we have to find joy in the journey - now.

Memories

If you have children who are grown up and gone, in all likelihood, you have occasionally felt the pangs of loss and the recognition that you didn’t appreciate that time of life as much as you should have. Of course, there is no going back, but only forward. Rather than dwelling on the past, we should make the most of today, of the here and now, doing all we can to provide pleasant memories for the future.

If you are still raising children, be aware that the tiny fingerprints that show up on almost every newly cleaned surface, the toys and books scattered about the house and the piles of laundry to be tackled will disappear all too soon and that you will - to your surprise - miss them profoundly.

Stresses in our lives come regardless of our circumstances. However, we should not let them get in the way of what is most important - and what is most important almost always involves the people around us. Often, we assume that they know how much we love them. But we should never assume; we should let them know.

Wrote William Shakespeare, “They do not love that do not show their love.” We will never regret the kind words spoken or the affection shown.

Rather, our regrets will come if such things are omitted from our relationships with those who mean the most to us.

Guidelines

Sometime ago, while I was in Singapore, I had the opportunity of listening to a Malaysian professor addressing a group of young parents about how to get started on the path to robust joy in family life. I do not remember his name, but I do recollect (from my notes) the seven ideas he listed that day. Let me go through them:

New perspective: Life is filled with blessings; the sound of your children laughing, the look in your spouse’s eyes, or the deep feeling of satisfaction that comes from hard work. At times, we tend to see only the negative things around us. Gain a new perspective and really start picking out all the blessings we have been given. Joy surrounds us even in our darkest moments. Open your senses and receive it. Cultivate thankfulness.

A mother has a never-ending supply of unconditional love. A child could destroy her most prized possession, but she will still have a smile on her face because her child is safe

Get outside: The smell of fresh grass on a sunny morning; the exploding blends of colour all about as the rainy season arrives; fresh-fallen dew creating a storybook landscape. Nature always leaves an open door during any season, no matter where you are. Go hiking, ride a bike, or simply walk hand in hand with your spouse and children.

Come down to your child’s level: Children are very good at finding ways to have fun. They can take a simple cardboard box and turn it into a Disney World. You still have that same ability in you. It just got stuffed way down inside after too many boardroom meetings and mortgage payments. Unleash the imaginative child inside you! Get in there and mix it with your children.

Passion: Passion equals joy. Always. We are not all fortunate to make a living doing a job we feel deep passion for. That’s not a bad idea. But, find your passion elsewhere. Anything that will make you come alive and stirs your mind into full activation. Share it with your children. Joy will always follow.

Lay your burdens down: Worries can be awfully heavy. This new century certainly has no shortage of them. Without warning, they can begin to drag you down as they accumulate. It may be important to be aware of the world around you and to know the issues that are bigger than yourself. It is equally important to balance that awareness with reality. You are not a super hero and you do not own a cape. Do what you can do and let the others go.

Rain helps you grow: The world is not out to get you. It only seems that way sometimes. The car broke down on your way home after a three-day holiday up-country. You did not get the raise in pay you need. Your teenager is beginning to be stubborn. Life happens. For a beautiful flower to reach full glory, it must endure a good amount of rain. When rain falls in your life, realise that it is designed to help you grow. Use those moments to strengthen your character. See them as the challenge they truly are. Soon the rainbow will appear as the sun breaks free from the clouds.

Rise up: You were in the office for eight long hours, drove home in horrible traffic for another hour, and all you want to do is crumble in a heap on the couch. That is fine from time to time. The couch potato is rarely a happy soul. Rise up! Go, play football outside with your son. Take your daughter to get an ice-cream after dinner. Take a walk. Get the blood pumping and the pearly whites shining.

The morale of the story is that there are many things to live for and most of them are worthwhile, but there is one thing that is worth more than most - the family. It represents joy, happiness and something special to look forward to every day!