Facing up to a crumbling world

By Lionel Wijesiri

A young woman known to me sent me an email recently. She was happily married and bringing up a family of her husband and two children.

Her letter surprised me.

“It is difficult to understand. And, it is difficult to explain. It’s like this. I was going along just fine - handling the little bumps on the road the way people handle the bumps on the road - rolling with the punches, keeping a little to-do list handy, checking things off diligently as I go, taking a deep breath at the end of each day and reminding myself, “everybody feels tired these days” and that “everything is going to be okay.”

“But then, all of a sudden everything began to fall apart. My eldest son got an attack of suspected dengue, my husband is scheduled to be out of country for one week for an important assignment, and my maid has gone to her home town to nurse her sick mother.

On top of these, I am faced with an office task I am sure I cannot handle without help. Suddenly the little “bumps” on the road don’t feel like bumps any more. They feel like mountains. And whether they are mountains or not doesn’t matter. I have to take them at 90 miles per hour (after all, I am trying to keep up).”

“I wish life would slow down for my speed mountains. I feel a little ill from the jolt of it all. I feel my car is missing pieces. Meanwhile, I’m speeding along, trying to pretend it doesn’t matter. Do you ever feel like that? Or is it just me?”

Understanding situation

Hearing her story reminded me all too well of the unhappy, unproductive cycles that I found myself in when going about my business and everyday life. And trust me... there were plenty of stress in my life and still there are. It took me a while to understand the depth and reality of each situation.

I felt as if I was taking two steps forward and then five steps back. From the outside, it seems like everyone else’s life has some level of security and consistency; on the other hand, I felt that my life is always riding a roller coaster - at times, reaching unbelievable highs and at other times, crashing down around me.

But one day I realised something. I understood that I’ve been feeling this way for quite a number of years but I’m still going strong. I have become stronger and rugged to face life. As the old saying goes, “When the going gets tough, the tough (that’s me) get going.”

It dawned on me that every day that passed was another chance for me to take control of my life and be the person that I wanted to be. I was the one and only person who was in control of my life and so I was the person who had to rescue myself when I felt my life was falling apart.

I understood that this wasn’t a phenomenon that was exclusive to me. We all have the ability to change our lives into what we had always dreamed of.

The only thing standing in our way is self-awareness and self-reliance. Before you can start to make changes or improvements in your life, you need to know why you fell down or struggled in the past. Once you know why things went badly, and once you’ve figured out what you want to happen this time around, then you can start planning and take the first step towards making that dream happen.

So, my advice to the young woman is, “You have to harness that power within you to create real change in your life. You should take control; you should start making a step-by-step plan and stop letting life knock you down. You must hope for the best but prepare for the worst... because you deserve to be happy and enjoy your life.”

Tips

At times life can throw at you so many leather balls that it feels like things are falling apart one after another. Just when you seem to fix something, another thing falls to pieces. You remember the saying: when it rains, it pours.

A professional counsellor’s advice to maintain your positive attitude and motivation when a downward spiral consumes you doesn’t seem to work. For instance, if you are having financial trouble you may get anxious every time another bill or notice comes in. However, focusing on the point that you don’t have money is not going to pay them.

Let me give you two simple rules.

Worry

Take a moment and think about the pointlessness of worrying. When you worry, you do not come up with great ideas to get you out of a jam. If anything, you shoot down every suggestion presented to you. Worrying may be an emotion that you feel the need to express, but don’t linger in it.

It is an idle state that will get you nowhere. At some point you’ll have to face this problem and all the time you spent worrying is not going to provide you with a solution. Instead, devote your time and energy to doing something more constructive. Stop focusing on the negative and take positive action.

Effort

Any effort is worth it. Your situation may not be easily changed, but it can be changed. The effort you put in will be worth it in the end. Practise the attitude of gratitude. Be thankful for what you presently do have even when it feels like everything has fallen to pieces. Something is still very much together. Be appreciative that your basic needs are still covered. Be glad that you can still have food in your fridge, even if you have to cook and serve it.

When your emotions have changed from negative to positive, think about what you can do. Brainstorm your next course of action, things that you can do to put yourself in a better place.

Maybe research the issue to get the ideas flowing. Talk to someone about it. Another person may have workable solutions you haven’t even considered because you were too busy moping around. There is always something - even small steps add up.

You just need to be proactive when it comes to finding the solutions.

Even if an opportunity just presents itself to you, you need to be open enough to realise that it’s worth a try, and do it.

Success

Yes, these small steps add up. Knowing that something is out there to help you is the motivation you need. Stay positive, have faith in yourself, and take action, and you’ll find yourself in a better place sooner rather than later.

One last resort to make and do is self-reliance. Its the ability to stand for a time when everything has fallen on your shoulders. There’s always a hundred ways to keep your faith alive. Be brave and move around. Do not just stay in one corner of the house and wait for anything to happen.

Our natural talents are but an essential part of our ability to do whatever is necessary be done. Accordingly, tap them and put them to use. Think and act. Be self-reliant just for a time and then you’ll see...it will pay off in no time.