Meherunnisa:

A love story from Lahore

By Zeenat Mahal

[Chapter 14]

Bibi managed to lure Mehru out of the room. Mehru was sick of it all anyway. Her grandmother sighed with visible relief.

‘That went well,’ Mehru smiled. ‘Hmmm. You wait in the garden for me I’ll be back.’ ‘All right. I need the fresh air, after all that,’ Mehru laughed.

Bibi strolled away and Mehru walked into the back garden. To her surprise, Jamal was waiting for her. Mehru gave him a coquettish smile and fluttered her eyelashes.

He growled, ‘If you…ever…repeat anything, like this performance again I’ll...’

‘Stop threatening me. We both know you don’t mean it.’ ‘It’s not a threat. It’s a promise.’

‘Really? Why don’t you just let me go then?’
‘That will never happen. Get used to your new life.’

Contempt

His contempt was too obvious and for some reason it hurt. There was a part of her that wanted to abandon her goal of vengeance and pursue quite another goal. Make Jamal forget that she had used him. Make him love her again. Angry and hurt at her divided self as well as her fate that had brought her to this juncture, Mehru lashed out viciously, ‘I hate you.’

‘Tell it to someone who cares.’ ‘I’ll run away, Jamal, and I’ll…’

He gave her a long cold look, and then in his icy tone, he said, ‘I suggest you don’t try that, or you’ll find that I’m not quite as civilised as I seem.’

Mehru blanched and croaked, ‘Civilised? You? You Neanderthal!’

But she feared that he meant to beat her.
‘If you hit me I’ll….I’ll…’
Jamal laughed. It wasn’t a happy sound.
‘What will you do, Mehrunissa? Bat your eyelashes at me?’
‘I’ll hit you back, you...you…’

Problem

Jamal stared back at her for a full thirty seconds and then he said slowly, ‘Advertise your past to the world, see if I don’t care. Your past isn’t my problem. You are, however, and as I told you, I don’t make idle threats. I’ll rein you in any way I have to… so don’t push me to do things I’ve never done before.’ Irate, she goaded him, ‘But I did already. You fell in love, didn’t you? You’ve never done that before, have you?’

She smiled sweetly.

Clenching his fists, he said, ‘Last warning. ’
Mehru tried again, ‘Jamal, be reasonable. Why don’t you just let me go?’
Even if it would mean her ruin, she had to give him the option.

Act of innocence

He stared at her as if she was an interesting species of the insect world. ‘For the final time, you’re not going anywhere. You’re my cross to bear. You made a fool of me…and you did…in a big way, I’m embarrassed to admit.

I believed your act of innocence and painful loneliness, and I fell for that lie you created. I broke my word, and fought for a lie. You think I’m just going to let you go?’

‘So this is my punishment?’

His disdain translated into his voice, he said softly, ‘No, it’s mine.’ ‘I’ll make your life miserable too.’

‘You already have…you exist.’ She resorted to taunts again.

‘You don’t have the guts to divorce me. You are afraid of the scandal it will cause.’

Wrathful Titan

Jamal’s eyes shot fire. If he’d looked like a Minotaur before, he looked like a wrathful Titan now. His voice was low and even, as he said, ‘Nothing would give me more pleasure than to be rid of you.

But you are right. I will never allow you to besmirch my name any more than you already have.’

His face was rigid. This wasn’t going the way she’d thought. He should’ve been too embarrassed by all the play-acting and he should be getting ready to let her go. He was made of sterner stuff apparently.

Just then Bibi returned with her father in tow. Jamal turned on his heels and greeting her father by touching his forehead with his hand respectfully, he went inside.

Conscientious

Mehru stared defiantly at her father. His lips gave a small nervous little twitch that was Mehru supposed his attempt at smiling. ‘Mehru…This is not…I mean, your behaviour tonight…this not how Lispeth raised you…’ ‘How would you know? You were never there.’ He nodded. Swallowed. Nodded again. ‘I know. I know that. But I also knew my...your mother. She was very conscientious. She wanted to raise you according to the traditions that she knew I valued. She was very aware of how much it meant to me.’ ‘You’re right, she was…’

All the pain that she’d been feeling gathered in Mehru. Her mother’s loneliness, her blind love, her constant desire to please Mehru’s father. The way he had treated her mother in turn. Marrying her, abandoning her, re-marrying, never looking back.

And yet, here he was telling her he had expectations. ‘You see, she did raise me with all your traditions and rubbish because she loved you so much. But here’s the difference. I don’t love you. I’ve been breaking those rules and those traditions she wanted me to have for you, because I don’t want to please you.’

Stricken, he stared. Mehru’s hurt raged inside her.

‘I’ll tell you a little secret.’ She dropped her voice to a whisper, ‘There is a reason that I had to marry so quickly,’ She came forward and looked into her father’s eyes. He was cruel this man. He had used and abused her mother and he had discarded them both for others. It was time he suffered some.

‘You see, I fell in love. He was from a good family. He said he’d marry me soon. I believed him, just like my mother believed you. But after getting what he wanted from me, he abandoned me. Just like you abandoned my mother. ’

His hand went to his chest.
‘What are you saying?’

‘I’m saying I had to marry Jamal because I’m carrying another man’s baby. But don’t worry, his blood was as pure as yours. Even if the baby is technically a bastard, it’ll have pure blood from his father’s side. Mine as you know is a bit tainted.’

His hand flew up as if to hit her and then he stopped.

Scandal

‘It’s okay,’ she mocked. ‘No one knows. Only you and I know. He treated me the same way you treated my mother. Maybe that’s how men of good families behave. If Jamal realises, he will divorce me. Imagine the scandal.’

Her father tottered to a nearby bench and fell into it.

‘Lispeth…this is not what Lispeth…’

‘No of course not. She taught me to be a good little girl. Every time you came she’d tell me to sing for you, recite a new poem I had learned, or read something to you I had written but you never had the time to listen. She was faithful to your memory and your traditions to her last breath. Always telling me that I was my father’s daughter.’

Her father’s face was ashen.

‘Who was it? I will kill that b…tell me his name. I swear to you…’

‘Oh what does that matter now? I have a husband, a home. Just don’t let it slip out. Or there’ll be a big bad scandal to face.’

She laughed and added, ‘I should look after my esteemed guests. Maybe sing another song or two.’

Mehru turned. Her laughter died on her lips.
Jamal stood in the shadows. How long had he been there?

Infinity

He came forward, his face pale. He stared at her for an infinity it seemed, and then asked hoarsely, ‘You’ve been here for two months…how far along are you?’

Her heart sank. He had heard. Oh no. Her heart wrenched at the sight of his face. This was not for him. It had been her revenge against her father. But her very next thought was that maybe, she could use this to give him the freedom he deserved.

She and Bibi could go live in a small city somewhere. She could teach or write. Surely, they’d be able to survive on that? Even if they couldn’t, she couldn’t hold Jamal hostage to her vengeance. She had to let him go, even if it meant her own ruin. She could never win his love again. The realisation was hurtful. She could have been happy with him if only her life had been different.

‘I…I found out when I came here, so about two months.’ Then she added in a whisper, ‘Does that mean I finally get my wish? You’ll divorce me?’

Jamal was regaining some colour but he still looked shell shocked. He gazed into her eyes, and his brown velvety ones were dull as he said, ‘I told you Mehrunissa, you’re my responsibility now.’ He continued to stare at her for an eternity it seemed, and then he added softly, ‘And it seems, so will be…your child.’ He walked away into the night, leaving Mehru staring after him with tears coursing down her cheeks.