Dealing with overly demanding bosses

Last week I wrote about organisation-wide implications when you have an overly demanding boss. If you still haven't read it, make sure you read that too.

Nothing is more destructive in the workplace than difficult bosses. Every employee has a series of bosses during his working career. Hopefully, most of your bosses are competent, kind and even worthy of your trust and respect.

Unfortunately, too often, employees have difficult bosses who impact on your desire to engage and contribute at work. It is good not to have an overly demanding boss but if you do, you have to deal with them for performance and career progression.

Punching bag

Don't keep taking lumps with a smile on your face or take responsibility for things that are out of your control. Your boss has invested time in you, so you have leverage in letting him know the ramifications of his work style.

You have the skills, are relied upon and know the company culture. If you're performing well, it's expensive and time-consuming to replace you.

Keep that in mind when you are ready to approach your boss. Approach your boss with a calm, professional, rational style. Don't get caught up in the hysteria but try to keep a sense of humour to simmer tension.

A little levity can go a long way in disarming a tense, demanding boss.

Your success also depends on the delivery and timing of your discussion. Make sure you are always listening carefully, as ideas and directions may come quickly. If you're unsure about anything, seek clarifications.

At the end of your meetings, repeat back the deliverables that you are responsible for to make sure you are on the same page.

And you never know: When the boss hears you rattle off your responsibilities, he might realise how unreasonable his expectations really are.

When your boss gives you an assignment, review where it sits on the priority list; give an estimate of how long it will take and what you need to complete it. Offer a reality check on how a new assignment affects your other assignments and the potential for missed deadlines.

Come to an agreement before you run off and find yourself in difficulties being unable to cope with the tasks. If you're going to miss deadlines, raise your hand early on.

Come prepared to present your boss with potential solutions to show that you have the same sense of urgency as they do about tasks.

If you encounter obstacles to completing a task, bring it to your boss with potential solutions. They may not be the right solution, but this type of boss will appreciate your effort to help solve it."

Work with your boss

Understand the circumstances. A demanding boss may be focused on delivering results to his or her boss, not on the negative fallout you may feel that your work is never enough. Study how other team members react and you'll likely see that your boss is consistently an over-achiever or expects others to be. An overly demanding boss may have their own overly demanding boss looming over them. Don't take things personally.

Try separating the physical situation from the boss. Ask yourself, is it just a personality issue, or is pressure from even higher ups to meet really challenging objectives? This can make a difference in how you approach the situation.

It's important to read the situation accurately.

If your boss is also working to meet a goal or juggling multiple deadlines, make sure you're being sensitive to that in your interactions. If you really want to improve your relationship with your boss, then you should work with your boss to improve the state of your company, instead of working against your boss.

Though it may feel good to make your boss look stupid at a meeting or to send a passive-aggressive email to your boss, in the long run, this won't do any good for your relationship and it won't make you feel any better. Furthermore, making your relationship with your boss worse will make it harder to get your work done and at the end of the day, nothing is more counterproductive than that.

Praise your boss when you see the behaviour you strive for, like planning ahead together and ensuring that your goals and deadlines are reasonable and aligned. Your sense of calm and commitment to delivering the best results will be appreciated and help coach your boss in a better direction. Some bosses have been taught that being demanding is the only way to get results, from earlier jobs or the present one.

It might be a management culture. That doesn't mean you should mimic the style with your own team. Instead, role model the person you want your demanding manager to be by clearly describing workflow and priorities. You'll do yourself, your boss, and others a big favour.