Rescued!

A lone woman's struggle to give meaning and purpose to war widows in Jaffna:

By P.K. Balachandran

'Tharaka' , which means the star as well as 'savior' in Sanskrit is the true 'star' in the lives of many widows. Thirty-seven-year-old Saila, a war widow of Chavatkaddu in the Jaffna District, stands out from most victims of the 30-year war in the North Sri Lanka.

She chose not to wail, complain, bemoan or find fault with others for her fate. She has pulled herself out of the lot that life's tragedies had thrust her into and helped more than a hundred other widows come out of the abyss of hopelessness.

Saila's organization, has mainstreamed widows, traditionally shunned and relegated to the background in Tamil society, which sees them as being a bad omen and so should be kept out of sight.

War widows

Among the deep and seemingly indelible scars of war is the existence of an estimated 40,000 widows in the Northern Province. Among the victims of war's mindless violence, those widowed were the most affected.

They were forced to become breadwinners overnight, even as they carried the stigma of being a social ill omen. Economic deprivation and social rejection combined to push these women into deep depression.

Saila - a war widow of Chavatkaddu in the Jaffna district

Dr Daya Somasundaram, well-known psychiatrist and Jaffna University Professor

"The most worrying part, however, was that the widows' families were going to seed," Saila pointed out.

Ironically, the confidence that Saila exudes today, was created in the crucible of a series of tragedies which had afflicted her life.

She was only 17 when her fisherman father was killed in an artillery shell attack and only 26 when her husband was killed by the Navy at mid-sea.

A year later, her brother was permanently disabled in another shell attack. " My mother and I were both widowed in quick succession, but while she went into depression, I was determined to fight it," Saila told visiting journalists at her organization, the Tharaka Widows' Activity Centre, in Chavatkaddu, a fishing village.

She went to the well-known psychiatrist and Jaffna University, Professor, Dr.Daya Somasundaran, for help. He is one of the moving spirits of Shantiham, a Jaffna-based NGO specializing in trauma management.

Somasundaram believes that traumatized and socially marginalized persons can be mainstreamed through participation in social activism, group activity and assumption of leadership roles.

Trauma management

"Even the most withdrawn become active and acquire a new persona, when they are put in groups involved in some meaningful activity. If leadership roles are assigned to them, they show hidden capabilities.

Their lives acquire a new meaning and they tend to put behind them the traumatic experiences of the past," Somasundaram said.

It was at Somasundaram's suggestion that Saila floated Tharaka, which, to date, has rescued 105 women from depression and despondency. However, initially, it was difficult to get widows to join Tharaka.

"Families said that the duty of the widow is to stay home and look after the rest of the family and not go gallivanting," a pained Saila recalled.

The second problem was to get a premises, where the widows could meet.

"Most landlords were reluctant to rent out their premises to us. One of them asked for an advance of Rs.150,000, but we did not have that kind of money. We then approached the late T. Maheswaran, who was then the Minister of Hindu Religious Affairs. After making us run from pillar to post for three months, he gave Rs.100,000. But we were still short of Rs.50,000. Luckily, a Scottish missionary offered to give that amount.

" But still, the monthly rent had to be paid. At this point, Dr.Somasundaram came up with the idea that Tharaka work for Shanthiham and the fee for it could go towards payment of the monthly rent," Saila said.

Social resistance

She realized that for Tharaka to be meaningful to the widows, their existential problems will have to be addressed first and foremost. Since economic hardship was the main issue, Saila got the widows to do a small business together.

"The women pickle fish and market them. A chit fund gives loans up to Rs. 3000 to members to meet their personal and business expenditure," she said. But ambitious Saila has widened the canvas for "Tharaka". Its members get involved in solving Chavatkaddu's civic problems.

"We started taking the initiative in these matters and we intercede with the government on behalf of the village. Recently, we solved a severe water problem. Seeing our successes, villagers are now using us as their spokespersons! " she said proudly.

The once marginalized widows, dismissed by society as good for nothing creatures, and an evil omen, are now sought after by fellow villagers to assume the leadership role.

Tharaka puts its premises to social use when it is not conducting any activities there. "We allow school girls to come and study here during the day and allow boys to study in the evenings. This is done to provide the right kind of atmosphere for studies which may not exist in their homes," Saila said. Saila stresses the importance of hearing out the widows or anyone who is traumatized. "They have to be heard when they describe their plight and recall the tragedies they had gone through. Asking them to shut these out and think anew is not correct. By talking, they unburden themselves and for this, they need a patient and sympathetic listener. I listen," she said.

Saila goes to the Wanni every 15 days to meet displaced and traumatized women. Tharaka's activities do not yet extend to the Wanni, which saw the bitterest fighting in Eelam War IV. But Saila does the next best thing - go there and hear out the people.In addition, the widows of Tharaka help out with the work being done by Shanthiham.

Re-marriage

Asked about widow remarriage as a solution to the problem of widowhood, Saila said that she is neither for nor against widow remarriage.

"It depends on the wish of the widow. I know of re-marriages which have succeeded, and also those which have not. But very few amongst us here have re-married," she said.

Saila' work is now internationally recognized. The embassy of Finland in India which is also accredited to Sri Lanka, has provided some funds.

In 2005, UNESCO had nominated her among 12 Sri Lankan women for the Nobel Peace Prize.